This forum, numbers, statistics and a bit of logic?

TwiceAsNice

Oh thanks Bathsheba that is kind!?

And from me, although not abusive, I now see that my ex husband was rather coercive control.

TwiceAsNice I'm sorry you have missed out on that kind of relationship

We really don't want a menu of kind and caring posts. No matter how often the 'let's be kind' subject comes up (as it does, with irritating regularity)- I disagree. It would be boring as hell to be censored like that!

My understanding of the Toby Belch line in Shakespeare is:

Just because you're such a paragon of virtue and refuse to celebrate, do you think others can't enjoy the cakes and ale?

A little bit like, 'Just because you're on a diet, don't expect me not to eat fish and chips followed by chocolate pudding.'

To me the spats that have occurred here on GN, without elaborating we all know who starts them, is tantamount to a women going into a football club, rugby club say, where I imagine the main subject matter is the sports in question, and saying "can we talk handbags or mascara, because I'm feeling ever so excluded" Not that I think most women prattle on about such shallow subjects, well occasionally maybe!

What does the name "Gransnet" suggest for heaven's sake, I mean why get all hoity toity about it not being inclusive to men, not that they are excluded, can't you be happy with that??? Men have had clubs, organisations galore, that have precluded women for centuries. Male organisations, giving the nod to the little woman in doors with the preposterous "Ladyees Nights" patronising them in the worst possible way with a "we're going to include you for one night a year aren't you lucky"

Humour relating to observations about the foibles of our other halves really doesn't need to interminably put under the microscope the way it has been. What starts off as a light hearted thread becomes increasingly tedious with the same old, same old. Although it has to be said the longer all that goes on it eventually goes full circle, descends into a farce and becomes really funny! I think many of us are self deprecating enough to know that we have characteristics and mannerisms ourselves that could fill pages, lets face it quirks are all part of the human condition as is humour and God knows we all need that at the moment!

phoenix quite a bit of support here!! Dont change!!

Phoenix how can anyone take your posts seriously. I find there is a great deal of love shining through them.

Phoenix, how can I have missed one of your posts?
I am with you.
However, some men, mine included, were brought up in non-jokey, very serious, households.
When I met DH and introduced him to my family, he was all at sea.
My lovely dad was a great joker and often very straight faced, so it took a long time for him to 'get it'.
We will have been married for 59 years, this September, and
by jove, he is almost there. .
He now takes my silliness with good grace.

Apologies if I've gone off subject, or got the wrong end of the stick.
You know me, post a thought , and that's it. End of post.

I have noticed that although there is a Grandad's Shed where the male posters can go to talk about Manly things without being subjected to female harassment, it is always empty. I take that to mean that they prefer to mingle with the women to discuss both serious and joking topics. They are happy to exchange a bit of goodhumoured and unthreatening banter, because they don't have any hang-ups which cause them to feel put-down by it.

Perhaps it depends on early conditioning, and on attitudes to wider aspects of life than just male/female relationships?

It seems that I am the only male on this thread at the moment (or the only one willing to put his head above the parapet) so I do feel uniquely qualified to comment.

I am sometimes irritated by the male-bashing sweeping generalisations in some posts. "Offended" is a strong word - no I don't feel offended but I do feel aggrieved. I see posts about husbands never offering to cook (I do ALL our cooking), about men in general being obsessed with football (in my opinion the 2nd most boring activity on the planet (after golf)), and so on. Over the years I have learned to bite my tongue from time-to-time.

I get that I am perfectly capable of starting a similar thread from the opposite point of view, but that isn't really the answer. If I countered every "All men are useless" thread with a similar "All women are useless" thread I would be shouted down - and rightly so. All I ask for is a little balance.

Thank you for the posts, they are appreciated!

Hetty, I wasn't particularly asking people to be nice, or even "kind", just where appropriate to take posts in the spirit in which they are meant.

Come on Terri there are very few organizations that are not inclusive, I could name a few but I won’t. In many cases there is special provision for women, because some women want it.

The reality is that there is very little online chat between men that is not activity related, cars, boats, golf, that sort of thing, there is no “dadsnet” where men can discuss topics related to family.

Why don’t you ask Gransnet to set up a dedicated thread called Dadsnet David? There’s one called Scotsnet on GN’s sister site, Mumsnet, for example that was started as a result of people asking for it precisely so Scottish people on there could discuss topics specific to Scotland eg family life, schooling, lifestyle.

I can think of several times when members have posted about the daft/silly things that they themselves have done, so it's definitely not all "man bashing"! (Indeed, not long ago, in the bathroom without my glasses on I managed to spray my left armpit with Mr P's shaving foam )

All I'm asking is that if a GN member posts, in a lighthearted way, about something their mention have done, it is taken in that spirit, and not pounced on as an example of misandry!

I had hoped that the wording of the OP had explained what I meant

Is this not indirectly a thread about a thread? The one I am thinking of started admittedly as lighthearted “aren’t men hopeless” discussion.
However at some point a poster was ridiculed before they even appeared on the thread and I definitely found it unpleasant, unlike some it did not make me “cry with laughter”

Phoenix the cabbage thread helped me through a 'bad news' weekend and with the others above, I love your posting style and your humour.
I also enjoy the contributions of most of the men on the group who are, as you say, likely to be a minority.
But I am becoming slightly uncomfortable with the increasing verbosity of a particular contributor. Others have noticed the inconsistencies. We all have to be wary on such a forum that people may not be what they seem - its part of Internet safety.
I can see that in moderation, it can be funny. But the frequent attempts at derailing threads smacks of a need to control. If something makes me feel uneasy, I'm usually not far wrong.

Same here Twiceasnice - so jealous of the great marriages and partnerships here - I wasn't very lucky in that respect but happy for those who have been

I think that could be 'women's intuition', GrannyLaine

I hope that is not a sexist remark.

Lucca
Just for clarity, my "crying with laughter" was at the ridiculous quasi French that was being bandied about.

“Why don’t you ask Gransnet to set up a dedicated thread called Dadsnet David? “

Because I’m way out of date on those topics, as a grandparent of 8 Gransnet is very relevant. I like the diverse political topics, am amused by women arguing amongst themselves and can happily ignore any misandry .

I quite like having some input from a male point of view, but admit some makes me appreciate my own DH and male members of my family even more!

Quasi French