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God doesn't give us more than we can cope with

(83 Posts)
Smileless2012 Thu 12-Sep-19 19:49:51

Or words to that effect but sometimes it feels if He does.

Even when we appear to be dealing with it, coping with it, day after day, year after year it's like an uphill struggle.

Today, for no particular reason I feel so tired, utterly exhausted TBH. I have the faith that God has given me. I have the strength He blessed me with.

My faith in Him and my strength and determination keep me going, have kept me going for nearly 7 years without our son who has estranged himself from us, and taken our only GC with him.

I'm 58. For how many more years will I have to be strong and determined? 10, 20, 30 more!

Avor2 Thu 12-Sep-19 20:21:32

Sadly it seems we are all being tested, I often wonder whether it will ever stop, you get over one thing and just when you think it all over, something else comes along. It is all learning for us as far as I can see. That doesn't help much does it, sorry. I hope for your sake things get better. Wishing your life becomes calmer soon.

Fiachna50 Thu 12-Sep-19 20:27:46

Sorry I have always thought that expression is nonsense. Having been through horrendous times in my life with way more than I could cope with, God has nothing to do with it.

Doodle Thu 12-Sep-19 20:32:05

At some point smileless you and your family will be reunited. I hope for you it will be sooner rather than later but at some point there will be peace and all animosity and arguments will cease. You and your loved ones will be together forever in His love.

blondenana Thu 12-Sep-19 20:34:16

Sorry, but i have to agree withFiachna50 sometimes life is too hard for some people and faith doesn't help them

BradfordLass72 Thu 12-Sep-19 20:51:39

Smileless2012 I'm so sorry you are feeling at the end of your strength. It's hard isn't it? I'm glad you have your faith, it is precious.

Yes, we do have to struggle all our lives, no matter how long we live.
It doesn't get easier and for very many it is far, far more than they can cope with.
The suicide, drug, drink and mental illness rates prove that.

As a keen student of history, I can see it never was an easy life - look at the medieval peasants; or the people hanged for stealing a loaf when they were starving. Or the horrors of the workhouses.

So in very many ways, the 21st century is the best so far - but none of that minimises the grief and sorrow we all go through personally.
Who cares about the modern world when you are hurting?

The only thing I know and which comforts me when yet another awful thing happens, is that I got through it before and hope to again.
Life changes, nothing stays the same and eventually, if we can hold on long enough, there will be some lessening of the pain and a kind of happiness again.

It is so tempting to ask 'Why me?' as if Fate has singled us out for constant challenges.
It hasn't and the only logical answer to that question is, 'Why not?'

No one is immune, we just have to help one another stay afloat. And that, in very many ways, is what the wonderful posters on Gransnet endeavour to do.

Ginny42 Thu 12-Sep-19 20:54:51

I can't enter into a debate about God, but some people are dealt terrible blows in life and I question how can it have been meted out by some divine being to test them? How can a being somewhere be testing the resolve of the mother of that tiny innocent child thrown into a river? Life is beyond cruel for many people and some will never recover from the blows life deals them.

Estrangement is very hard to bear I know. You are grieving, so please be kind to yourself. I sometimes think it's important to turn the love you have for the other person back to yourself. Love yourself enough to find the strength to simply carry on and to find happiness in the small things.

If I'm honest, I envy you your faith. I wish I had some strong belief to keep me putting one foot in front of the other. May you find peace sooner than you think. xx

paddyann Thu 12-Sep-19 20:59:06

what kind of God would give you that amount of suffering ..not my kind of guy thats for sure.I used to think it would be good to have something to believe in but honestly ...the best things I can believe in are my husband and myself .We dont make things difficult for others or ourselves and can always find a way through even the most difficult of times.I hope your God is a bit kinder in future to you but I'd be suss about someone who meted out horrible things to people who dont deserve them in the first place .

Fiachna50 Thu 12-Sep-19 21:01:19

I just want to add Im not having a go at anyones faith, I just dont agree with the saying.

crazyH Thu 12-Sep-19 21:01:48

Oh Smileless, not like you at all..... One of those days? You are a stalwart of the estrangement threads, so strong, so encouraging , so have your lovely Mr S. Give him a hug and you will feel better.
You are only 58....I'm hoping this is just a bad day. I know it's always there with you, this sadness, this longing to see your GC. I pray you will feel better. Have a nice sleep and I promise you will feel better in the morning. flowers

lemongrove Thu 12-Sep-19 21:03:47

Smileless flowers
This situation has gone on so long for you, it must be awful for you and your DH, so very sad.
Faith always helps people ( that doesn’t mean we get what we want of course) but I would never think that faith doesn’t help.
I don’t believe we are being ‘tested’ though, not at all.
Where there is life there is hope.

