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I have really upset my granddaughter

(53 Posts)
ExD Thu 03-Jun-21 21:23:22

This sounds trivial, but it isn't to me.
We went to a family wedding - (just 30 of us) and I left my phone at home, so I copied and pasted some photos my granddaughter had taken without asking her.
She is furious with me (and I don't blame her) because I sent some of them to a friend via facebook messenger but somehow they have showed up in the public domain on Facebook.
Don;t ask me HOW, because I thought everything in Messenger was private.
I have had a very nasty message from her (granddaughter) which has really upset me and I feel really sneaky for sharing her photos with a friend.
Please can someone advise me on how to take them down? I'm afraid to delete them in case I delete them from my Granddaughter's page as well, but I can't find a way of 'unsending' the things.

Doodledog Thu 03-Jun-21 21:29:07

It's difficult to advise without knowing exactly what's happened. Has your friend posted them, or have they appeared on your wall? There is always an option to delete your own photos on Facebook, so I'm not sure what the problem is.

If it's the latter, you should be able to go into your Activity Log and delete them from there if you can't do it from the photos themselves.

BlueBelle Thu 03-Jun-21 21:42:10

Messenger is private what you put in there does not show up on your timeline
I don’t know what you mean by ‘they turned up on a public domain’ Do you mean ‘your timeline’ or your friends time line
Did you copy them off your granddaughters time line ?
When I forget my phone or don’t take any photos I just ask whoever has taken them to airdrop them over to me

Mattsmum2 Thu 03-Jun-21 22:06:21

What were the pictures of to make her so angry? You’ve both been to the same wedding, surely you would have taken similar photos had you had your phone with you? And posted them?

ExD Thu 03-Jun-21 22:22:57

I'd got someone's name wrong, but it was because I'd used her photos without her permission that so seems to have made her so furious.
It really was a horrible message she sent me, I won't reproduce it here though, and I know I'mm silly to have taken it so much to heart. Our relationship was a bit strained anyway (I forgot one of the children's birthday) and now it's in shreds.
Yes, I do realise I'm making a mountain from a molehill.
But WHERE is my Wall, and where is my Activity Log so I can have a 'go' at editing out my posts?

Callistemon Thu 03-Jun-21 23:09:16

Did your friend copy them from Messenger on to Facebook which may not have such high privacy settings?

Can you ask your friend if she did that and could she please delete them asap as your GD is upset.

If they somehow got on to your FB page you should be able to delete them yourself quite easily.

All you can do is apologise.

Callistemon Thu 03-Jun-21 23:09:50

on to Facebook
On to her FB page

Callistemon Thu 03-Jun-21 23:14:47

I'd used her photos without her permission that so seems to have made her so furious.
Is she a professional photographer?
Were they signed or water marked?

Doodledog Thu 03-Jun-21 23:15:51

It is not good etiquette to put photos of other people on Facebook without their permission, and that is particularly true of things like weddings and babies. People want to release those things to others in their own way, and maybe make sure that they can decide who sees things first.

I can understand her being upset, but not how they got on FB in the first place, or why they are proving difficult to take down.

Your wall is the bit where your posts go. If you click on your name at the top right, you will go straight there. The photos will be there if you posted them, and there will be three little dots next to them. If you click on these you can edit or delete the post.

If, however, your friend has posted them you won't be able to delete them.

Doodledog Thu 03-Jun-21 23:18:24

Take it a step at a time.

If you get stuck, post again and I'll try to help. It should be easy enough to put right, then you can apologise to your grand-daughter. She is probably worked up too, after a stressful day. By tomorrow it will all seem less of an issue.

Hithere Thu 03-Jun-21 23:33:06

There is a link that FB has to take pics down, let's see if I can find it

Hithere Thu 03-Jun-21 23:35:08

Lolo81 Fri 04-Jun-21 00:16:35

I’d just go on and delete them OP. You can’t delete photos from someone else’s wall on FB, so if it lets you delete them then you’re deleting them from your own page.

What sort of device are you using? Is it the Facebook app or are you on a laptop/computer?

For the app - Go on to your own profile page (so click on your own name and it should take you to the bit with your profile picture) and directly above where it says “what’s on your mind” you should see photos as an option to click on - you can delete from there.

NotSpaghetti Fri 04-Jun-21 00:20:17

I'd have been really cross too - but I'm pleased you are trying to take them down/delete them.
Good luck.

welbeck Fri 04-Jun-21 01:41:57

well, i don't understand all this as i only have a basic mobile, and never take pictures or use facebook.
it all sounds a minefield to me; doubt i could safely pick my way through it.
so i sympathise OP.
is the issue that you passed her photos to your friend, who then made them public ?
hope you can recall them somehow.
but unless there was something revealing/private in the photos, unlikely at a wedding, it seems a bit harsh of her to bawl you out.
all you can do is apologise. are you in touch with her parents.

