Rules - Mumsnet & Gransnet discrepancies

Peasblossom

“You took it personally because you are feeling sensitive and easily upset” is just another bullying tactic.

As is “Im sorry you feel that way” .

Always the victims fault. Not the perpetrators.

are you talking to me? as I was being reflective of how I feel at the moment. I don't feel very robust at all

The thing is, there's questioning, then there's haranguing.

(Don't judge me but) Jeremy Vine is on in the back ground - just had a story on about a Judge declaring that the excessive use of question marks is clearly aggressive. So ??? is aggressive. As is !!!!.

An ellipsis is a pregnant pause - always three dots btw you sticklers for accuracy ...

They may not be meant that way, but they are often perceived that way. Punctuation holds as much communication as word choice, syntax etc.

“You took it personally because you are feeling sensitive and easily upset” is just another bullying tactic.

As is “Im sorry you feel that way” .

Always the victims fault. Not the perpetrators.

The mods were looking (and commenting) yesterday so it will be on their radar.
I wonder if it's a pity that posts get deleted, unless it is a personal attack, or potentially libellous?

'Against guidelines' does not always mean that the deleted post was against guidelines and leaves other posters wondering if something unpleasant was said, which is not always the case.

Which rather brings us back to the OP.

I imagine a lot of people don't feel very robust at the moment and are taking things more personal than they would under normal circumstances.

Been thinking about this....

I think people use Gransnet for different purposes (Captain Obvious, me). Some people like to have a friendly chat with other people and chew over the events of the day. Some people look for assurance or support over things. Some people like the Politics threads to have a good old Argy Bargy about topics they feel strongly about.

All of these are valid purposes. The Politics and RF threads can be "robust", to say the least, and I'm not saying that we can disregard people's feelings, but I expect more to be thrown at me there that I expect to get on the knitting threads, and I don't want to be made to feel bad for questioning or really pushing people on points that I think are important to get right.

When the insults get going I just sigh and move on. But when someone just disagrees with me strongly I give as good as I get, I think....

It’s just the same group of people hurling insults at each other over and over again.

I did (foolishly) offer an opinion on one of their threads but was soon driven off, by a concerted sneery, mocking attack.

Now apart from this post I’ll just post occasionally where I can agree with the majority. Then hopefully nobody will feel the need to bully me again for a comment they don’t like.

If you are someone who is feeling better ask yourself why

Well that was me last night PippaZ. I even suggested a group hug!

I think I felt better because we were being a tad more open with each other about how we deal with our feelings when we post. I felt a bit better connected with some posters as I now have a better understanding of their thought processes. No bad thing surely? Nothing sinister.

I just happen to think communication is key. It breaks down (maybe imaginary) barriers and promotes a sense of understanding. I now sound like MM so I’ll shut up.

Bet this thread gets pulled later today ....
?

The mods were looking (and commenting) yesterday so it will be on their radar.

Oh dear - well I expect it will die a death soon. There’s many a thread where people express their concerns and dissent with a post and where people then get upset. If Nell, Doodle and Pippa think this thread is or has become egregious that is their opinion but others will disagree.

Sorry, cross posted with others there.

I am also off to do something more interesting with my day.

No, it’s not carpet bombing , but I couldn’t think of a better metaphor off the top of my head.

It’s good that you feel better, but I’m not sure that everyone reading will feel the same. Yes we can all read, but I sometimes wonder whether I’m reading the same threads as others when I see ones like this .

Doodledog I can only speak for myself and though I think have been some benefits to this thread, other agendas seem to have crept in and I'm tending towards your thinking that it's actually going to do more harm than good.

I'm pretty robust, but if there are sneaky shenanigans going on and grown women feel they can't speak openly I'm starting to think GN needs to go into the 'too difficult/too much hassle' box for me. Quite sad really, there are some good things getting very outweighed by the bad.

Doodledog Fri 19-Mar-21 09:45:19

I think that was the intention Doodledog. Covid and lockdown are bad enough but there has to be something better than a spate of nasty posts on GN. I don't think these threads do anyone any good. If you are someone who is feeling better ask yourself why.

Off to clean, shop, chat and sew in peaceful surroundings for today I think.

Doodledog

suzy I get that, and said so in my ‘downer’ post, but that’s like saying that someone had to carpet bomb because they didn’t have targeted missiles.

In either case, dealing with issues as they arise is far better than letting them build up then applying an approach which catches others in the crossfire.

This thread may have made some posters feel better, but it may also have made others feel worse.

I wasn’t contradicting just reiterating. As for the thread making some people feel worse, I think some of us were trying to see how we could reduce some of the issues that arise on other threads that upset people. And of course I’m not going to name any culprits - for one thing , we can all read.
If anyone does feel worse because of this thread, then I’m sorry but would still defend its existence.
It’s hardly carpet bombing is it ? What is with shooting and bombing on this thread? Scary ?

I have just caught up with the posts on this thread, I have never sent any PM's. I send very few, and only if I think someone has made a good point.
With PM's I have recieved alot of support from kind posters, this happened when I was at a low point.
I have to say I am enjoying the sense of humour coming through on this thread as well.

Nanna8 thank goodness you explained about the carrots before I asked an Aussie friend what it meant. ???

suzy I get that, and said so in my ‘downer’ post, but that’s like saying that someone had to carpet bomb because they didn’t have targeted missiles.

In either case, dealing with issues as they arise is far better than letting them build up then applying an approach which catches others in the crossfire.

This thread may have made some posters feel better, but it may also have made others feel worse.

Oh am I not allowed my alternative fact for the meaning of the saying.

Why are people with strong viewpoints and the facts to back them up considered as stuck up and opinionated?!"?"?

I've not expressed a single strong opinion on the knitting threads and I'm on the Terror thread looking for answers. But get me going on the Conservative party or vaccine hesitancy and you'll see the facts come thick and fast..

nanna8 I am so going to steal that saying! ??? In the meantime I will try not to smuggle veg anywhere untoward!

Urmstongran

I think Nanna8 it’s like I said upthread, posting on here isn’t quite the same as chatting away with friends. That’s free and easy. Body language and laughter helps. Here, not so much.
Emojis help of course but sometimes any nuance is lost.

There’s a balance to strike too between an opinions. with or without evidence? More necessary I think on political discussions, obviously less so on threads about knitting or gardening!

Sensible comment urmy and I agree really . The carrot comment was based on something very common rude Aussies say about stuck up opinionated people having a carrot in a certain part of their anatomy just to be clear !!

Crossed posts - but still, what was the purpose?

In the absence of anything further it would seem that pernicious and calculating is, as pernicious and calculating does.

What was the purpose of your post PippaZ?

NellG

That was a bit of a depth charge PippaZ - it sounds like you suspect something deeply untoward is going on.

I think "deep" would be pushing it NellG. I don't see a lot of signs of deep thinking on this thread just people being rather nasty about other unnamed people on other threads.

suziewoozie

Lucca

suziewoozie

nanna should you really be inciting violence amongst a group of grannies? Think of the grandchildren ????

...

Brilliant - where on earth did you find that ?

Google ...where else !! Googling carrot guns is a displacement activity as I should be doing some housework....although why?