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Non Grandmothers on GN - Attitudes about Motherhood and Grandmotherhood

(101 Posts)
FannyCornforth Sat 13-Mar-21 11:03:55

Hello Everyone

I am currently at risk of high jacking another completely unrelated thread, so have started this one as I really want to discuss and understand this.

(Just to be clear though, please, this isn't a thread about a thread, rather one a thread prompted by a thread.)

It has come to my attention that some members of Gransnet do not believe that people who are not Grandparents should be on here.

I honestly cannot get my head around this attitude and understand the thinking behind it.

If we had a Feminism board I think that I would have posted this there.

Does it raise further questions about how women feel about other women?
Is it bigotry? Judgemental? Superiority?
Can anyone explain please?

Thank you thanks

(I've just realised that it's quite apt to discuss this today, the eve of Mothers' Day.
And apologies if this has been discussed before, I haven't seen a similar thread though)

Whitewavemark2 Sat 13-Mar-21 11:09:40

I think it has got more to do with the poor choice of name for the forum just like it’s sister forum for apparent younger women.

Some people take things literally which is a tad unfortunate, but personally I would ignore them.

Galaxy Sat 13-Mar-21 11:10:26

I think there are spaces that should be recognised as spaces for the people who are affected by the particular issue. So I wouldnt go on the estrangement thread and offer advice, (I did once without noticing the thread title and was mortified) there is is a topic for black mumsnetters on MN and I wouldnt wade into there, although I read it from time to time. I dont think that applies to a whole forum that covers lots of issues, but I would say that as I am not a grandmagrin

Blossoming Sat 13-Mar-21 11:17:19

I am not a grandmother. I have been a mother. I’m an aunt and grand aunt many times over. I know what it is to love a child. I know what it is to lose a child. I tend not to comment on threads purely about being a gran as it isn’t an experience I share, but I share many other thoughts and feelings with other people in this forum and the discourse is far superior to the ‘U OK hun’ seen on much social media. If GN decide to remove me it will be disappointing but c’est la vie.

FannyCornforth Sat 13-Mar-21 11:18:47

Galaxy I was involved in the Blackmumsnetters discussion from the very start.
It ruffled quite a few feathers, didn't it!
WWM good point about people taking things over-literally.
It doesn't explain why some feel quite strongly about it though.

Sara1954 Sat 13-Mar-21 11:24:28

How is it relevant? Surely the point is that we are women spanning a fairly large age range, whether of not you have grandchildren shouldn’t matter.

I admit, I had the wrong idea about this forum due to it’s name, I was reluctant to put myself into the granny category, because that’s not just who I am. I think to be honest it’s not a very good name if they want to attract a diverse membership.

silverlining48 Sat 13-Mar-21 11:27:25

I always understood that GN was for those over 50 ish who may or not be grandparents.
Or grandparents under 50 or not, or for anyone and everyone who is interested.
What could GN be called to be more inclusive? How about GN, just initials.

silverdragon Sat 13-Mar-21 11:30:06

I'm not even a mother BUT I did ask before I joined if it was okay. I wouldn't have done so otherwise.

FannyCornforth Sat 13-Mar-21 11:35:10


I'm not even a mother BUT I did ask before I joined if it was okay. I wouldn't have done so otherwise.

Neither am I Silverdragon! smile
I didn't ask permission, but I did mention it on my first thread.
Someone on that thread then said that they didn't understand why I wanted to join.

Galaxy Sat 13-Mar-21 11:37:09

I came for menopause advice grin

Newatthis Sat 13-Mar-21 11:37:37

Recently I was told by a member of my family, who hasn't got any children - out of choice as she doesn't really like them, (therefore no grandchildren too) that, 'although she hasn't got children, she would be a much better mother than most of the people she knows and could probably do a better job, as she has many friends who have and have observed them'. There was a programme on TV recently about doctors and life in the hospital theatre, maybe if I watch it a few times I could become a brain surgeon! Blossoming says it all - all are welcome but only comment on what you have experience of.

