Private messaging

I know you are being flippant j05 but I think you have actually made my point rather well, we don't know each other's children or even each other very well, even if we have been on GN forever. I don't think it is possible to really get to know someone unless you see them face to face over a period of time and then you get to know them 'warts and all' and not just the face they show on the Internet.

Just in case there is any misinterpretation I am not critiscising j05! Why do I feel it necessary to say that?

I don't know if the posts were intended to cause hurt or not - as has been said previously on other threads it is sometimes difficult to know exactly what meant by a written comment (sorry haven't phrased that very well!)

Some of the replies to my posts on other threads I have found a little "strident" in those cases I just don't post on that thread any more.

Can we please just draw a line under all this and try to maintain the usual helpful, friendly tone of Gransnet. for everyone

Movedalot, thank you for your thoughts, but the idea that somebody who is heavily addicted to opiates will just 'come back into the fold' is quite bizarre. She is 47, not a 17-year old child having a rebellious phase.
And you are wrong - I didn't expect cruel and insensitive posts, no matter how much certain people dislike me.

I see you did not think my pm was necessary - but was it nasty? Or just a plea from one mother to another for a little compassion? I see you accepted jingle's assertion that it was nasty without knowing what it contained. Could you be slightly biased?

I did not invite anybody to judge me as a mother. I know that I have devoted years and most of my income to helping my daughter. I don't claim to have been perfect but I certainly have done nothing to deserve the way my daughter has treated me. I will always love her unconditionally, and blame the drugs for her paranoid delusions.

Her father and I did share all our basic values and she was brought up to be loving , kind and honest. It is no guarantee of what will happen to your children in adulthood. I am very happy for those of you who posted what wonderful relationships you have with your children - long may they continue.

Just so long as I've knocked any more private messages of that ilk on the head. That's all I wanted with this thread.

Greatnan, I am sorry that you are hurting so much on account of your daughter's problems

Thank you, Bags.

Perhaps, jingle, you would now explain why you posted that my pm was nasty and unpleasant. You obviously wanted to paint me in a bad light and I think it was a very devious thing to do. You could have sent me a private reply.
It is a pity some people just took you at your word, without knowing the content of the pm.

Greatnan no I am not biased. I did just accept it, as is my nature. I accept what people say until I have a reason not to. I couldn't live with myself if I was always suspicious of people!

I think you may be wrong about whether someone can change later in life. I know someone who was heavily addicted to alcohol who changed in later life and as they say 'where there is life there is hope'. Please don't give up hope,.

While you twist what people say you must expect some resistance. Nowhere did I say you should 'expect cruel and insensitive posts'. I said variety, that is your interpretation and I cannot understand why you so often put an unpleasnat interpretation on what I say!

Also I didn't say you invited anyone to judge you! My comment made it quite clear that I didn't think anyone should! I wish you would try to read what I say in the spirit in which it is meant.

IMO all any of can do is what we think is in our child's best interest whether that means saying 'yes' or saying 'no' when appropriate. My own mother let one of my brothers get away with all sorts of things and it did him no good at all. I didn't get away with anything but I will leave it up to others to judge whether it made me a better person or not.

Your private message was totally diabolical Greatnan.

I am not going to enter into private messaging with you.

Movedalot - you say you always think the best of people, but you were ready to accept that somebody had sent jingle a nasty pm without seeing it. Don't you think it would have been wise to reserve judgement? I am quite sure that if you had read the original thread you would have been in no doubt that I was the person she was referring to.

Greatnan Do you ever apologise when you are wrong? Once again you have chosen to distort what I said! Anyone reading this latest post would think I had said something totally different to what I did.

I have just re-read the Perfect Mother thread and I cannot see one post from jingl which directly addresses Greatnan's relationship with her daughter. I'm actually at a loss to understand which posts Greatnan finds hurtful, as they seem to be pretty general.
The other person's posts are quite obviously directed at Greatnan.

greatnan as someone who works full-time I don't often have time to post, so I don't think we have a 'history'. But I am very aware of your 'great sorrow' and I'm grateful I don't have this kind of pain in my life. I have read both relevant threads carefully.

I do think there is a bit if verbal fencing going on between some posters who have a bit of a history and it's hard to assess how much is said tongue in cheek and how much has a deliberate sting in the tail.

Having said that, do you think perhaps you are sometimes either sensitive to remarks which may not have been deliberately intended to hurt or perhaps feel the need to hit out because of your pain? Sometimes it might be that you are seeking reassurances from friendly posters that you are in the right?

I'm NOT trying to be hurtful, just asking that you look inside yourself honestly to see if any of these could be possible?

Jo you are in the middle of a disharmonious thread again. This seems to be happening more and more frequently at the moment.
Greatnan oxygen makes a fire burn more brightly.
I agree that if anyone receives a PM they think breaks forum rules (or the law) then they should get in touch with GNHQ.

There is something strangely familiar about this.

Oh God. Here they all come.

Usual lot.

I HAD EVERY RIGHT TO PUT THIS THREAD UP.

Please stop it everyone [covers ears with hands emoticon].
I have only been on GN a few months but that's long enough to have observed that whenever one of these spats breaks out, someone seems to get hurt and stop posting.
I think that's a great pity.
It's so easy to misinterpret posts, either to give offence unintentionally or to take it when none is intended. We all enjoy a robust argument I think, but these two threads have been something different.
Sorry isn't such a difficult word after all

Can we just accept that there does tend to be friction/clash of personalities amongst some members of the forum [including me] so we should be extra careful/more sensitive in some situations? But also realise that a lot of us live alone and sometimes when we open our heart up on this forum we are probably feeling somewhat vulnerable. No group of people will be without differences of opinion etc so we have to be extra careful when on a forum as comments are all the more open to interpretation.

Hear Hear jane - I get the feeling there may be something else behind all this which I for one am unaware of - if not then can everyone please just drop it. Life is too short for petty little squabbles. If you were hurt Greatnan then I am sorry about that but surely it is better to just move on rather than keep picking at it.

I will ask GN if they will delete this thread. I am sure my original intention has been accomplished.

Definitely déja vu. I think it's the Tony Blair defence that rings alarm bells.

? Are we on the same thread absent?

Yes jO5 but I wasn't talking about you.

Sorry absent that one went right over my head

...and mine