Non Grandmothers on GN - Attitudes about Motherhood and Grandmotherhood

Many of us have no problem with men, women, grandparents or not on this forum.
I think it’s a bit of a non-issue to many of us.

janeainsworth I'm not saying that it happens all of the time, but it does happen, and I'm interested in why people think like that.

Look at the 'survey' thread right at the top of the active list if you need to see two examples of posters questioning 'our' membership (and a daft troll).

But, as I have said several times, it doesn't happen that often.

I agree with you Riverwalk & I’ve never noticed anyone being told they shouldn’t be on here unless they’re a grandparent.
On many, if not most, of the threads (politics, news, tv & radio, travel, not to mention the endless games threads) being a grandparent is irrelevant to the discussion.
I have to say too that, as regards judging other women, I wouldn’t dare make a judgemental remark about anyone on here

Hear, hear Terribull ??
(says she, lifting her head from a novel for half an hour!).

TerriBull
Spot on

I meant to add, and I think it's a minority thing, but there are some who think once they've procreated they've joined some sort of superior club. There are definitely smug grandparents, just as there were smug mothers at various stages of children's lives, I'm sure many of us thought at times "God save me from the omni present muffia who hang round the school gates"

My husband has five grandchildren, two we share. Very close he is to all of them too, however he has often told me there are some people he regards as "professional grandparents" who through choice have turned their life over to that role and everything else is secondary. That's not us! I like to think when I get together with friends who aren't grandparents or even parents for that matter I don't go chuntering on about children and grand children ad infinitum, it can be very boring for the listener

Same as TerriBull, I enjoy the book threads, I left for about a year, but it was book chat that brought me back.
I also agree with Blubelle, the name is very off putting, shades of WI and knit and natter groups.

Fanny it was the tone of the other person that made me write such a curt reply. As I stated I thought she was fairly new and wanted to change the rules.

I do not have children, for very personal reasons and I do not think it is anybody else's business. I joined because I thought I could pick up tips on other subjects and I know I have been able to help a few with my ex-professional advice.

I’m a mother but it’s unlikely I will have grandchildren. I really enjoy being on this site. If every thread was about grandchildren then I think it would be difficult to maintain interest for me but it isn’t and a wide range of interesting topics are discussed. I do read some of the threads relating to grand children but rarely comment as I don’t feel in a position to do so. However, it is lovely to hear about the wonderful things grandparents and grand children do together.

I think you should absolutely be welcome on a site such as GN if you haven't had children or grandchildren, not every thread pertains issues surrounding offspring. I first wandered on to MN for their book threads and similarly from MN found out about GN and joined here for the same reason. There are a whole gamut of subjects up for discussion that I can see attract those of the age demographic grandparents are likely to be. Quite honestly, as long as contributors aren't trolls, then I would say what does it matter.

I don’t care who s on here but I think the nane is totally wrong I hate it being called a granny site it doesn’t encourage granddads and before anyone picks me up on it Gransnet does NOT sound inclusive for grandads and that icon is awful three various age old fashioned women ....shutting out men again
I think it would be much better to give it a more neutral name and include anybody and everybody who feels they ‘belongs’
One of my closest friends is younger than my children and has no children of her own but we have a lot in common and she’s older than her years
I d love them to change the name and that darned picture

Fanny
To be honest I think some grandparents can be a little smug, but that’s just my opinion!

Witzend how about about just ‘Grumpswelcome’net’, that would fit perfectly for the tone of some of the recent posts? That might put others off though who just want some online company and banter.

I don’t mean this post FannyCornforth, although I expect it was a regular grump who was so uncharitable to you.

Oh no, I'm not going anywhere.
This isn't about me, or maybe even GN.
I was more interested in how women see and judge each other in relation to their personal circumstances, in particular to having had children.

Lexisgranny
No let’s not lose Fanny, or anyone else without grandchildren.
I do remember being anxious with my grandchildren, I once had my baby grandson with me at a school event, and having to go and find a young dad amongst the parents, to check I’d put the car seat in properly.

But I think that when I had them to stay, they had to fit into my life, rather than the other way around, they loved it actually, their big cool auntie and all her friends.

I've no idea who these women are who think that Fanny as I've not seen such comments - I'd have been happy to tackle them if I had. Sounds like closed minded nonsense to me.

Lucca

Agree it should be for anyone, another thing that bugs me is the lack of men on here. Is it because they just don’t like to witter away on social media like we do ? Or because the name implies female grandparents ? Or because the few men who have appeared have been treated badly ?

I think its the latter Lucca some posters seem to feel this should be an all female site, no idea why.
I was a grandmother at 45 as well so my grandchildren are in their twenties and thirties now. Don't think I would have looked at this site when I was 45. It's a shame if some people think they are not welcome on here because they are not parents or grandparents. Probably not enough of a problem to warrant a name change though.

Jaxjacky

I’ve seen a minuscule number of people on GN query ‘membership’, far more distruptive posts occur!
I agree with you Riverwalk

Sorry Jacky for quoting you again!
But I've already said that one of the very first comments on my very first thread was to say that they didn't understand why I wanted to join, as I wasn't a mother or Grandmother.
I can even remember their name.

Sara1954. (DH now safely installed behind newspaper!!)

I can understand that, and it must have been a very busy time for you. It would just be valuable to have the views of younger grandmothers. I remember driving nervously at about 10 miles an hour with my first grandchild in a car seat for the first time, I wonder what that would be like for a younger grandmother with more recent experience. Nowadays I still sit nervously, but the grandchildren are the drivers!

Similarly it would be sad to lose the wit of people like Fanny Carnforth, just because they are not grandmothers.

If it ain’t broken don’t fix it.

? Monica for inclusivity.

Do not forget that older women as a group are often called 'old grans' or 'grans'as a generic term. Pejorative I know but it happens.

Since such a generic includes all older women whether they have children or not or grandchildren or not, that immediately means that all older women have the necessary qualification to be on Gransnet.

Theree cheers for inclusivity!

Lexisgranny

To be honest, I don’t think I would have been interested, I was a granny at forty five, but my youngest child was eight, so I felt very much more like a mummy than granny, I adore my oldest granddaughter we have a fab relationship, but I don’t think I was as besotted with her as I might have been.

Agree it should be for anyone, another thing that bugs me is the lack of men on here. Is it because they just don’t like to witter away on social media like we do ? Or because the name implies female grandparents ? Or because the few men who have appeared have been treated badly ?

Jaxjacky

I’ve seen a minuscule number of people on GN query ‘membership’, far more distruptive posts occur!
I agree with you Riverwalk

There were two comments posted on one thread in less than a day.
I'm interested in what the thinking is.
I'm not saying that it's a huge problem.

As a nanny I don't think this site is exclusive and it shouldn't be. Anyone of the older age group who wants to chat with like minded people are welcome. Some people have no family and are lonely they are reaching out for company support or advice. I don't think stereotyping should be an issue in any respect grandparent or not.