Lexisgranny Sat 13-Mar-21 11:43:39

Very tricky questions. ‘Gran’ always sound to me like someone in their sixties, but there are more and more grandmothers in their thirties and forties. Is it right to preclude someone because they have no grandchildren. Definitely not, there are many reasons that people do not have grandchildren, some as the result of decisions made by their children. Many older women have young relatives, and their experiences with them often provide a more balanced view, but behaviour etc.

There are many more things. Could add much more but I want to conclude by saying that I am very much against, as a mother and grandmother, in precluding anyone from the forum unless they have joined to mock or make mischief. Live and let live, I say, and dividing women into groups is very very wrong.

Sara1954 Sat 13-Mar-21 11:49:17


I am a grandmother to small children in my sixties, I was also a grandmother to children in my forties.
I have to say that in my forties gransnet wouldn’t have interested me, so I suppose it’s more about age, common interests and experiences than grandchildren.

FannyCornforth Sat 13-Mar-21 11:50:39

Brilliant final comment about 'dividing women' Lexisgranny

Riverwalk Sat 13-Mar-21 11:52:39

Now Fanny, are you making a mountain out of molehill here?

For years there have been members who are not parents/grandparents and I can only recall one or two occasions when this has been questioned, but even they were not in a cruel way, more a genuine query.

Presumably non-grans find their way here via a search for advice on health, family problems, menopause, pets, mobility etc., and then decide to stay!

FannyCornforth Sat 13-Mar-21 11:54:54

Sara I'm in my forties (only just!)
But I've always had friends much younger and older than me. My youngest close friend is 25 and my oldest is 79. As a group, I actually get on with young men best!

eazybee Sat 13-Mar-21 11:58:30

Gransnet is the busiest social networking site for the over 50s. Launched in May 2011, the site has been described by the Telegraph as "a new dawn in grey power"
Not a mention of being a grandmother.

FannyCornforth Sat 13-Mar-21 11:59:00

Riverwalk maybe, but I wouldn't be the first!
And those comments are real, they do often pop up, and I genuinely would like to know the thinking behind them.

FannyCornforth Sat 13-Mar-21 11:59:48

Oh, and they were rude tbh.

Sara1954 Sat 13-Mar-21 12:01:18

How interesting!
My best friend is ten years younger than me, I have a very dear friend, more like a substitute mum really who is eighty.

I work with several young men, and get on very well with them, it would be dull if we stayed rigidly within our peer groups.

Jaxjacky Sat 13-Mar-21 12:20:38

I’ve seen a minuscule number of people on GN query ‘membership’, far more distruptive posts occur!
I agree with you Riverwalk

Peasblossom Sat 13-Mar-21 12:25:07

When is a gran not a gran?

I have three children, none of whom will ever have children of their own.

My sister died young so I am Grauntie to her grandchildren.

Am I a gran?

Witzend Sat 13-Mar-21 12:27:35

I don’t care whether they’re GPs or not.
But for anyone who thinks the name might put people off, suggestions for others?

I’d certainly have joined a GrumpyOldBagNet!

Lexisgranny Sat 13-Mar-21 12:30:22

I would disagree Sara1954, I think your views as a younger grandmother would be very interesting. I was in my 50s when my first grandchild was born, I have friends now who have great grandchildren, but personally I do not know any very young grannies.

Puzzler61 Sat 13-Mar-21 12:30:44

I’m a mum but not a grandma and probably won’t ever be.
I enjoy reading about other GN’s grandchildren, but they don’t talk only about being a grandmother, we also have common interests like pets, hobbies and health in older age.
I also enjoy the many games threads (ducks!, as I know there are posts wailing “too many games threads”.)
Always felt welcome on here but would not try and advise any grandmother about issues re: being a grandmother as I know I don’t have any experience.