God doesn't give us more than we can cope with

ann you are so right. My mantra over the last few months has been ‘it is what it is’. Acceptance is the key to getting on with things.

I don't think God sends the suffering, why would children get abused and murdered, why did The Spanish Inquisition and similiar atrocities happen to good people. They died horrible deaths. So I don't believe that He only send what we can cope with. It's man that hurts man, not God. My friends marriage ended when her badly disabled daughter was born, why her? Her husband couldn't cope and left them, her life has been one of battles for her child, she is worn out. I do believe that acceptance of why not me and moving and having faith that hopefully things will improve gets you through. That we owe it our selves to make the most if the life we have, for its all a miracle really.
Smileless, on another thread you were tested, when a poster was awful to you, it came at a time when you were low, with good reason, losing someone to estrangement is one of the worst things that can happen. You have a lot to be thankful for. That Poster isn't happy or your son to be so cruel, you are not responsible for their actions but you will go through this. Life isn't easy for lots of people in different ways, we cope and help each other.?

Similar to you ann, dh and I say 'we are where we are - where to next?' A sort of acceptance of the situation and a determination to move on.

The acceptance thing is very true.My most often used phrase now is” it is as it is”
It makes life simpler than questioning all the time “why” “why me”.
I have friends whose lives seem to run on oiled wheels, it may be true, they may be hiding facts, but I now accept and get on.

Your post has helped Auntieflo as have everyone's who took the time to respond. Thank you all.

I'm sorry that your having health problems Bopeep and I hope that you continue to get some comfort from your mum's prayers.

Smileless - a suggestion
I had a friend who was a widow. Older than me. She had a grownup son with Downs Syndrome, he was 40+.
I once asked her how she'd managed to cope all these years. She said that for a long time she was angry with God, fought against Him. Until at last she gave in and accepted things as they were. And feels a lot better since then.

I am so glad you have something to believe in smileless2012, that gives you comfort.

I personally am not particularly religious, but my mum is and always puts me in her prayers everyday, which gives me comfort in a strange way.

Especially at the moment as i am going through a tough time with a health diagnosis and i have not got the one person in my life who would have given me no nonsense advice as to what to do.

Smileless, I read this thread earlier, but had tears in my eyes and felt very emotional, so didn't post then.
I don't know what to say, or how to help, but am so glad that you have your faith.
As to how long, I can't answer sensibly, but every day as it comes. Some bad, some much better. You will get through.

We were severely 'tested' some 10 years ago, and our faith kept us sane. Prayer, and the kindness and understanding of our ministers, and the hugs from our DH's.
Also coming here and being able to unload and receiving support, is in itself a kind of healing.
Sending you a gentle hug and love.

Lessismore God had already shown your friend the way to lose weight - eat less, exercise more - it is their choice whether they wish to do that, I speak as someone who is overweight but that is my fault not Gods

He obviously doesn't or we wouldn't be here to comment.
I remember saying to someone when they quoted that to me that I wished He didn't think he knew me so well.
I have been tested many times over 70 odd years and still am.
Kindest thoughts go to you all.

I have a friend who is a Christian and preys that God will help her lose weight.

How does that work? Why can't he sort out some more important stuff?

God does not inflict sorrow or suffering on us. Did he choose me to have two still births and the death of my husband in five years ? No.

Simple question and answer - why me ? why not you ?.

The mother of a friend of DD1 has just been given a few weeks to live. When dd asked her friend how he was coping. He said that he would miss his mum but knew she was going to a better place and he would see her again eventually!

Dd and I both wished we had such faith.

I'm sorry you had a bad day smileless but I envy you your faith which must help so much.

Lucky

I have a friend who says "God takes us into the water to cleanse us, not to drown us". To which my stock reply always was "Well, I'm drowning not waving"...

I agree with Lucky trials and tribulations are part of the human condition and the God of my understanding wouldn't be visiting hardship on people just to see if they cope.

for anyone struggling with life.

Someone I know who was dealing with a heartbreaking series of family illnesses said that if one more well meaning person told her 'God doesn't give us any more problems then we can cope with' she was probably going to punch them. Maybe offering help rather than platitudes is more useful.

Another friend whose lifelong struggle with family disability has often prompted the comment 'I don't know how you cope' replies 'I didn't have any choice.'

Whether you believe in a god or not, it all comes down to the randomness of luck, good and bad. There is no fairness/unfairness or deserving/not deserving aspect. And we all do the very best we can with the cards life has dealt us.

For everyone hurting and having a bad day.

Hope you feel better soon.

Anniebach, what you say makes sense to me.

Just got Mr. S. to find it for me Luckygirl.

1 Corinthians 10 v 13 "No temptation has over taken you that is not common to man. God is faithful and He will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it".

I'm sorry you had a rubbish day yesterday. I hope I'll be bouncing with you tomorrow.

I am sorry that this terrible estrangement has blighted your life - I cannot begin to understand how dreadful this must be for you.

I do not know where the saying about God arises from - but I certainly do not think it is true. It implies that it is God who has inflicted these bad things on you - I am sure that the God you believe in would not be a party to that.

We get rubbish hurled at us as we go through life and have to find ways of dealing with it - for some it is a faith, for others it is just soldiering on as best we may. But I do not believe that these trials are "given" to us - they are just part of the human condition.

I hope that tomorrow will feel like a better day for you - I had a really rubbish day yesterday when I could have wept all day - but today I have bounced back; and I hope this will be the same for you.

Thank you everyone for your responses.

I do understand how strange it must seem to those who don't have faith and I sometimes wonder if it would be easier if I didn't but then again, I don't know how we (Mr. S. and I) would have coped without ours.

Yes crazy one of those days. Mr. S. has just come in and his hug has helped as it always does. He wasn't expecting to find me in a bit of a mess.

Thank you Annie, you've been through so much but are always there for others.

God gives us strength to cope will the ills of life , he doesn’t give us the ills.

Estrangement is so painful and it doesn't go away.
I hope the comments dismissing your faith don't sting too much Smileless.

Look after yourself and be gentle with yourself. Estrangement is like a bereavement without the rituals that accompany the loss of a loved one because of death. There can be hope with estrangement that reconciliation my happen but, for many the relationships have been irrevocably damaged. It's different for everyone and to have your faith dismissed is unkind. Not all of us have faith, some reject organised religion but its a personal thing and imo no harm is caused by respecting that.

Smileless
This situation has gone on so long for you, it must be awful for you and your DH, so very sad.
Faith always helps people ( that doesn’t mean we get what we want of course) but I would never think that faith doesn’t help.
I don’t believe we are being ‘tested’ though, not at all.
Where there is life there is hope.

Oh Smileless, not like you at all..... One of those days? You are a stalwart of the estrangement threads, so strong, so encouraging , so empathetic.....you have your lovely Mr S. Give him a hug and you will feel better.
You are only 58....I'm hoping this is just a bad day. I know it's always there with you, this sadness, this longing to see your GC. I pray you will feel better. Have a nice sleep and I promise you will feel better in the morning.

I just want to add Im not having a go at anyones faith, I just dont agree with the saying.