My best scammer wind up to date.

I love what you have said to them,Vampire Queen and others.I'll have to think of things to say,I tend to say thank you very much for calling me to see how I am,very kind,and I'm not even a customer of yours,Bye.It's the automated voices that I dislike the most,they can sound a bit menacing,I can see why people do as they ask,I never do.

My favourite, on being told I'd won a mobile phone, was to exclaim "excellent, I need a mobile home". The callers frustration as I kept the pretence of winning a new mobile home was the most enjoyable experience!! I kept telling them to speak up as I'm deaf and when were they bringing it to me, shall I buy a new car to tow it, where will I keep it, can I put a washing machine in it, can I have a garage built to house it, what colour is it and is it like my friend Mabels mobile home?!!
I kept this up for 10 minutes until they put the phone down on me - I wonder why?!

I love winding up scammers on the phone if I have the time. They usually start by asking me how I am, so I tell them all about my aches and pains, my husband's aches and pains, next doors dog with its aches and pains, etc, etc. the longest has been well over an hour

I got a call yesterday telling me that the warranty on my washing machine had expired.... and could they sell me a new insurance policy for it. Soon backtracked when they found that I’d had it for 15 years and my aunty had previously passed it on to me ) They couldn’t get off the phone fast enough !

Marydoll

Many of the scammers are based in Calcutta, India. Some even work from their own homes.
I love to read about the scammers being sophisticatedly scammed in reverse by clever IT specialists.
Their web cams are hacked, their faces shown, all their files deleted or even better, their computers having viruses installed remotely and rendered unusable.

Wow, I'd love to be techie enough to do that to them!

I had a call from sky last week saying that I had a fault on my line & they could fix it . ( I’m not with sky ) I told them I’m really glad you have called because my internet has been okaying you so much that I wish to cancel my sky . They put the phone down in me ?

These responses are brilliant! The best one I ever thought up was in response to a call about my recent road traffic accident. (I don't even have a car, never have.) But I kept it going and she asked me to describe the accident. So I explained about how I had been driving along and the huge green UFO landed in the road in front of me, and these 2 reptilian aliens with tentacles got out and started bashing my car with long metal poles . . . It actually took her ages to hang up, so I kept making the story sillier and sillier, to the point where Superman arrived . . . That did it and she finally ended the call.

Sorry predictatext internet has been playing up so much lately

i usually get the one about a virus on my phone line and my pc . i tell them the only virus i got is you . and put down the phone . another my brother told me about he spoke to a person who was expert on the pc . my brother been in pc since they came about in the 1970's ,he asked the chap whose name was wayne ,was his second name kerr? wayne kerr???? slam went the phone . we laughed till we cried .....

Oh, some wickedly funny ones here! Thank you!
The best one I did, in response to one of those "you've had a car accident" scam calls was:
Me: yes I have had a car accident and I'd be interested in making a claim, but I will have to check with my sergeant first.
Caller: pardon, what do you mean.?
Me: I was driving an unmarked police car at the time of the accident so will need clearance from my sergeant before I can claim.
Caller - puts phone down hurriedly ???

Some of these are wonderful. Next time I get a live cold caller, I'm going to have me some fun. Thanks, ladies!

Some years ago we had a call from BT to our business:
BT- Can I speak to the person that handles your intenet connection?
H- No he died 3 days ago
BT- Well can I speak to the person who is now handling your internet connection?
H- No, they are all at the funeral and I'm just here answering the telephones
BT- Can you tell me his name?
H- God
BT- How do I get hold of him
H- I just look up and he's always there waiting for me
BT- Is his service reliable
H- I find it so
BT- Can I write to him
H- Some people do leave him written messages
BT- OK Goodbye

There were no condolences just ploughing on.
The worst part was about 4 days later a letter arrived from BT about internet services addressed; "Dear Mr God" and we kept that on our notice board for several years to amuse our clients

Oh, well done! What fun!

These are all such imaginative responses! My mother used to keep a whistle by her phone that she would blow into the receiver before the days of prerecorded scammers.

I was nearly fooled this past year when I was made redundant and so became a freelancer again. I received a phone call from HMRC saying I owed taxes, it gave me a fright till I told DH who said it was a common scam. Because I had changed my tax category I was fooled into thinking I’d mucked up.

I shall try out some of the other posters larks next time I receive such a call, such fun.

I actually once had a really decent conversation with a call centre guy. Nothing to do with what he was trying to sell. He thanked me for making a nice change to his usual calls.

My son is always winding up scammers, when I asked why he said the time they are talking to me they are not scamming an old person. ? His latest was HMRC saying a warrant was out for his arrest due to unpaid tax. They didn’t even know his name so he said Ron McDonald and he gave address of local fast food takeaway, after a long conversation he asked them to ring his lawyer, Saul Goodman ( a fictional tv lawyer) who would definitely pay said bill plus a lot more as he said I haven’t paid tax for years and was very sorry. The number was the takeaway. They rang him back to give a load of abuse - he thought it was hilarious.

Just wish the scammers I get were ‘real’ people - all the ones I get are recorded messages that I can’t respond to.

I’ve got all sorts of replies stored up ready for a conversation.

I also play along if Im in the mood. "Oh hold on Ill go and turn the computer on". Then 10 minutes later "goodness you must be right its very slow". Of course meanwhile I am nowhere near the comouter and just getting on with my day and will eventually just hang up on them. It's surprising how long they will hang on for if they think you have fallen for it, and some even ring back after I have hung up!!

We used to get loads of cavity wall insulation ones - obviously "cold callers" rather than scammers. I'd ask them lots of questions about how it did they stop it spreading to the neighbourimg houses as we live in a terrace, eventually leading up tomy finale "where does it go, and how do I get in my rooms if they are full of insulation". "Madam do you have cavity walls...." (we dont!!)

One of my friends got the "There's a problem with your computer" call and gave the caller access to a virtual machine full of the worst malware available. Yes I do have friends like that! (She's a lecturer in computer security.)

Thank you so much. I laughed until I cried

I got one 'following your recent car accident' and saying they could get me Category B compensation. 'Another company has offered me Category B+ compensation, is that better?' The caller sounded very confused and eventually hung up.
When I get those calls from the sub continent I usually ask for a prawn curry to be delivered.

I have several calls over the last couple of years referring to a car accident I have had. It is obviously a opportunist call hoping at some point they will get hold of someone who actually has had an accident. I start off by asking which accident. They then ask again. I tell them I have had three accidents recently and need to know which one they are referring to and so the conversation goes on until they eventually hang up!!!

Wonderful made my day

I always enquire whether their Mother know they earn their living trying to con vulnerable people out of their money and would she be proud of them if she did? Never has a response!

My husband usually answers "Hampshire Constabulary - do you know the number of the extension required" Then the phone goes dead.