I just do not understand...

No, of course a thread that mentions another thread will not automatically be deleted. That would be absurd. However, there have been deleted threads where many, if not all members have been puzzled and not a little annoyed by the deletion simply because the thread became (or indeed started out) as a thread about a thread. That was all I was pointing out. I was not having a go at hopefulnanny and I'm very sorry to hear that she has apparently taken an "undeserved battering" but I don't think I can possibly be accused of having done that.

They can throw you the ball but you don't have to catch it!!!

Pogs well said!

It is the case that sometimes a thread mentions/discusses another thread. It is not the case it follows GN will delete the thread. It is the attitude and down right nastiness of the thread that makes GN delete it surely.

hopefulnanny

I understand exactly what you say. It is true that you do have to have to have a thick skin at times to post on certain threads. Just because some GN's do not post that does not mean they are not viewing and making a judgment as to who said what, or thinking, what an arrogant comment, what a nasty thing to say, does that person know empathy, has that person no humour etc. etc.

Don't give it if you can't take it. Don't take it if someone is being hurtful.

'Discussion is an exchange of knowledge/Argument is an exchange of ignorance'

Aka I was, helpfully I thought, pointing out that there is always a problem when a thread starts discussing a previous thread and it usually ends up with the second thread being deleted. This has happened on a number of occasions and has caused an upset on a number of occasions. I think it is best avoided. You had no reason to be so rude.

Phew indeed.

Phew! You had me worried for a while!

Bags - I've done it again, and posted too quickly. It should, of course, have read that the majority of posts are well meant.

Iam: my belief that a minority of posts "are well meant"

A minority? Really?

Gosh

So does that mean you think most posts are not well meant? And if so, why? And what does that mean?

I don't think I understand this at all.

Elegran I accept your point that some posts may have been written rather quickly and can be read as being critical or unkind. I apologised to a poster soon after I joined, as I'd posted in haste, and when I read the post back, it was badly worded and could have been read as deliberately rude or provocative.
However, I stand by my belief that a minority of posts "are well meant"

Well said, Marelli!

Quite a few of us have had quite personal issues that we've brought to Gransnet. We've probably done this because we've despaired of finding answers for ourselves or from our friends or family - and also for fear of being judged. A couple of years ago I sat here in the small hours, laptop on knee, willing someone to be there on Gransnet that I could speak to. Perhaps feeling a bit like Tegan, when she phoned the Samaritans. I really was despairing that night and I think that if I'd had a brisk ''pull yourself together, woman - it can't be as bad as that", I would have never posted again.
However, that didn't happen - and I did get quite well-informed support as well as a good bit of comfort. A bunch of didn't go amiss here and there, either.
When a new poster starts a thread asking for advice or just wanting to talk about something they're worrying about, they're doing so not really knowing what sort of reaction they may get - but more than likely they'll have read a few threads already and seen the type of comments some people have made about certain issues. However, they're not likely to be hardened Gransnetters like some of us already are. You notice I say 'hardened' not hard!

Jendurham you don't know whether someone is a teenager or a granny, which is why everyone should get treated with consideration (until and unless they show themselves to be one of a tiny minority taking the p*ss)

Iam64 you don't know about advice given either. If it is not 100% in favour of the poster, yes, it is possible that the reply is meant to hurt. But it is not necessarily so, and more likely not, but a too hasty reaction that should have been delayed and reworded. Benefit of the doubt needed, again, and a calm reminder that the OP does not need that degree of brisk back-stiffening right now.

If it becomes a fight over the issue, does that help the person who wanted advice? It could stir up their emotions even more. If I were the one posting my troubles, I would not like to have warfare break out over my head.

I hate to use an overworked down-on-the-street word - but "Whatever"!

How can anyone conclude that "all the advice on Gransnet is well meant, even though it may seem hurtful at first glance". That reminds me of the folks who say they call a spade a spade - and then use that as an excuse to be rude to others.

absent is right. And she has the right to say it.

Hopeful I think all the advice given on Gransnet is well meant, even though it may seem hurtful at first glance.

This thread was not intended to be about any one particular case.

I am usually on here late at night. I found this site a few months after my husband had died. He died at 10 minutes to midnight. If I am not asleep before 11.30 I find I cannot go to bed, so go on the computer. I am quite often surprised when 1.00 arrives.
However, I stopped for about a year, because someone told me "Cancer cures do not always work, you know," which sounded quite hurtful to me as my husband died of brain cancer four months after it had been diagnosed.
This time I have stayed for longer because of people sending me kind pms.
I am not a teenager pretending to be a granny, but how would you know?

Back off Absent.

Hopefull has already taken a battering that she didn't deserve and does not need any more unhelpful remarks.

When I first came on GN I too had to suffer at the hands of certain people who thought they owned the site and therefore were free to state their opinions regardless of the feelings of others. Many kind people stood up for me or I wouldn't still be here.

So let's draw a line under this

__________________________________________________________

hopefulnanny As a self-confessed gransnetter for a few (well, obviously, a maximum of just under two and half) years, you must be aware that posting on one thread about another thread is generally frowned on by GNHQ. When, as a result, they delete whole threads, it tends to cause a degree of angst among many members.

It has been with interest that I have followed the threads over the last few days after I originally submitted my post , having decided not to leave Gransnet as the sound advice and kind words from the majority outweighed the comments of one or two on here. I have chosen not to join in , not because I am a lurker .I have been a member of gransnet for a few years despite not over posting due to many life changes. However what is clear to me is that in order to be accepted by certain people you need to be the stiff upper lip type and then you are truly welcomed into their fold. I admire those who can do this but I can also be empathetic to those who cant like so many of you lovely ladies were to me. This is not to say that I have not gone over my feelings when i wrote my post and that maybe it did seem critical but I think its that thing of trying to fit all your emotions into one post without it continuing into pages. And I love my daughter dearly despite what others might think .
So I think my thread has probably run its course as it has been given a lot of discussion ,not due to its original content , but more in a way of highlighting about maybe only responding if you think you can offer non judgemental advice and support. I do however suspect those doing that will never accept this as has been evident by conversations I have followed.
Thanks to all of you , especially Aka (smile)

We seem all to be agreed on this thread on how to react to people who bring their problems and troubles to us. I don't know how it is that some threads end up as arguments between a whole lot of people who are not even the ones with problems!

Elegran they just probably need chatting back to. Not wrapping in cotton wool.

to get too...

Yes. It's ok to come on and have a moan, but I don't think we need too heavy about it.

So they need a bit of friendly strengthening, at a midpoint between total warm bath and icy shower?