God doesn't give us more than we can cope with

Smileless, I read this thread earlier, but had tears in my eyes and felt very emotional, so didn't post then.
I don't know what to say, or how to help, but am so glad that you have your faith.
As to how long, I can't answer sensibly, but every day as it comes. Some bad, some much better. You will get through.

We were severely 'tested' some 10 years ago, and our faith kept us sane. Prayer, and the kindness and understanding of our ministers, and the hugs from our DH's.
Also coming here and being able to unload and receiving support, is in itself a kind of healing.
Sending you a gentle hug and love.

I am so glad you have something to believe in smileless2012, that gives you comfort.

I personally am not particularly religious, but my mum is and always puts me in her prayers everyday, which gives me comfort in a strange way.

Especially at the moment as i am going through a tough time with a health diagnosis and i have not got the one person in my life who would have given me no nonsense advice as to what to do.

Smileless - a suggestion
I had a friend who was a widow. Older than me. She had a grownup son with Downs Syndrome, he was 40+.
I once asked her how she'd managed to cope all these years. She said that for a long time she was angry with God, fought against Him. Until at last she gave in and accepted things as they were. And feels a lot better since then.

Your post has helped Auntieflo as have everyone's who took the time to respond. Thank you all.

I'm sorry that your having health problems Bopeep and I hope that you continue to get some comfort from your mum's prayers.

The acceptance thing is very true.My most often used phrase now is” it is as it is”
It makes life simpler than questioning all the time “why” “why me”.
I have friends whose lives seem to run on oiled wheels, it may be true, they may be hiding facts, but I now accept and get on.

Similar to you ann, dh and I say 'we are where we are - where to next?' A sort of acceptance of the situation and a determination to move on.

I don't think God sends the suffering, why would children get abused and murdered, why did The Spanish Inquisition and similiar atrocities happen to good people. They died horrible deaths. So I don't believe that He only send what we can cope with. It's man that hurts man, not God. My friends marriage ended when her badly disabled daughter was born, why her? Her husband couldn't cope and left them, her life has been one of battles for her child, she is worn out. I do believe that acceptance of why not me and moving and having faith that hopefully things will improve gets you through. That we owe it our selves to make the most if the life we have, for its all a miracle really.
Smileless, on another thread you were tested, when a poster was awful to you, it came at a time when you were low, with good reason, losing someone to estrangement is one of the worst things that can happen. You have a lot to be thankful for. That Poster isn't happy or your son to be so cruel, you are not responsible for their actions but you will go through this. Life isn't easy for lots of people in different ways, we cope and help each other.?

ann you are so right. My mantra over the last few months has been ‘it is what it is’. Acceptance is the key to getting on with things.

God? Get real!

I rarely thought of God until I was in hospital awaiting an operation for cancer. I prayed for the first time since I was a child. I didn't ask to be cured, I asked for the strength and courage to face what was to come. Immediately I felt a calmness flood through me - yes the treatment was difficult but I truly believe that God was with me throughout giving me strength. Even the nurses told me they had rarely had a patient who was so calm and positive.

Anja how can you be so cruel?
When I have had bad times, difficult times, sad times, I literally hand it all over to God.
I become calm and do not fret about what I cannot change.
Who give sme peace?
God does!

sunseeker I can relate to that, because I had a similar experience ( a long time ago) and have had other similar ones since then too.The feeling of calm and comfort was like nothing else in the world.

I was listening to a podcast the other day and one sentence struck me: if you look back at your life, you will see that all of your growth, strength, and wisdom as a person has come from the hard times and challenges. I can't argue with that. Doesn't make the hard times any easier, and for some of those horrid experiences, I would rather not have "grown", but it does put an interesting perspective on it for me.

This another way of saying, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger “ and I agree with that Canuka

Thank you Peonyrose

He may not be real to you Anja and that's OK but He is real to me and others here and that's OK too.

sunseeker and lemongrove those feelings of calmness and peace are beyond description aren't they and they're what I should remember when everything gets on top of me.

