Scared of church

Quite a few churches, of all denominarions, have house groups and like Fennel says, that is how the early Jewish (budding Christians) groups did is because they were persecuted.

Now, house groups fill a different need: for people who cannot get out but want the contact of people who believe, as they do.

I agree you don't need an actual church building to feel near to God but it is nice to have a few people around you to pray, discuss various subjects, sing and rejoice.

Ring the Vicar, they may have a house group, or you may inspire them to start one, wouldn't that be goo?

Writing that has made me realise how much I miss it!!

Sally - your OP reminded me of my Mum, who had been a regular church attender. Then she had a stroke, and felt that she had lost that connection with spirituality, and was very upset.

Stansgran - I'm glad you posted that. My sister, who returned to Christianity after many years as a 'don't know' belongs to a cathedral fund raising comitee. They live in a big city.
My view is that old fashioned churches, and huge religious buildings (synagogues included) are far too expensive to keep going. Much more practical to have smaller places for prayer. As has happened to the many non-conformist chapels here.

Our local cathedral no longer feels like a sacred space. It's mayhem with shouty people behind a desk trying to. get donations and rehearsals for concerts. On Saturday there was a Halloween tea party and recently a business dinner to raise funds and an auction of stone. Not a place to go for solace and peace.

Sally - sorry I missed the bit in your post where you said you don't know the vicar or any of the regulars.
I hope your local church has a group who visit and give support to people who are poorly, physically or mentally.
Many do, and if they don't they should. That was Jesus' main mission.

A lot of people cry in church. It is not a problem to anyone else, other than feeling concerned for you. You may find if you go to a service you know people who go there. I wish you well.

sally God is with you whether you are in church or not. You don’t have to pray or say much at all. I think the idea of going in at a time when there is no service is a good one. Just sit and see how you feel. I hope you can gain some comfort this way.

I agree with annie - see if you can find a church that is open but empty. Forget about going to services at the moment.

Many churches are in beautiful, tranquil places, even those in towns. Our village church has lovely views and wildlife. I often sit on the bench in the churchyard and enjoy the peace. If the weather is bad, the inside of our church is just as peaceful.

No need for any religious faith - we can all benefit from a bit of quiet contemplation!

Another idea to start - invite church friends and your vicar, to come and pray in your home.
I changed from C of E to Judaism after marrying a Jew and this is what many Jews had to do when they were persecuted.
Still often do now.
Whatever building you're in, God hears our prayers .

Would it be possible to go to something that isn’t a regular “service”. Our local church does coffee and a couple of Fairtrade type stalls once a month. Just like going shopping really.

It also does a 10minute lunch talk each Friday. Not religious. A variety of speakers talk about something important to them or sometimes just read a story.

The non conformist church does breakfast on a Sunday in the Hall. Bacon sandwich, a Bible Story and a very short prayer.

I’m not a formal church goer myself but I’ve enjoyed all of these.

Churches are keen to find ways to reach out to people who find formal church services very daunting.

I experienced exactly the same on the two occasions I tried to go to church. It matters not if your husband is an unbeliever or even if you are an unbeliever, as doubters too are loved by god maybe even more so than believers who have never doubted..

Why not sit with your nice husband at the very back so you can easily eave if you start to cry? You can always explain tot the minister after wards and she will understand and applaud your effort.

Sorry Sally I just noticed you don’t know any of the congregation. Maybe you could e mail the vicar which is less scarey than phoning but I realise that might be too hard as well. So maybe just doing what people here suggest and sitting in the church or any church when it’s empty you might meet someone who knows or just try being there.

I also find it difficult to go to services despite being a church goer all my life. I agree going into a sacred space and sitting, lighting a candle, just being even if you can’t pray with words can feel healing and calming. If you were able to contact your vicar( do you know anyone who knows her/him) they will come to see you at home, pray with you if you want, bring communion....they should be understanding of your needs. Sometimes I just use the words of a well known prayer each day even if it doesn’t feel real. I hope it will be.

Good advice ready given.
You say you don't know the vicar of your chosen church, would it help to invite the vicar to tea you could briefly explain why you were doing this.
You would then at least feel that he/she wasn't a complete stranger.

I've never been sure why, but although I love going to church, I don't like going for services. I much prefer just going into any open church and sitting, wandering around, thinking my thoughts etc. Sometimes I go into the big cathedral near me, full of tourists usually, but find a quiet corner and just sit.

Maybe, as Anniebach has said, that would be a good way for you to start. Of course, there is a lot to be gained from becoming part of a church "community" but maybe that will come later for you. .

I often do what Anniebach suggested. I prefer to pop in during the daytime (btw, our church is open all day) , when I am on other errands. I light a couple of candles, stay a few minutes and say a little prayer. I prefer that to the formality of a Mass. Perhaps it's because it drags on too long and there's a lot of distraction.
I hope you find the strength to go back to church . You are lucky to have a supportive husband. Don't give up.

That's lovely advice Annie.

Have you been into an empty church ? Just walk around, sit a little while if you want to , choose a short prayer , The Jesus Prayer’, is just one line ,

Give yourself time x