Travelling alone and independently

My husband died 15 years ago when I was 54. Since then I usually holiday with my DD and family or my Sis in law . I did once however go on a solo holiday to Turkey.
I really enjoyed it because I love being on my own and dislike having to make conversation . Other than the bartender I only had one short conversation with a German man in the whole ten days . Bliss !

This is not about me, but about my Mum. Years ago when DH and I decided to get married, we figured that as we'd been living together for several years, it wasn't such a big deal, we just wanted to commit to each other, so decided to get married in Sri Lanka. When we told our Mothers, they both said that they wanted to come, but I'm ashamed to say that we talked them out of it, as they were both elderly - my Mum 81 and his 76, and we thought it would be too hot out there for them. However, when we got back, I was greeted by my Mum telling me she was off on holiday ....... to Australia, on her own!! I figured that was a case of her putting 2 fingers up to me and telling me 'I'm not too old to travel young lady', lol. So proud of her, and miss her dreadfully. I also desperately wish that we'd encouraged them to come to Sri Lanka with us, but thought at the time we were doing the best thing, and there were guests at other weddings who did pass out due to the heat, so we weren't necessarily wrong, just a bit clumsy I guess.

I took the train from Derby to London for the Sleeper train in a comfy bed to Scotland and just got buses to wherever I fancied for 2 weeks. Just took a backpack and comfy shoes. ?

I was really interested in reading this thread today, thank you.
Sadly, my DH died 3 months ago following a cancer diagnosis 3 weeks earlier. I'm still trying to come to terms with this.
We were married 37 years and regularly holidayed in Europe. I have no family and wish to continue travelling in Europe but I would like to hear how other widows come to terms with eating on their own in the evening.
Eating out in the evening was a very enjoyable part of the day for my husband and I.

I really admire you brave independent ladies! I took a “gap term” about 10 years ago and travelled alone all around NZ and Australia mostly staying in youth hostels. It was such an incredible adventure!
But the most amazing travelling I have done independently was to run watercolour classes on cruise ships. I did it for 10 years and travelled all over the world as well as doing a part time teaching job at home. Having a role to play onboard ensured I was never lonely and I always had plenty of dining companions..Wherever the ship berthed I would often go off on my own. Occasionally I took a companion but mostly I loved being alone in my cabin!
Such incredible memories……

I travelled alone as a widow, and even went to Kenya by myself. I too hated the "single Supplement" and would rant about it whenever the opportunity arose! Generally, I did get a better room after complaining.
I do think it's more pleasurable though, to have someone to travel with.
Like some other posters, I now no longer travel, due to health issues.
For those ladies who have never tried it - please do! Start in your home country, where everything is familiar, and take it from there. Do it while you still can, would be my advice.

I wish I was like you ladies, but I don't think I could do it. All my girlfriends go with their partners now they have retired, it's hard even to get a coffee catch up nowadays never mind them going away for a few days. I wish I was brave enough to go alone, but I know I never will.

Both my daughters are seasoned, lone travellers to destinations near and far. They only ever met with kindness from the strangers they encountered.

Wow - you ladies are so inspiring. I used to be very adventurous when I was young and once took myself off to a Greek island for six weeks. Nowadays I think I would find it too daunting being alone. You have all given me food for though though and never too old to try.

