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How to go to church when I am not into groups

(37 Posts)
Milsa Mon 16-Jun-25 21:33:16

I am foreign woman married to a Catholic. I used to church go in my country, listen to the service, light a candle, see a priest if I have to and leave. No groups, no coffee meet ups. Etc.

I am not into groups

grandMattie Mon 16-Jun-25 21:56:01

You can still do that here, should you wish to.
But if approached, just politely say that you have no desire to mix/group.

Chocolatelovinggran Tue 17-Jun-25 08:01:43

I go to church, take part in the service, and am out of the door the moment it ends. I'm famous/ notorious for it !
Church doesn't have to mean church gatherings if that's not what you want.

Maremia Tue 17-Jun-25 08:12:53

Just do the same here, if that's what you want.

PamelaJ1 Tue 17-Jun-25 08:13:28

I am on the PCC of our church. We have coffee ect. after the service but it’s not compulsory. Most people stay ( for my sausage rolls I think) some don’t.
All welcome

Cabbie21 Tue 17-Jun-25 09:48:57

Do the same here.

Septimia Tue 17-Jun-25 10:47:10

I agree with the others - you don't have to stay and socialise after the service or get drawn into anything more if you don't want to. You might find that, in time, you want to chat to someone and I'm sure you'd be welcome.

Otherwise, just say a friendly goodbye to anyone you pass and leave.

Most people stay at our church because we live in a small community and it's a chance to catch up. Sometimes, though, someone will say no to coffee and that they have to get back; no-one minds.

Caleo Tue 17-Jun-25 11:19:44

Milsa, I do understand!
I absolutely expect the people who go to your church will accept you just as you are.

I congratulate you for knowing what you want and need.

NotSpaghetti Tue 17-Jun-25 11:23:35

I am not a regular church goer and
I don't go for drinks.
I like to light a candle after a service and take a moment to reflect - but I never stay for coffee.
Nobody minds.

Please don't feel wrong to not join in.
flowers

henetha Tue 17-Jun-25 11:23:48

I'm the same. Just go to church and then leave immediately.
Don't get pulled into having coffee etc. Most people do understand.

Astitchintime Tue 17-Jun-25 11:32:02

I understand the OP too………I recently called in at our local church, there was a drop-in event and I thought I’d get an idea of when services were etc.
However, I found it to be so cliquey…….to the point of being excluded from a casual conversation about the gardens surrounding the church entrance and being glared at for sitting in a particular seat. Needless to say, I didn’t go back.

Caleo Tue 17-Jun-25 11:40:07

Maybe a Catholic or Anglo Catholic church would be more like Milsa describes and would suit you better.

Mojack26 Tue 17-Jun-25 13:51:16

Go to church and then leave. Why do you think you need to join a group? That is your decision not a pre requisite.

creakingandchronic Tue 17-Jun-25 13:53:58

It's what spoils it sometimes for me. I like to sing the hymns, say prayers, and go to the altar for bread and wine. That's it.
saying that I did stop at a church where I used to live for coffee and met some lovely people. I got involved with them doing teas, washing up, etc. for funerals, etc. at the village hall, including for a really lovely lady who sadly passed away too young.
i have never found a church here, yet i feel happy with

mabon1 Tue 17-Jun-25 14:02:21

When I go to church, I leave as soon as the service is over. Others go to an hotel nearby for coffee, which costs £3.50p, a price I am unwilling to pay. I couldn't give a damn what the others say, anyway they are all wealthier than I.

RobertaDanversWalker Tue 17-Jun-25 14:07:41

You don't have to join a group. Just go to mass etc and then leave.

gransruleok Tue 17-Jun-25 14:14:52

The last service I attended, the congregation were invited to turn and hug the person to their left. Made me very uncomfortable, not been back, not my thing at all.

ExaltedWombat Tue 17-Jun-25 14:22:00

Yes, churches tend to try to make a newcomer 'welcome', they're very keen on 'fellowship'. And I'm afraid a polite 'no, thank you' will be construed by some as just shyness, and they'll keep trying. Perhaps you'll have to spell out your preference for solitary worship at greater length a couple of times. But if you become a regular I'm afraid you'll have to put up with a lot of friendly nods and smiles.

What's the difference between a Christian and an atheist? The Christian doesn't believe in just one less God...

Nanny27 Tue 17-Jun-25 15:05:56

Must be me being extraordinary dim this afternoon but after reading Exhalted Wombat's "What's the difference " ending I'm afraid I still don't get it.

NannyMags Tue 17-Jun-25 15:17:47

Nanny27 I do not understand the statement either, can the OP please enlighten us? Exhalted Wombat

Nanny27 Tue 17-Jun-25 15:23:08

NannyMags I'm so glad it's not just me

crazyH Tue 17-Jun-25 15:36:07

Milsa - I am a Catholic. I am not in any groups, but I do go to Sunday Mass if I have time. Our church is open during the day and I pop in sometimes , on my way to the shops.
There is nothing stopping going in to say a prayer.. you don’t have to chat to anyone, not even the Priest. And if you want to chat, he will be there . Good Luck

Aldom Tue 17-Jun-25 15:56:57

Nanny27

Must be me being extraordinary dim this afternoon but after reading Exhalted Wombat's "What's the difference " ending I'm afraid I still don't get it.

When an atheist claims that they just believe in one fewer god than Christians, it's not a minor difference.
Christians dismiss all but one possibility for who created the universe. While atheists dismiss all possibilities and claim the universe came from nothing.

Google

RillaofIngleside Tue 17-Jun-25 18:24:46

Our church is a very kind community and we do enjoy meeting up for coffee and events. But some do choose to just come to the service and leave, everyone is free to come to church in the way that suits them.
The PP who referred to the hugging - that is a part of our church if England service, wishing our neighbours 'peace'. Some shake hands, others wave, others hug. We are free to do this in whatever way we feel comfortable with.

Madmeg Tue 17-Jun-25 18:37:21

The RC Church was a major part of my DMs life - but she only went to Mass and never joined in the coffee etc afterwards. She definitely had a quick chat with a few folk but that was it - she was off! I have to say that she was an impatient lady altogether - no time to waste, though not sure what she did with all that spare time!

When she died, I not only declined the Requiem Mass (far too long-winded for mum), I also asked the funeral directors to make decent progress from her house to the crematorium. It suited her well.