Struggling with Church.

I think you can't go wrong if you live life with kindness and good morals. I wouldn't go, your decision is made. Live life your way x

I am a Quaker by the way like Alison. Anyone is welcome to come to a Quaker Meeting. Alison describes the Society of Friends well. We call people who come to see what it is like, “enquirers”. There is no pressure to become a Quaker though. It would be pointless if it did not come from the person’s own mind and heart.

I took the decision to have nothing further to do with (my then Christian) religion some 15 years ago. I had come to the conclusion that without religion this world would be a much happier and less violent place. So far nothing has persuaded me that I was wrong.
My sister, a born again Christian, told me a year or so ago that God had done something wonderful in saving her from severe financial difficulties, 'Lord be praised'. I listened while she explained. I said well that's all very nice, but wasn't it this 'God' let the problem arise in the first place?
I'm convinced that religion is no more than a superstition and was probably invented to explain the reason for thunder and lightning. The concept of grace before a meal is something I find disgustingly hypocritical. How can one thank this 'God' for the meal about to be eaten when the same rather nasty God seems content to let so many starve?
Don't see the elder, you'll feel better for it!

I don't say grace, but I have done so in the past, at school and when visiting old people. Saying grace is good whether you are 'religious' or not, as it reminds oneself not to take good things for granted.

If you are religious you are often expected to believe in a supernatural order of being . I understand Buddhism is the only religion with no supernatural being or beings.

Its your decision. You are not under any obligation to meet the 'elder' and it would be fine to politely and clearly decline the meeting. There is a risk that your 'inner child' is feeling guilty or obligated here - so find your adult mind set, and act from there. You can be caring towards the 'inner child' - she wants to be heard - but let your adult take the decision. I hope that makes some sense. I wish you well.

So many wise replies. I went through similar conflicts in my 30s, after growing up in the C of E.
IMO each one of us, from our inborn nature, has an affinity with a certain type of religion. Including agnostic or atheist.
We need to search to find the one that's right for us.
So make up your own mind, don't listen to your elder.
I tried others before settling on Judaism.

I agree with Vampirequeen original post. I gave up on religion about 5 years ago. I have to say that life has been much easier since then. You make your own decision and then live with it. Good luck

Take your time Londonwifi, there is no rush. See how it feels to live without your old church for while. We have different needs at different points in our lives. That church has served you well in the past, but then is not now. Like others here, I was raised in an orthodox religion and went to a Catholic school. (The nuns were great by the way - Sr Catherine could be reduced to giggles, Sr Margaret tried to be stern but couldn't help herself, Sr Theresa was "glam" and elegant in her robes), so they gave me a foundation. My dad, also Catholic, urged me to question news, journals etc. and this included religion. Catholicism was good for me till I was early20s, but since then I see no need for the "crutch" of organised religion, and feel better for it.

Just be true to yourself. You know your ‘Elder’ is going to attempt to get you to reconsider. I was raised Roman Catholic. Like you, I was doubtful about some stuff, even when very young. In adulthood, I became p, for all intents and purposes, an athiest. I also try to live by Buddhist principles. Buddhism is more of a philosophy than a religion.

I have every sympathy with the OP. I gradually lost the faith I grew up in and now call myself a humanist. I still adhere to the ethics of Christianity but can no longer believe in the supernatural/metaphysical aspects. Therefore, I haven't been in a church (apart from weddings and funerals) for around 50 years. My children were not baptised as I left them to make their own decisions and they did - not religious.
You might find the writings of Richard Holloway compatible with your position. Between 1986 and 2000 he was Bishop of Edinburgh and resigned when he realised he was an agnostic. His theological position has become increasingly radical and he has described himself as an "after-religionist",with strong faith in humanity. I think you might like his book, 'Godless Morality; keeping religion out of ethics'.

Fennel As an atheist I really don’t - and I wonder why you would think that? I wouldn’t dream of thinking that everyone with a faith has an affinity with atheism, agnosticism or any other form of non faith, and that they just to search to find the right one.

It seems from reading some of the posts that having no faith is seen as something that can simply be rectified with a little bit of effort and by trying out a few churches to find the right one for you. It’s actually quite insulting to those of us who have absolutely no faith and never will do.