what a great lot of information I can see above , will be adding these good ideas to my list. If you have ever watched Waiting for God with stephanie cole she has used a lot of my ideas!! I have travelled alone and also with responsibility for kids all over from the age of 16. I am an eldest so used to sorting things out and working out how to go or do things. Before internet I used to get books out about areas, find out what was worth seeing, eating or whatever in a place, always learned enough basic language for please thanks where is hospital etc etc but rarely needed them. Always checked up on courtesy customs - so code of dress to enter temple etc , do you shake hands with a man if you are a woman etc etc. I was engaged at 19 and my fiance worked for a swedish company. I organised to take my 9 year old brother with me by train from London to dusseldorf to meet up there with him to go camping in austria. A wonderful train journey , never forgotten and my brothers first trip abroad. Loved it but on arrival at dusseldorf there had been a problem and we had to drive back to paris instead of going to austria. the firm needed him to do this so were happy to pay for our hotels etc. we got back to paris and most of the firms people there were vietnamese and we were treated to lovely food in their homes. then the car got broken into and we had to speak to the gendarme . My brother of course lapped it all up and couldnt wait to travel again. I have gone camping in a minivan all across europe , was in roumania in the caecescu days. went to yugoslavia when you had to have a visa, absolutly loved istanbul. worked for an airline so I could get cheap travel been to iceland thailand and most of europe. Lived in Damascus with a 2 year old, and back here we bought a very old yacht which gave us freedom to travel all round the hebrides and ireland and isle of man france etc. always interesting people to meet in wild places - not into marinas - we once had 3 weeks in hebrides and spent £8 infuel - and that was only because certain ports insisted you had the engine on. So I also object to crummy rooms at expensive charges. Before covid I rejoined yha and was quite happy going in a 4 o6 bed dormitary place. With my bad back I wake very early so can get up quietly shower pack and be on the road before half of the people are even up. always have in my car a box with melamine plates, dishes and china mugs and cafetier and childs lunch box containing decent cutlery bottle opener sharp knife etc. Much cheaper to buy take away chinese and sit up on the wolds looking at the stars eating my meal or get fish and chips etc. Organised a good trip; again it is about being clear what you are suggesting. so a neighbour who lived alone younger than I , was saying she would like to go to Barcelona but going alone etc. I suggested that we book a twin room together but that we were just commited to travelling there and back together and would totally do our own thing and not try and persuade the other to do things they did not want to do. Went swimmingly , we did our own thing had a couple of coffees together and one meal, told each other of good bargain places we had found to eat in or whatever. really worked out well. My husband was only interested in sailing so I used to go alone especially to italy in about february to see art galleries etc and loved it. dressed quite smartly , arms covered and with headscarf, for churches . Had good flat shoes, a rucksack which I could put all requirements for the day in and would be the first in the queue as galleries or whatever opened up. would get at least half an hour to myself before it filled up in any way. do as the italians do and stand to drink a coffee - , cheaper - buy stuff from grocers and then get bus tickets by the 10 - dont know if they still do that but was the cheapest way to travel, then get on a bus to known or unknown destination with picnic. great. I am quite chatty and was happy to meet people , If I wanted to be left alone had walkman in those days and put the plugs in my ears but no sound on but works well. I do not expect extra consideration but I am an equal person to anyone else there and walk as though I will be treated well and usually am . Having been a teacher I find the teachers look - long stare dont blink, if you dont like what is being said or done - works quite well they usually back off before I do . Now a white haired older woman in some countries I find I am given more respect and treated politely. but as I say I expect good manners and behaviour and that goes for me too and learning polite terms of address and common courtesies is very worthwhile. If I cannot read the menu etc I have actually pointed at a meal someone is eating, given thumbs up sign and often get a smile back or the waiter has taken my arm and taken me into the kitchen to see what is being made. Eat local food, it is going to be better cooked and cheaper than asking for eggs and bacon!! Give it a go. I am now 76, have cancer and some other things and so mobility and lack of cash means I dont think I will ever now get to Macchu Piccu or Ulan Bator, but there is still things to do. Having had to leave my house and move has been very depressing and with the health issues and covid I have been shielding and life has been tough and lonely. But I aint done yet!! Today would have been my wedding anniversary and I miss him very much. He was a lovely man and we were very happy together , so today I am determined to celebrate our time together and have invited a friend to lunch at a pub nearby. I have been having to go to hospital every day for intraveneous antibiotic injections and have been in a lot of pain. well cannulas removed, had my shower and am free again, so my act of defiance is that now I have been out to buy the Yellow book NGS gardens to visit for england and wales. wonderful gardens all over that you can visit and enjoy. so the cost of fuel is going to be an issue but this is going to be my time so I will be planning gardens to visit and offering people the chance to go with me. My son and daughter in law both have covid right now and I have been shielding so much we sadly wont be able to meet up for a bit but as soon as possible we shall . I am now working out a half and half manner to travel. I have a free bus pass but it doesnt start until 9.30 am and that is late for me . so how worked out that I can go by car early towards the coast. Go to a town the coastal bus goes to, leave my car sensibly parked there and get the busat 9.30 there and to struggle up to the top deck and then have a lovely journey on the bus with great views of the sea and the wildlife. wont be able to do much when I get there in walking but no matter will have my binoculars at the ready, a sandwich in my rucksack and the chance of a little fresh air and maybe some sunshine. No car park time to worry about. Return on bus to car and so home. Cuts down on fuel cost bt lets me still get out and about a bit. Sadly dont see myself ever being able to walk as I used to but more ways of skinning a cat as they say (awful expression that isnt it?) I am a singer , belong to choirs and do folk and all sorts so wandering round a new place you can often hear music or find somewhere there is folk stuff going on and can just join in . No instrument , have voice will travel. .I had decided not to renew Nat Trust for various reasons but now fingers crossed my lovely friend is 80 years old and taught german to adults where I taught TEFl . due to covid etc we havent seen each other for a long time. We have managed to find a lodge and with a hot tub (used to love them in iceland) for a week to share at the lower end of the lake district. so I shall drive, we share the cost, there will be chinese meals and take aways and I know much of the district and we shall be able to come and go as we please . Probably the last chance to do something like this given age and health problems but am looking forward to it. Had to struggle getting annual insurance with various hassles but done that now and it is the cheapest way and now if I see something good I can just go for it. Going to the lake district _ used to work for nat trust_ worth having the ticket just for the amount of car parks that are N T and you get your money back. So maybe wont be doing a wainwright and walking round but we shall do what walking we can manage and enjoy the freedom to come and g o as we please. To get back to the lodge in the evening and I plan that we shall sit in the hot tub with a glass of something and catch up on news and views . Bliss after all the very lonely time over the last two years. Yes, still breathing so still making plans, my eyes see the reality but my brain still thinks I am a 26 year old redhead visiting the danube delta. Ah well it might be Windermere or cockermouth this time but still travelling. Happy travelling everyone however you go and dont let the beggars get you down. I had a fall and my back was so bad couldnt get up for 9 hours. Not good news and horrible experience but I absolutly forbid anyone to ring my son about it. Hadnt broken anything and am not going to be seen as poor old woman!!! Told him once I was ok again a slightly edited version. I aint dead yet!!!!

