What kind of traveller are you?

Fleurpepper

Sorry did not explain, the Epleys manoeuvre is done by a doctor or physio, 'throwing' the patient around in a specific and precise way, to try to re-arrange the cristals in the inner ear which are causing the nausea and vertigo)

You can also do it yourself.. look at the youtube showing how to do it. I had my initial treatment with my GP, not all GP's are trained and then followed ondoing it myself. It worked

I would love a holiday but am trapped by my mother. She won’t pay for care and can’t be left for long. I really wish I had the courage to just pack a bag and disappear. I would love another cruise as it’s so relaxing. I would also like to go abroad but not to just laze, that to me is such a waste of time, I would love to go to local shops, sightseeing etc. There are also so many lovely places in the uk that I would live to visit. I envy everyone going on holiday

Ethelwashere1

I would love a holiday but am trapped by my mother. She won’t pay for care and can’t be left for long. I really wish I had the courage to just pack a bag and disappear. I would love another cruise as it’s so relaxing. I would also like to go abroad but not to just laze, that to me is such a waste of time, I would love to go to local shops, sightseeing etc. There are also so many lovely places in the uk that I would live to visit. I envy everyone going on holiday

Call Social Services and get a Carer's Assessment done. They can arrange a care package so you can get some respite care whilst you are away. You owe it to yourself to have a break and your mother owes it to you because you won't be able to look after her if you get overwhelmed by being stuck. Even a few days in this country will be a shot in the arm for you.

To icanhandthemback. Thank you fir your comment. My mother will just not have anyone in her house. She won’t pay for any help, she will make me feel bad if I left her. Emotional blackmail has many different forms

Ethelwashere1, I know, I've been there and, to an extent, still am. If you have that sort of relationship with a parent where they still hold all the power, it is so difficult to navigate an escape to freedom because it is all you've ever known. I needed help and support to take the little steps to get to the point where I could make bigger ones. The more you practise, the easier it becomes. I keep telling myself that my sister managed to walk away so I should be able to as well.
Take care.

Ethelwashere1- feel desperately sad, and angry, for you. So so difficult- but you must not allow your mother to dictate your life to such an extent. And she can't refuse help and stop you from living your life, even if just for a few days or week.

You truly need to go and see your GP, and ask fro help, advice and support.

You are a victim of cohercive control- and this is just dreadful.

But, at the end of the day, and I truly do NOT want you to think I am criticising you, at all- you are allowing her to do this, and in a way, you are agreeing to being a silent victim.

Don't get angry, don't get bitter- butseek help, and find the courage to say NO- I am here for you 24/7- but I need time for myself too- and a holiday, away. Be it in the UK or elsewhere, or on a cruise.

And DO NOT FEEL GUILTY - YOU are the victim here.

hugs

icanhandthemback - not necessarily a question of 'walking away' as such, but putting boundaries that allow time out, and time on yourself- on a daily, weekly, montly basis- and for regular holidays- even at home, round the corner, in the UK or wherever.

Fleurpepper

icanhandthemback - not necessarily a question of 'walking away' as such, but putting boundaries that allow time out, and time on yourself- on a daily, weekly, montly basis- and for regular holidays- even at home, round the corner, in the UK or wherever.

Yes, I used the wrong expression really. I think I meant walking away from her when I was going through the guilt tripping and brow beating along with walking away for long enough to have a respite break. My sister moved right away so a fortnightly visit is the most she can manage and sometimes not even that as she has a job and health problems of her own. She put down her boundaries a long time ago.
Although Mum is in a home now, I am still "caring" by ensuring she is well looked after and visited daily but I am able to resist her guilt tripping about putting her there as I know it was actually the best thing for her and me. I have learned to say that I too have to have a break because I need to recharge my batteries so I can be there for her the rest of the time. .

Good for you, you so so deserve it. And so does Ethelwasthere.