I agree Canucka and annsixty. There's a plaque on the wall of the gym I go to and it reads "Take pride in how far you've come and have faith in how far you can go".

I m sorry but I am with Anja I do not believe a word of it. The nuns may have helped, trying to indoctrinate me for 5 years.

Charleygirl5 That's fine - I didn't used to either. I remember something someone said to me many years ago "You don't have to believe in God but He believes in you"

Fennel I'm sorry I missed your post as I was posting at the same time. Your friend is right, it did get easier when I accepted that this is the way things are and there's nothing I can do about it.

I have been going through a worrying time with a family member recently. I have read several times”when you pray coincides happen and when you don’t they don’t”. My prayers recently have been more direct and an amazing number of coincidences have happened over the past few weeks (at this point the non believers rush in to say yes that what coincidences are and nothing to do with God - don’t bother). Such strange things have happened. No the problem hasn’t been resolved. Yes I am still worried but I can’t discount what a strange number of things have happened, unbelievable coincidences in the last few weeks.
I believe Anja, you don’t. That’s fine, no need to be rude.

Just a comment and probably totally irrelevant but I have to note how nice it is to see God’s pronouns capitalised. That seems to have gone out of fashion and even our service sheets in church no longer do it,

All I can say is - God must think I am a VERY tough cookie!

For me, my philosophy is that life's often hard, for most if not all people. We all have crosses to bear.

I am thankful, despite all the set backs and body blows, I am still carrying mine. Our strength and our attitude gets us through if we are lucky. Some fall along the way and find getting back up a real struggle.

When I told my neighbour (a while ago when one bad time followed another really bad time) that God might be testing me by giving me one heartbreaking trial after another, on top of all the family responsibility and caring I'd had to shoulder alone, she accused me of "letting the Devil in!"

I was quite taken aback and insulted. I like to think we have a higher power who doesn't mind us questioning our lives and sometimes asking "What's it all about?"

I think I am blessed to have strength and determination, despite a fairly dodgy body full of weaknesses and ailments of various sorts. I also look for silver linings in most clouds, if I possibly can, although there have been a few big ones which darkened my world for a long, long time, until the pain of it all eased a little.

"This too shall pass" is a phrase that keeps me going.

Smileless, big hugs to you.

Wishing you strength and the ability to endure those very difficult days when the pain of your loss is hard to bear.

I find it amazing that our strength can be renewed, even when we hit rock bottom.

God is certainly testing me at the moment. As if losing our beloved daughter in May wasn't enough, DH was rushed into A&E on Wednesday night with a suspected heart attack. He's had a 'dicky ticker' for years and has a pacemaker.

Thankfully, it wasn't but there is definitely a serious infection going on somewhere so he's having a barrage of tests. As of today they still haven't found the cause. Antibiotics are working and diuretics are taking care of the alarming build up of fluid. He put on a stone in weight in a few days!!!

As a family our way of dealing with a crisis is to knuckle down and soldier on but the last few days have been hard emotionally.

I can't say I have as much faith as I used to have but I do agree with the reasoning that when we are tested we dig deep for an inner strength and if a belief in God helps you find it and gives you comfort then so be it.

I am so sad for you Smileless and merlot and everyone going through difficult times. Sadly I'm afraid it's part of being human and caring for one another.

I personally don't believe in God, but get my support from other kind and compassionate humans. I guess we're all struggling.

This life is hard and each of us finds a way of surviving, whether that it is belief in a supernatural being or in others to help you through.

Gransnet is great for support, mainly.....

So sorry to hear that your husband is ill at the moment merlot - I hope they find the cause and knock it rapidly on the head.

The jury is out for me on the existence of a god; but I sure as eggs cannot imagine a supreme being who gets his/her kicks from testing people in such a perverse way. I would have thought that he/she would have been above such pettiness.

I believe in kindness - end of. That seems to me to sum the whole thing up.