Some years ago, when both my children had moved out, I spent 3 months travelling round Thailand on my own. I did a Thai massage course, a cooking course and many trips. It was bliss - only having to please myself where I went, where I ate, how I spent my time. My husband is a stick in the mud and since his stroke in 2018 we've only had one break, in Portugal. It was a nightmare. He chokes frequently as he's disabled now, and has been left with a dangerous swallow, and can't be left alone, particularly at night. I would love to travel on my own again. But the logistics are impossible. He'd come with me if I dragged him, but what fun is that?

another possibilty occurs to me. I follow Restless which I find very good and lots of interesting lines to follow. we have recently had a thread talking about loneliness, travelling about and meeting people. Of course one problem with these contacts is we are not necessarily anywhere near each other but there are some local groups apparently but havent found anything myself. However as I say Im a bit of an odd mix, I am used to being the organiser of things, but dont want to be tied to specific times etc. If I give my word to be somewhere I hate letting people down but with my health issues I can wake up unable to even walk round the house never mind go to any sort of meeting. However I devised this idea before covid but think now it could come back in again. At that time I lived in Richmond and used to go to Catterick, where there was a leisure centre and a large tesco. At the leisure centre they had twice a week a sports morning for over 50's I think it was. When I was able to I used to go and play badminton. It was very well organised, a social event not hugely competitive, so if my back allowed I would go. We would have 3 courts and play doubles and then swap with the next court etc. so you might be the best player in one set and the worst in the other, didnt matter it got you moving about. Psychologically when you have a lot of pain , you do not move normally, you are tensing and trying to avoid painful moves or reaching out far. Once warmed up, I am quite competitve in games - not really with the others but have to do the best I can for myself. So there I would actually push myself to move more and be looser in moving about which was very good. Then we had a coffee (which was awful and I would just drink water as my coffee is important to me) So would have a short rest and then the swimming pool would be open. They had a hoist to put me in and out of the pool and so I would then swim at whatever rate I felt able to. Then across to Costa for coffee and after a rest there would go and do shopping with the disability scooter in tesco so this made a good day of effort for me. So the people at that costa were very nice to me and there was a specific table and chair which was the least painful for me to sit in. So over time I would go there get coffee ( took my own china mug to drink from!) and then people from the sports or swimming etc knew I went there and people would look in or come in for coffee or something to eat and everyone won. You were not committed specifically but could look in and see if any of the crowd were there and come in and join us for coffee or pop in to say about another thing happening or something on at the cinema or whatever. I would do my shopping on the disability scooter, load it up in the car and if I meet someone there we might say lets go for a coffee. So this was a very loose idea, no commitment but the knowledge that if you wanted some company for whatever reason it was there. we would also find ourselves being a good local info group, so if you needed a plumber , someone would have just had a good or bad one to tell you about etc. So you end up being totally in charge of your involvment but it is good to feel that if it is thursday morning and you feel bad someone will probably be in the coffee shop. I picked costa because hate starbucks but need a company that have a lot of places about so that in this restless group I have just suggested that people might like to try as a starter to meet on a morning that suits so I might say I will be in Guisborough costa at about 11am on thursday. I will have the local paper with me.So what can go wrong? I am in a public place, and my outlay is the journey there and a coffee I would have bought anyway. If one or two people come in buy their coffees and join me , we may just have the simplest conversation and then say cheerio and it is not for us. You might find someone who has similar interests to yourself and you might agree to meet at the swimming pool next week, or visit the local market together or whatever appeals. It may take some time to become part of your life or you may not think it is worthwhile but I do see it as an opportunity to meet other people and the chance of new friendships. If that works well you could also have a chain reaction idea. So you might move, or have a holiday in another area and if they have a coffee morning group you would have a chance to call and meet new people. for me this ticks the boxes. when I feel in a lot of pain and very depressed, I could not possible make any extra effort, it is enough to just plod through the day. But knowing that I could just call in for coffee and meet someone I knew a little would be something I could do. I would not need to tell them how I was feeling but actually making the effort to go out and do something is uplifting and positive and better than just sitting at home doing nothing. So hope I havent gone on too much but this may give some of you a similar idea that might fit in with your lives . To have possibiilties but not commitment seems a very good place to be for me. Hope that it might prove helpful to some of you