Iam64 Thu 12-Sep-19 21:07:20

Estrangement is so painful and it doesn't go away.
I hope the comments dismissing your faith don't sting too much Smileless.

Look after yourself and be gentle with yourself. Estrangement is like a bereavement without the rituals that accompany the loss of a loved one because of death. There can be hope with estrangement that reconciliation my happen but, for many the relationships have been irrevocably damaged. It's different for everyone and to have your faith dismissed is unkind. Not all of us have faith, some reject organised religion but its a personal thing and imo no harm is caused by respecting that.

Anniebach Thu 12-Sep-19 21:09:06

God gives us strength to cope will the ills of life , he doesn’t give us the ills.

Smileless2012 Thu 12-Sep-19 21:37:51

Thank you everyone for your responses.

I do understand how strange it must seem to those who don't have faith and I sometimes wonder if it would be easier if I didn't but then again, I don't know how we (Mr. S. and I) would have coped without ours.

Yes crazy one of those daysblush. Mr. S. has just come in and his hug has helped as it always does. He wasn't expecting to find me in a bit of a mess.

Thank you Annie, you've been through so much but are always there for others.

Luckygirl Thu 12-Sep-19 22:08:32

I am sorry that this terrible estrangement has blighted your life - I cannot begin to understand how dreadful this must be for you.

I do not know where the saying about God arises from - but I certainly do not think it is true. It implies that it is God who has inflicted these bad things on you - I am sure that the God you believe in would not be a party to that.

We get rubbish hurled at us as we go through life and have to find ways of dealing with it - for some it is a faith, for others it is just soldiering on as best we may. But I do not believe that these trials are "given" to us - they are just part of the human condition.

I hope that tomorrow will feel like a better day for you - I had a really rubbish day yesterday when I could have wept all day - but today I have bounced back; and I hope this will be the same for

Smileless2012 Thu 12-Sep-19 22:27:24

Just got Mr. S. to find it for me Luckygirl.

1 Corinthians 10 v 13 "No temptation has over taken you that is not common to man. God is faithful and He will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it".

I'm sorry you had a rubbish day yesterday. I hope I'll be bouncing with you tomorrow.

Fiachna50 Thu 12-Sep-19 22:34:17

Anniebach, what you say makes sense to me.

BradfordLass72 Fri 13-Sep-19 00:00:05

For everyone hurting and having a bad day.

Hope you feel better soon.

Apricity Fri 13-Sep-19 00:26:41

Someone I know who was dealing with a heartbreaking series of family illnesses said that if one more well meaning person told her 'God doesn't give us any more problems then we can cope with' she was probably going to punch them. Maybe offering help rather than platitudes is more useful.

Another friend whose lifelong struggle with family disability has often prompted the comment 'I don't know how you cope' replies 'I didn't have any choice.'

Whether you believe in a god or not, it all comes down to the randomness of luck, good and bad. There is no fairness/unfairness or deserving/not deserving aspect. And we all do the very best we can with the cards life has dealt us.

Grannyknot Fri 13-Sep-19 07:59:50

I have a friend who says "God takes us into the water to cleanse us, not to drown us". To which my stock reply always was "Well, I'm drowning not waving"...

I agree with Lucky trials and tribulations are part of the human condition and the God of my understanding wouldn't be visiting hardship on people just to see if they cope.

thanks for anyone struggling with life.

kittylester Fri 13-Sep-19 08:36:19

The mother of a friend of DD1 has just been given a few weeks to live. When dd asked her friend how he was coping. He said that he would miss his mum but knew she was going to a better place and he would see her again eventually!

Dd and I both wished we had such faith.

I'm sorry you had a bad day smileless but I envy you your faith which must help so much.


Anniebach Fri 13-Sep-19 09:05:33

God does not inflict sorrow or suffering on us. Did he choose me to have two still births and the death of my husband in five years ? No.

Simple question and answer - why me ? why not you ?.

Lessismore Fri 13-Sep-19 09:09:52

I have a friend who is a Christian and preys that God will help her lose weight.

How does that work? Why can't he sort out some more important stuff?

annsixty Fri 13-Sep-19 09:37:23

He obviously doesn't or we wouldn't be here to comment.
I remember saying to someone when they quoted that to me that I wished He didn't think he knew me so well.
I have been tested many times over 70 odd years and still am.
Kindest thoughts go to you all.

sunseeker Fri 13-Sep-19 09:39:07

Lessismore God had already shown your friend the way to lose weight - eat less, exercise more - it is their choice whether they wish to do that, I speak as someone who is overweight but that is my fault not Gods