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Alcohol

(29 Posts)
janeainsworth Thu 21-Aug-14 19:50:50

OGM Your DiL has a serious problem, doesn't she, and your son is probably just as worried as you are.

Grannyknot (I think) posted this link some time ago about how family members can help - I hope it helps you.

www.thecounselingcenter.org/The_Counseling_Center/10Ways.html

Nonnie Thu 21-Aug-14 10:22:17

OGM I can imagine how helpless you feel. Perhaps you could try talking to your son again at an appropriate moment? It won't help her but may help him as he certainly knows, even if he is in denial.

Whether or not she is an alcoholic, she is certainly alcohol dependent (not sure if that is the same thing). If your son can talk to her about it he is probably the only person who can make her change and even he probably can't. An alcoholic has to want to change or it won't happen.

Sorry but I think you just have to stand back. You can of course talk to Alanon and see if they can offer you any advice. Good luck

suebailey1 Thu 21-Aug-14 10:10:33

I'm sorry to hear how worried you are about this but sadly I don't think there is very much you can do. She will have to come to her own realisation about the issue. I suppose when you are out you could just order for the whole table some soft drinks but I guess you would instruct the waiter herself. I wouldn't give her my bed again though! It seems a bit unfair to you to say don't have any drink in your house when they come- she would just bring some of her own. Is she very stressed- I know when I had a very stressful job I drank a lot? Perhaps she needs support with whatever is making her unhappy and in need of a drink. Hopefully some of the very wise Gransnetters will have more suggestions. Best wishes.

Oldgreymare Thu 21-Aug-14 10:00:17

Dear GNHQ,
Perhaps a reciprocal arrangement with Mumsnet to suggest some answers to my dilema:

My DIL is a heavy drinker, up to 2 bottles of wine each night. The family stayed here recently, so I was able to see this happening, altho I have witnessed this when we have stayed with them over the last few years.

One day I took her shopping, suggested a coffee break to be told she doesn't drink coffee when she is out so we found her a glass of wine. On the way home I treated her to supper, she had 3 large glasses of wine. When we got home she found and opened a bottle of white wine ( I had not offered har a drink at that point) which she drank, followed by about a quarter of a bottle of red wine left from the day before.
The following morning, needless to say, she was sick (in my bed which I give DS and DIL when they stay!)
My son dismissed this by calling it a bug!
I did mention to him, some time ago, that I was concerned about how much she drank. He gave me a wry look and said nothing!

The GC have noticed too. DGS did say he thought she was a borderline alcoholic. A couple of days later he watered down this comment by saying he thought she only drank about 3 glasses per night ( I wonder whether his loyalty to his Mum dictated this remark). DGD says 'she only thinks about wine!'

I am at a loss as to what to say or do, if anything, and would welcome advice from Mumsnetters.

Many thanks.....OGM