Well done Madeline. I travel alone sometimes, always enjoyed myself, but not like you have done. You might be a white haired old lady as you put it but you’re young inside and have done more than others dream of. Keep travelling.

I am not hankering to travel to far flung places. I have enjoyed holidays in Europe, Nth America, UAE, etc.
& as a child I lived in E Africa & travelled by boat through the Suez Canal & then to return to UK all round the Cape via St Helena back to Tilbury. My father was from the Middle East & so have friends and family to visit.. and wars have sent relatives to different parts of the globe so have opportunities to go..I just don't have the inclination.
I have just booked a trip to visit other much loved places from childhood in Yorkshire, Durham & Northumberland. The only overseas place I would like to see is Costa Rica.

2019 I flew to Calgary and rented a car and drove all the way to Vancouver island stopping at Airbnb ,s I’d booked before the solo holiday . It meant a lot of organising before-hand but it was well worth it , I loved every minute and met beautiful, friendly people in the 3 weeks I was there and never, ever felt frightened of travelling alone . Although I did make sure that I was in my different Airbnb,s before it got dark in the evening .

I met a woman in her 80s on a guided tour. She told me she had always travelled alone and independently but had been mugged the previous year. She had since decided to travel with a group and a tour manager because she realised there was value in having support.

I have done 3foreign holidays since my wife died and agree with you about meal times.Can fill my days no problem but it's eat and run in the evening.Have booked a singles holiday in Turkey for May.Hoping for sociable evenings.

Having often mixed with Europeans and Americans at academic conferences and the like I consider that British people travelling in pairs and groups are often very inconsderate to solo travellers. Americans for example will always ask you to join them. Or they will be welcoming when you ask if you can tag along. British people will treat you as though you had the plague, or as if they are worried you will latch onto them for the remainder of the trip.

I worked at University of Nevada for a year back in the 90's and found US culture to be so different in this respect. Its easy to join in but if you say that you need a bit of "me" time then they will respect that. Probably because Americans dont use euphemisms so much as we Brits - they come out and say what they want/mean. I had an amazing glitzy time working in the USA. However working for a university I had no worries about illness or accidents and full medical cover.

If you love to travel do it, life can be short.
I've always said I didn't want to come to the end of my life and wish I had gone somewhere.
How can anyone not want to travel there is a whole world out there with exciting places to visit, people and cultures to explore.
The only place on my bucket list I haven't traveled too is Machu Picchu because it is at high altitude and I have a heart condition.

Any recommendations for travel insurance for us oldies? I am with husband’s NatWest and they added £38 this year, just because I reached 70. Have high blood pressure but controlled by medication. You have to declare it though.
Very inspiring posts BTW.

Wonderfull thread. I have recently lost my bestie, we live in different countries but had planned to enjoy the next stage of our lives with a few meet ups in unexplored places. Sadly this is not to be but this thread is inspiring

I too have done about 7 holidays abroad solo since getting divorced.
But as I've recently retired I can't justify the single supplement cost.
Thought I might find another person to travel with but that is proving more difficult than I thought it would be.
One friend is married so only travels with her husband, two other friends have caring commitments and one doesn't want to commit to a holiday due to rising costs.
Thinking I might put an advert on our town website for a holiday buddy.