Huge egos at GNHQ

Is there someone who does that roses? I am

I have never reported a post by a member - only spam posts. Unless the post is racist, homophobic or similar then I think we are all old enough to either deal with it or simply not read posts by that particular poster.

If an offensive post is directed at a particular member then that member should be the one to report it.

I find the older I get the less offended I am by things. If someone has a different opinion to mine then I would prefer to have a reasonable intelligent conversation about it, rather than posts being deleted. If they can't have a reasonable conversation then I simply withdraw from that thread.

It wasnt me if you think it was me!
I report less than I did.
I have become someone has become hardened.
I now have been on here long enough to realise that a spat one day, does not normally have much or any impact on the next day's gransnet activity.

Some posters are grateful for others to report it. I am not going into details.

Why are so many people on gransnet now assuming that, just because they have become hardened or immune to insensitive comments then everyone else has or is it some sort of forum initiation thing . A sort of 'you can all say whatever you like on here these days because, hey, we've all been de sensitised'.

I've been contacted by GNHQ in the past to say that a member had been upset at something I'd said. I was very sorry that the person had been upset. It certainly hadn't been intended and I apologised immediately by PM and this was accepted at once and we're all OK about it now. I suppose something typed can sound a bit different from what is intended or can be read in several ways.
I have reported spam before but also, more recently, something that I thought was just too offensive about another poster. I thought about it for a while before I did it then decided that internet bullying doesn't just affect youngsters and this felt like bullying to me. Looks like maybe GNHQ did too and it was removed.

I agree that it is unfortunate on a forum such as this that people need to get hardened to a particular member who makes comments that lack sensitivity. I do not know what the answer to it is, and often think that it puts new members off - people who might have valued contributions to make. I do not think that there is anything to be done about it, except shrug the shoulders and acknowledge that the world is full of different folk, some of whom approach life in a very different way.

And yet there are quite a few new names appearing on the forums, which suggests new members are not put off at all. One can worry too much.

Also, as usual, what one person thinks insensitive another thinks funny or daft. Shrug and hey ho do seem to be the best responses most of the time.

I'll admit that sometimes someone will post something that I wish I'd had the nerve to say.
But I've never been one to 'rock the boat'.

I'm not "worried" about putting off new members; just wondering if I would have joined when I see some of the posts that have arrived recently! There will always be plenty of new members who want to enter the competitions!

I think the crux of the matter is that being kind always beats not being kind in my book - and I am always very conscious of the fact that we do not know what burdens someone might be carrying on an online forum, so always best to err on the safe, respectful side.

I agree that it is hit and miss. It seems some very innocent post get deleted and a whole thread a week or so ago but then quite offensive things are left on.

I thought I never rocked the boat until today nina, although not a deleting manner!

I do think there is a problem when things are written down. There's something about the written word that makes it more formal or firm or something.

I only look at the site occasionally because I've got quite a busy life at the moment but when I do look, I enjoy reading some of the threads and am informed and entertained. However, I am cautious about posting. Just now, for instance, I was reading the thread on heartburn and someone said something like 'we hear a lot from people who are strangers' and I felt a little put off by that, 'oh, is that me' etc.

It's obvious that a lot of those who post are regulars and know each other and maybe you've been posting for a long time but for a 'newbie' as they get called elsewhere, it can feel like walking into a crowded cafe where absolutely everyone knows everyone! Scarey.

I haven't seen enough deleted threads to really know what this is about, but it's good that there is some moderation because look at what happens on some Comments columns, people say the most dreadful things. Like Luckygirl above, I think being kind in life is important and I hope no one has taken exception to what I have said here, this is a most interesting forum. Thank you all !!!!

I too think being kind is important as Luckygirl says. And I seem to remember being quite kind to her, and trying to help her back in the Winter. Easily forgotten eh Lg?

Perhaps I should have a name change. 'no angel' would be appropriate. Sometimes I get exasperated when the same old moans about the older generation in families, crop again yet again. But we must all be perfect all of the time on GN it seems.

Not possible here. Sorry.

What's that old saying about sometimes having to be cruel to be kind? Just substitute another word where cruel is... sharp, for instance, forthright, truthful (truth sometimes hurts), straightforward, frank, contrasuggestible, argumentative... All of those and many more can be taken for 'cruelty' (aka unkindness), but in my opinion they usually aren't.

Yes, we need to be kind in general but a bit of spice now and again does not mean one is being unkind. Some discussions by their nature need to be robust and direct, which some may take as unkindness again. So leave that kind of thread and have a look at the kind you do like.

Seems to me people like to have a moan about meanness every now and then when really there is very little on gransnet.

I have not forgotten jingl - and it is/was of course appreciated. But it may be that some others have not been so fortunate.

I think the 'cruel to be kind' idea demands that we know someone very well indeed before we risk venturing into that territory - and none of us know the others posters so well that it would be appropriate here.

That's why I suggested subsituting other words, lucky. More neutral ones.

I don't believe in the 'cruel to be kind' thing. I hope I am never really cruel as such. Just sometimes perhaps, short on patience. As I say #noangel

I think really the way to approach us all is to see each other as eccentric elderly aunts, who are largely OK but occasionally say something that stops you in your tracks, but then you grin and carry on. As I have said before none of us are real so it doesn't matter.

Rosanna you know we were all new once and felt like you. I can remember posting stuff and it being ignored, well most of it still is, I do tend to say daft stuff. But really it is good to hear from new people otherwise it must be boring listening to us oldies chuntering away on our particular hobby horse ( mines politics - I know terribly boring).
My grandmother was called Rosanna nice name I always think.

It's impossible to know if one's posts are being ignored unless one has asked a question of a specific person and it isn't answered. I expect a lot of posts that appear to have been ignored have actually been read by a number of people.

We can't always expect comments on our posts, in fact you would have to be super arrogant to think that, but as thatbags says , people still read them, so it hardly matters ( and it hardly matters if they don't read them either!)
On kindness in posts: in depends on the subject matter of the OP, if it is somebody with a problem they are airing then it's the right thing to be as kind as possible.On other subjects, we can all air our opinions,we are not six years old and shy after all.

And certain subjects do lead to heated discussions where politeness does tend to go out of the window, rather...

Exactly,