GrauntyHelen, your experience is helpful. This is a 'safe place' to share opinions.
The practice of clapping seems to divide opinion the most, but I assume that those who don't like it would join in if the family called for it?
There are things decided by the family, such as balloons, and certain music, that I regard as none of my business unless I am asked. However this thread is mostly about smaller individual gestures.
I think that at a funeral of one of my loved ones, if someone did something I didn't like (one has been mentioned here) I would nevertheless know it was intended out of kindness and respect and treat it as such.