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thinkpink

I have 'cookie bite' hearing loss in both ears and I'm sure my mid range hearing loss is getting even worse as I'm getting older. I wondered how you dealt with the frustrations and embarrassment of having to ask people repeat themselves?

I understand your frustration and embarrassment. At first, when I lost my hearing I used to 'pretend' I could hear and hoped my 'yes' or 'no' responses slotted in between were correct! Clearly, that was not an acceptable way to live. In my experience, there is only one course of action, and that is to say, "I'm sorry, I am deaf/I don't hear very well, could you repeat that please". It is not unacceptable to tell them that you feel embarrassed, I used to – they should endeavour to dispel that feeling straight away. Be strong and be brave, and you will find people are much more co-operative and understanding than you may imagine if they know your circumstances.

Remember you are not alone; many of us understand and share this challenge with you. Do please interact with other hard of hearing people and associations. The HearPeers Mentor Programme offers valuable information and support on life with a hearing implant. Connect to a Mentor to ask questions of someone who has been through the process first-hand, without the jargon.

glennamy

What's the easiest (kindest) way to break it to someone that would take offence that they need their hearing tested?

Every one of us is reluctant at first to admit something is beginning to go – and there is no easy way around this question I'm afraid. The best way forward is to be upfront and tell them in a kind, sensitive manner that you have found they are not hearing you as well as they used to, and suggest they have their hearing tested. You never know, they may be feeling frightened and show reluctance to address it themselves, and be glad that you have raised the subject. Before you do, it may be helpful to know that we acknowledge there are stages of grief associated with hearing loss: denial, anger, depression and finally, which can take some time, acceptance. On a practical level, is it possible for you to go with them and have your hearing tested too? Don't be the only voice that speaks up, is there anyone else who could help in raising the issue? And please do not hesitate to call your local healthcare professional or ask at your doctor's surgery for advice, support and help. I hope you can make progress and wish you well.

freefan

Hi Patricia,

I also suffer from Meniere's and also Migraneous Vertigo along with Fibromyalgia and despite having my hearing checked and being told it is ok, I really struggle to hear people especially in a crowded environment and find myself nodding or shaking my head according to facial expressions while not hearing them. What would you advise me to do?

I am very sorry to hear that no-one has picked up on your problem to date. This is a situation that must be addressed. I urge you please to persist, don't take no for an answer, go back to your doctor and get referred to a consultant/audiologist so that they can offer you practical help to better manage your hearing. If you still feel you are not being listened to, ask for a second opinion. Do you have anyone who could attend appointments with you to also state your case? I hope you get the help and support that you need.

MamaCaz

DH eventually agreed to hearing aids, but says that he doesn't hear any better with them, so doesn't use them. He can hear some people ok but struggles with others. I am one of those who he struggles with. Do you have any tips on how I can speak in a way that might help him to understand? I hope so, because although neither of us has voiced it, I think that we are both feeling quite lonely in our relationship now!

Deafness can cause significant loneliness for both partners, and I really sense from your question you don't like this or want it to get worse of course. I would urge you to be brave as clearly patience on your part is going to be a huge factor.

I understand and sympathise that to date you have not 'talked' about the situation you find yourself in. Hearing loss is obviously a particularly difficult subject to discuss by its very nature. Strange though it may seem there are many people who have hearing aids and don't wear them – the modern ones are much lighter, but they can feel 'clumsy' in your ear.

I know only one person who has the perfect pitch that I can hear without my audio processor so it is quite important to establish this if you can. The high registers and the low registers are often (not always) the ones that go first, leaving us with the mid-range registers. Can you assess the pitch of the people he can hear? Are they men who tend to be low register or women who tend to be high register? It may sound unacceptable or strange to you, but can you change the pitch of your voice a little when speaking to him to adapt to the sounds he hears the best?

Don't complain if he can't hear you, just repeat until he does. Regarding volume, speak clearly, too soft obviously is not helpful but you don't have to shout, too loud can be as difficult. If he has a good or bad ear, then sit by his good ear; particularly when you are with other people. You may have to act as a 'go-between' and repeat things to him that other people have said when he has not heard them.

Please encourage him to revisit audiologists and persist in checking his hearing. There has been so much progress in the field of hearing solutions that there may well be a different option that would help him more. Depending on his type of hearing loss he may be a candidate for an implant, so don't be afraid to ask questions.

Additionally, although you may not feel ready for this course of action as yet, I cannot over-emphasise the support and comfort you receive by interacting with other deaf/hard of hearing people, for yourself as much as DH. Please see is there if an appropriate HearPeers Mentor to connect with: www.hearpeers.uk/mentors/. Take courage and I wish you well.

angiehoggett

how can I discreetly ask people to face me so I can read their lips, I find this much easier than struggling to hear them as my hearing is getting worse.

The most practical way of dealing with this is sad to say, not necessarily discreet. This is not easy, but I am afraid there is only one answer and that is to learn to be honest about your hearing difficulty and ask people to face you so that you can read their lips. Tell them how much you would appreciate that, as it helps you. Be strong and be brave, and you will find people are much more co-operative and understanding than you may imagine if they know your circumstances – it is when people with whom you communicate don't understand you have a hearing difficulty that the problem worsens, which may cause difficulty/embarrassment. If you feel your hearing is deteriorating, please don't be afraid to request a hearing test, and talk to an audiologist – it may be that there are practical options available to help you. Always remember you are not alone, I wish you well.

cookiemonster66

Hearing loss can be very isolating, I find people get impatient with me, or give up trying to include me in conversations. I appreciate it must be very frustrating for them, its frustrating for me too! How do you deal with the social aspects of hearing loss? Thanks

This is a very difficult question, which I empathise with entirely as hard of hearing/deafness does indeed lead to serious loneliness and isolation. I am an avid campaigner for sensitivity and understanding for the deaf. Sadly most people do lose their patience very quickly with the hard of hearing/deaf and can almost make us feel we are stupid at worst because it's an 'invisible' disability. Interaction with other hard of hearing/deaf people is also hugely valuable and comforting. So please do persevere, and perhaps ask for counselling if you feel it would help to talk to someone about it. Connecting with a HearPeers Mentor: www.hearpeers.uk/mentors/ may be useful to you.
If you simply tell people "I am hard of hearing, (I don't hear very well/I am deaf according to your preference), please help me by speaking clearly", they should co-operate, I would hope. At one time I actually had a card pinned to my coat, which said: "I am deaf please have patience", but am the first to admit that was somewhat extreme! Be strong and be brave and you will find people are much more co-operative and understanding than you may imagine if they know your circumstances. It is when people with whom you communicate don't understand you have a hearing difficulty that the problem worsens, which may cause difficulty/embarrassment. I wish you well.

rocketriffs

I'm a musician and I would say my hearing has deteriorated over the years. I am missing certain frequencies in my hearing. Would a hearing aid enable me to regain those frequencies or would it just amplify the ones I have left.

I sympathise with you greatly in these circumstances. Your question is indeed most pertinent when music is your profession. I would urge you to have a hearing test and discuss the various hearing solutions that may be suitable with a healthcare professional. The HearPeers website has further information on hearing solutions, including hearing aids: www.hearpeers.uk/hearing-solutions/.

Also, please do visit www.hearpeers.uk/mentors/ruth. Ruth is a musician and HearPeers Mentor who was born deaf and has played the clarinet for 20 years. She is learning to sing and play the piano as well. I wish you well and hope you can have many more years in your profession.