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(31 Posts)
Elegran Tue 06-Oct-20 13:27:37

Phoenix's thread about private messages has been deleted by GNHQ because it went into discussing absent posters. A pity, because it also aired views about PMs. I was about to post what is below on it. If people still want to discuss PMs (but not missing posters, it seems) this thread might get past the censors.

"Private messages are very useful, including ones to groups. If you are organising a meet-up somewhere, and have the names of those who want to be there (usually gained from a public post, unless it is a regular repeat meet), a PM sent to all of them can send all the details of time and place and so on, without cluttering up the forum threads.

Plus, a group of friends who meet often are not necessarily a clique! Is your family a clique? A group you were at school with? Some women you met in the maternity ward? At work? Or is it reserved for a group of Gransnetters who you have never met but whose friendship you are envious of? (and please note that this post is NOT directed at any "you" in particular, so no need for anyone to feel got at by it)"

Lisagran Tue 06-Oct-20 13:31:20

If you have a pm from a poster and in the ‘send to’ line it lists other posters, when you reply does the reply go to all mentioned, or just the original sender?

Elegran Tue 06-Oct-20 13:35:24

I think it is just to the sender, unless you choose to send it to all.

Lisagran Tue 06-Oct-20 13:36:38

Thanks, Elegran

Elegran Tue 06-Oct-20 13:39:42

Try it out - send a PM to more than one person telling them it is an experiment and will they please reply to you and please tell you whether they get a reply from the other person as well. Then we'll know for sure!

kittylester Tue 06-Oct-20 13:58:24

I haven't seen a 'reply to all' option, Elegran. Isf there is one, could someone tell me where.

suziewoozie Tue 06-Oct-20 14:55:36

People will use PMs however they want but don’t insult my intelligence that all uses are squeaky clean. Of course I can’t prove this but then neither can it be disproved so I’ll shut up.

Elegran Tue 06-Oct-20 14:59:04

Kittylester neither have I. I think you have to actively add everyone individually.

ninathenana Tue 06-Oct-20 15:01:18

I don't understand what you mean by not squeaky clean perhaps I'm naive

grannylyn65 Tue 06-Oct-20 15:03:32

Yes you are

Oopsadaisy4 Tue 06-Oct-20 15:04:16

Oh do people plot on PMs then?

I’ve never been part of a clique, maybe that’s why, I thought it was just a normal PM thing.

Elegran Tue 06-Oct-20 15:05:56

suziewoozie Your intelligence isn't in question. Of course it is possible to use private messages to exchange opinions of those who can't read them, just as it is to talk about real life people who can't hear you. That doesn't mean that every group conversation is a witches coven of whisperings. Thinking that is like believing that every mention of "certain posters" or "someone" is a reference to ones's own most recent post - unless one knows that post was a nasty one.

suziewoozie Tue 06-Oct-20 15:27:18

Elegran my post was quite clear - I did not say that all PM exchanges are ‘witches covens’ as well you know and it was unbecoming if you to imply that. As for your comment referencing my criticism of the use of ‘certain poster’ etc I stand by that. There are many examples when that technique is used to avoid the deleting pitfall of the personal attack and you know that.

biba70 Tue 06-Oct-20 15:42:24

Agreed suzie. My comment about pm's come from a bad experience with another Forum- the first I joined a long time ago- for expats in France. It was a mixed Forum but some of us asked for a Ladies only section to discuss health issues which are related only to women. Some of the women, including some Moderators- began to mock one gentleman who was a very friendly member. At first, it was just a bit of fun- then it turned nasty, and some even went ton to try everything to entrap him. I asked again and again for it to stop- but they would not- and it got really unpleasant.

biba70 Tue 06-Oct-20 15:43:43

pms, sorry.

suziewoozie Tue 06-Oct-20 15:47:43

And Elegran you know full well the recent example of the use of ‘a certain poster’ to have a really nasty dig at an easily identifiable individual but to avoid in a cowardly fashion bring deleted. Best day no more as it would become a taat.

suziewoozie Tue 06-Oct-20 15:48:09

Sigh day = say

Elegran Tue 06-Oct-20 16:10:13

Not everyone reads every post on every thread and knows exactly who used what term and who (in that instance) it was referring to. "Certain persons" has been used many times on Gransnet, so there is no need for you to go all prickly about me mentioning it. That says more about you than about me. Your replies illustrate what I meant - a general statement taken as a personal prod and replied to in a confrontational way can turn a conversation into what GNHQ refer to as a "bunfight".

Elegran Tue 06-Oct-20 16:15:41

Perhaps I should add to ALL my posts what I ended the OP with - " . . please note that this post is NOT directed at any "you" in particular, so no need for anyone to feel got at by it . . "

suziewoozie Tue 06-Oct-20 16:17:24

Elegran would you care to address my point that your post was misleading about what I said about PMs? It’s a commonly used GN ‘trick’ to imply that a poster said something other than she did and then attack her for it.
Poster A the sun is shining in Worthing today
Poster B it’s just not true that the sun always shines in Worthing. I’ve been there when it was raining
Poster A WTAF

Elegran Tue 06-Oct-20 16:28:27

No, suziewoozie, because I wasn't referring to you, and (if you said anything similar to what I posted) I wasn't aware of it, so I have nothing to "address

In fact, my "addressing it" would be tantamount to adding your name onto my previous post. Ask yourself - just WHO is dragging your name through the mud here? - You are, not me.

Elegran Tue 06-Oct-20 16:30:12

"It’s a commonly used GN ‘trick’ to imply that a poster said something other than she did and then attack her for it." So stop doing it.

suziewoozie Tue 06-Oct-20 16:38:37

Really ? Really? That’s just not true and you know it. I don’t actually care at all about PMs - they are used for good and ill. But it was you that introduced the emotive phrase about covens which was a tiny bit OTT.- but there you go.

kittylester Tue 06-Oct-20 17:04:30

suziewoozie - you really are barking up the wrong tree.

Elegran Tue 06-Oct-20 18:09:16

Let her bark on, kittylester. I think the squirrel has moved on to more interesting trees.