Gransnet forums


Widowed, christmas and comfort zones

(74 Posts)
craftyone Mon 17-Jun-19 18:42:02

This year will be the 4th christmas since I was widowed. I am not enjoying the long and tedious christmas break these days. The children do their bit and rotate to take me in but I feel ready now to spread my wings and to go on holiday at christmas. I want to give my AC space to do what they want and I certainly don`t want to be a burden. I have never been a confident traveller, only had one holiday since widowed, a saga cruise, which cost me an arm and a leg

I know I will be out of my comfort zone and am ready to take that leap but don`t know where to start. Any advice is welcome.

Millie22 Tue 18-Jun-19 16:41:24

It does seem early to think about Christmas but not when you need to book a holiday or trip. Sometimes we need to step back and think of our own happiness as there are always family demands especially during the festive season. I hope you find something you will enjoy.

MawBroonsback Tue 18-Jun-19 17:50:05

To get a good seat on a coach - book early. So MawBroonsback people need to discuss this now

Why am I being singled out for this wrist slapping?
(Not that I am paranoid or anything.....)

craftyone Tue 18-Jun-19 18:07:21

ooh thank you for your support, you have given me some amazing tips and links and positivity. I am going to write things down this evening and find myself a coach trip

Peonyrose Tue 18-Jun-19 18:28:15

Craft tone, I did the same as you with Saga, had most dreadful stomach bug, what a miserable waste of thousands of pounds. Never again. I was widowed youngish,,my friends still have their husbands. I have had to write off Christmas, dont worry about it any more. Hated being with couples and some of the single travellers were either much older than me if thirty somethings, made me feel wires. Now I take myself on a cruise before Christmas then a week away in January. Feel little bit guilty as should do end the cash on the house. The cruise I do has single meetings and get togethers, however there is so much to do, I rarely go to the meetings. I just watch what I want on the telly and eat what I like.

Overthehills Tue 18-Jun-19 18:56:05

My friend felt like you Crafty so she chose a holiday where everything was organised for her. She was picked up from and dropped off at her home and everything was organised during the holiday but obviously with free time as well. It gave her confidence to go on less organised breaks and she enjoyed every minute. Her advice - just do it!

sharon103 Tue 18-Jun-19 20:54:28

lol Maw

MawBroonsback Tue 18-Jun-19 21:26:00

You’ve got a lovely new house, craftyone presumably with a lovely new kitchen.
Why don’t you host Christmas for the AC and DGCs?
It’s one solution.
Last year , my second without DH, I had DD1, her husband and 3 children on Christmas Day and were joined by the other 2 DDs plus husbands and one DGS, 2 sisters in law, one adult nephew, DD2’s parents in law and a dog on Boxing Day .
(I feel I should be adding”and a partridge in a pear tree”)
Most left on Boxing Day evening as they had long drives ahead ((Birmingham and Kent) but DD2 and family plus in laws stayed another day and we enjoyed a healthy walk before tucking into the leftovers.

Freespirit2015 Tue 18-Jun-19 21:37:44

I've gone abroad every Christmas since I separated in 2015 and have also enjoyed holidays which amalgamate the Christmas and New Year period. I have provided a link to Just You Festive holidays for 2019/20 one of which I booked a few months ago and am looking forward to enormously. Just bite the bullet and go for it. You won't regret it and you can tell the family all about it afterwards.

BlueSapphire Tue 18-Jun-19 23:16:35

Just to redress the balance re Saga cruises, I have been on three and cannot speak too highly of them. Well looked after, friendly crew who remember you from year to year, lovely cabins, and amazing food. Small ships with not thousands of passengers, feeling at home as soon as you board. The emphasis on health is high with particular regard to tummy bugs. Yes they are expensive, but well worth the money. In fact I am joining a Saga cruise tomorrow; this will be the first ocean cruise on my own since losing DH last year, so I am expecting things to be different. Sorry that you were not happy with them craftyone, but others have suggested many different options, and I hope you find something that suits you. By the way, my sister goes away with Lochs and Glens coach company every Christmas and absolutely loves it.

My Christmas this year will be spent with DS and family; we take it in turns to host, one year me, the next DD, and then DS; it seems to work for us, but it is perfectly ok if one wants something different. We all just go with the flow.

EMMF1948 Wed 19-Jun-19 14:17:19

We once did a coach trip to Germany over Christmas, about 5 days, it was wonderful, I think it was with Travelsphere.