Blossoming Fri 04-Jun-21 01:57:18

I don’t want to make you feel worse but she may be upset because you shared them publicly, so anyone can see them. When I post photos I only share them with family and friends. Some people don’t like family photos, especially ones of children, to be visible to anybody. I can understand why she is upset but she shouldn’t have blown up at you. She could have helped you remove them. If you can let us know what you’re using to access Facebook (phone, iPad, etc.) I’m sure someone here can help you.

BlueBelle Fri 04-Jun-21 04:28:39

First of all messenger IS private if you sent the photos from you to your friend in messenger they CANNOT get on to your ‘timeline’ ‘wall’ or ‘activity log’ (these are just names for your own activity page) imagine a wall in your house that you put photos and little quotes or explanations on that’s all it is

Either you or your friend inadvertently posted them on a wall

You can easily delete a photo or a post
1 ….look above the photo in the right top corner and you will see three dots
2 ….click on them and you will get a few instructions one of the instructions will be delete
3 ….click on that and it will go
It WONT affect your granddaughters photos just take it off your wall
Tell your granddaughter you are really sorry you didn’t know Facebook etiquette and were just a bit over excited from the wedding
(I am surprised as you are so limited on technical knowledge that you managed to copy and paste from your granddaughters wall)

midgey Fri 04-Jun-21 08:35:12

I think the real problem is that you used/touched her phone without her permission. Phones for teenagers are as private as diaries were once to our generation. All you can do is grovel and apologise. I know my granddaughter won’t let anyone touch her phone.

emmasnan Fri 04-Jun-21 08:44:44

Did you use her phone to copy and paste them or did she send some to you? Though you still should have asked before sending to someone else.

timetogo2016 Fri 04-Jun-21 08:54:13

You should have asked her first tbh.
Hope she isn`t gouing to hold it against you.
Another reason i refuse to go on FB, nothing ever good comes out of it from what i am told.
Stick to Gransnet,you can`t go wrong.

crazyH Fri 04-Jun-21 08:57:11

I didn’t realise you can copy and paste from someone else’s FB page. The only way you copy it, is by taking a screen shot of it and then reposting it or forwarding it. Well that’s what I thought. This is going over my head

ExD Fri 04-Jun-21 09:23:31

I was using a laptop when iit happened.
it's an old one, and the curser jumps around the page. I've taken it to be repaired and been told it was a problem with the early Levono models.
This is Samsung tablet and is about a year old. They both use Windows.

I found the Activity Log (I don't think I can find it again) and deleted the photos, I just pray it was only my posts I deleted and not her originals or I don't think I shall ever see my granddaughter or her children ever again (fortunately I knew better than to post pics of the babies).
I am not going to contact grand daughter again and risk stirring things up, hopefully she'll have calmed down this morning. I've already apologised and grovelled!

Thank you all for your help, and refraining from being critical and censoring - especially Doodledog and Bluebell.
Lesson learned.
ps I didn't actually touch her phone physically BTW - just copied her pics (on my laptop I R click the pic and get a window which gives an option to copy). I never ever used her phone.

Shandy57 Fri 04-Jun-21 09:45:26

Sorry this has happened. I was on holiday with some people and one of them posted photos to Facebook, the other people asked her to take them down. You could ask your grandaughter to help you with Facebook next time she comes round, and make notes when she shows you so you can refer to them and do things with confidence.

My aunt is 83 and hates tech, but joined Facebook. Even though I've told her, she still doesn't realise her comments are world public when she writes on someone's page - unfortunately I'm too far away to help her. My daughter's boyfriend produced a film, Roy, about a lonely man phoning people at random from the phone book, it was chosen for the Santa Fe film fest - my aunt commented that she felt the same as him, just waiting for the phone to ring. My daughter messaged me to say she knew I phoned her all the time! smile

Madgran77 Fri 04-Jun-21 13:19:29

ps I didn't actually touch her phone physically BTW - just copied her pics (on my laptop I R click the pic and get a window which gives an option to copy). I never ever used her phone

I don't understand hop pics on her phone were on your laptop unless she had sent them to you? Or does her phone sync with your laptop?

Blossoming Fri 04-Jun-21 13:41:21

So glad you’ve sorted it ExD. You won’t have deleted anything on her own page, only she can do that, so one less worry. You can’t have deleted the originals as they’ll be on her phone.

Madgran77 if the photos were on her granddaughter’s FB page it’s very easy to right click and save to a laptop.