Kryptonite you are so wrong..... Richard Dawkins has always said that he doesn’t have all the answers....not one scientist of worth would even suggest they have all the answers. But religionists are total fools...because they DO believe they have the answers and if anyone dares to question them for evidence ...they come up with that old chestnut ‘faith’ . Faith is not evidence.... The trouble with Christians it seems to me is that they have never actually read the bible...whereas Richard Dawkins has a thorough knowledge of it! As do I! Once you have the knowledge...it’s very simple to let it slip into the ‘childhood of our species’

Why does the OP have to try another branch of Christianity? Once you cease to believe in God that's it. It doesn't matter where or how you hear the story. To you it's still just a story.

I prefer the Roman and Greek gods. They didn't pretend to be all forgiving. If they liked you and they were in a good mood they might give you a helping hand but if they didn't like you or were in a bad mood then you were in serious trouble. [I wish we had a wooden spoon emoticon ]

I describe myself as a "respectful agnostic", meaning I am a total "don't know" - and respect others' right to believe what they believe.

I am not a Dawkin fan really - I think others have described the atheist stance with more subtlety.

But I do believe in kindness - I just think that is the bottom line - we truly cannot the answers to the big questions; but we can strive to the best of our ability to be kind to those around us, within our own limitations.

To the OP I would say that it might be best to try and leave aside the guilt that goes with leaving a religion and just move forward in kindness.

Thank you so much to everyone for your wise words. I have a lot to think about. Your reading and YouTube suggestions are on my to do list!
I have made my decision and although I believe in a God and probably always will, I think it is a kinder God than the God that organised religions worship. I am also unhappy with a lot of attitudes displayed within some of the church members. They can be very judgemental. Having said that, there are a lot of friendly people there too.

Londonwifi, you are reasoning and thinking for yourself, rather than merely following what you were brought up to believe. As you have made your decision, perhaps a clean break is best.

Thanks Hetty58. I think you’re right. I was brought up to be a people pleaser and that has been my downfall all the way through my life. It’s only now that I’m getting the strength to be my own person and look after my mental health because certain types of people wear me down. No more! ??

"I wouldn’t dream of thinking that everyone with a faith has an affinity with atheism, agnosticism or any other form of non faith,"
That's not what I meant, SirChenjin.
hard to explain - I think some of us need a God to believe in and follow, others don't accept mystical things.
I'm not saying either is right or wrong.

Fennel - you said "IMO each one of us, from our inborn nature, has an affinity with a certain type of religion. Including agnostic or atheist. We need to search to find the one that's right for us"

I'm struggling to understand how else to interpret that - you said that each of us (and that includes those of us who are agnostic or atheist) have an affinity with a certain type of religion and we need to search to find the one that's right for us. Why do those of us who are agnostic or atheist need to search for a religion?

Just a point: some posters have put "elder" in inverted commas. Perhaps they are thinking of the Elders in the Book of Mormon who go round converting people? Can I point out that in Presbyterian churches like the Church of Scotland, the elders form the local church government and have responsibilities for the members in their districts. The minister is the teaching elder and the others are the ruling elders and are drawn from the congregation. I don't know which church the OP has been a member of, but it sounds to me more like the C of S than like the Mormons.

SirChenjin - I'm not sure.
Probably because I think agnosticism and atheism, and humanism, are also forms of religious belief.
Also the belief that Mother Nature is the supreme force. As with some of the farmers I've known.

Saggi. You don’t need to have ‘ knowledge’ of the Bible to be a Christian, but you do need to have been told by someone who has, what to do to be saved. That doesn’t involve reading every word, and you’re right, most Christians, myself included, have probably not read the whole book. We have been directed to the New Testament, where Jesus tells us what to do to be saved. In John 17:3 Jesus says “Now this is eternal love, that they know you, the only true God, and the one whom you have sent, Jesus Christ.”
As for evidence of a creator, just look around you. Most of it has not been constructed by man. OP, Christianity is not about a set of rules, that’s religion. It’s about the relationship with Jesus.

They’re really not Fennel - they’re a complete absence of any form of religion faith or doctrine. Those of who who don’t believe in gods and as a result follow no religion and need no religion are perfectly content with that, honestly!

It depends what you mean by religious faith/belief.
I used to think that the devotees of football teams such as our Newcastle United and ManU have their own religion.
We all need something to worship.

Do we? I certainly don’t worship anything