Daisyboots Wed 19-Jun-19 14:44:43

When people mention Saga cruises I always have a little smile. When we moved abroad my lovely Mum moved with us. Whenever we went back to England we seemed to fly on a Friday from Porto. This flight was also used by Saga cruise and coach holidaymakers . As Mum was disabled we were priority boarding and then the Saga holidaymakers would arrive on board really jostling everyone to get to their seats. "Here come the Saga louts" Mum would say. Totally different when they got to Gatwick though. Many stayed seated as they had booked assistance there rather than walk all the way to the exit. Now it's me needing assistance but I do need it both ends.
As my son says I need something to look forward to for when I finish my treatment thank you for the information about great holidays to New Zealand. That has always been in my bucket list and would give DH and I something to plan for.

EmilyHarburn Thu 20-Jun-19 11:03:47

Or you could go to a Blackpool or St annes hotel for Christmas and New year or just Christmas

mosaicwarts Thu 20-Jun-19 12:50:22

I like that, Saga louts!

silverlining48 Thu 20-Jun-19 16:40:49

Rhymes with lager louts...

Jani31 Thu 20-Jun-19 20:47:09

I use Just You with 12 trips under my belt since 2010. Not done any Christmas or New Year trips, have read loads of great reports though. Everyone raves about the trips as they are with like minded people x

jeanie99 Fri 21-Jun-19 07:13:20

If you aren't a confident traveler I would go for something organized perhaps with a solo group this might he better than with couples.
Don't be put off by someone complaining about a Christmas holiday question there are lots of people on here who will support your question whatever time of year you are asking about.
Best of luck

jeanie99 Fri 21-Jun-19 07:15:38

Do make sure you ask about the target age group with any company you are thinking of traveling with, you'll not want to be with the 18 - 30 year olds I suspect.

craftyone Sun 23-Jun-19 20:37:13

blue saphire, the cruise ship and company were fine, so was the food and care. I got cabin fever as well as nausea from the awful bouncing in the waves, so bad that most were confined to cabin, however I am not going to spend over £5000 again on a 10 day holiday in a floating hotel with a weeny little gym that only me and the captain used

I have been doing some homework and speaking to locals I came across in the market town centre. I saw a coach stop today and take holiday makers on board. I have researched pick up points and am joyous to find that the coach company pick up just 10 minutes walk from where I live. I can see me booking last minute this summer, uk for 4-5 days to start with. There is also a theatre coach does pick ups 5 minutes walk away. Watch this space, need to get the house in order first

mosaicwarts Sun 23-Jun-19 22:07:10

That's fantastic Craftyone! Where will you go first? I looked at the Just You holidays I recommended to you, meaning to go to Bournemouth - bit off putting where it says 'make your way to Bournemouth'. Mmm, it's about 340 miles as the crow flies. Saw it on tv today, Coast and Country, don't like the look of it at all, there were more than two people on the beach! I'm so used to the solitude here and I love/hate it at the same time.

I remember going to Jersey on a boat with Steve and my stone faced MIL - we were in a Force 12. I was pregnant (didn't know till we got back) and didn't feel at all seasick, but everyone else was absolutely green. My MIL took to her bed, and nearly set the sheets on fire with the static from her cheap nylon nightie, she was sliding up and down the bunk like a see saw!

Not sure what to do with myself tonight, having panic attacks when I go to bed. Have to get a grip! smile

craftyone Mon 24-Jun-19 06:09:44

what you said mosaics, about having to get to Bournemoth first, travelling long distances in the car is something I will not do. The massive increase in traffic and aggressive driving has put me right off. I will drive in my corner of the uk but that is as far as it goes. I will always be arranging home pickup unless it is a trip that leaves from close by. I must find out taxi cost to 17 miles away, from where day trips leave, that would be x2 in order to get home, U3A is also a possibility re day trips, must get that form filled in and join

Little steps for me before I commit for christmas. One year I did the family gathering a few days before, so the families could enjoy christmas free from catering stress. I had ordered a spinning wheel kit and spent the whole two weeks with a project, ending up with a beautiful spinning wheel that spins like a dream

mosaicwarts Tue 25-Jun-19 00:13:45

I think when I choose where to live I'll see if there are trips easily accessible, I can't drive far at all. I used to be able to years ago, I remember a mammoth drive to a dreadful caravan site with the kids in Carlisle, nearly finished me off seeing angry red lorry driver faces in my mirror! I still need to explore Scotland, Steve was married before and had his honeymoon there so we never went. I have to pay £120 return for a taxi to Newcastle airport which is 35 miles away - with kennel fees and the cat sitter on top, it all adds up.

I'm so bored with Christmas I can't think about it yet. I really can't complain only catering for my son and daughter but everything seems to be such an effort nowadays.

The local coffee centre owner used to have a spinning wheel - and several ladies at the local 'Woolfest' bring theirs with them. No little magical men in sight!

crazyH Tue 25-Jun-19 00:33:13 certainly made me I can't sleep 😂

crazyH Tue 25-Jun-19 00:35:53

Mosaic, you too - your Mil 's cheap nylon nightie made me laugh 😂