How do I tell friend I don’t want to travel with her?

My mil always wanted to travel with us .we took her to a house we booked in Italy. She shared a room with the daughters.i got up one night and found them both asleep in the living room.mil snored for England and they couldn’t sleep.the next time she asked to come with us I insisted she pay fora separate room. It was a Nile cruise.she said it would be cheaper if she shared with the daughter ie we would pay. I said no but she was not happy.

I wonder how it all worked out for the OP?
Welcome to GN Tahnee.

Tell her you snore quite loudly.

New member here. I had that problem once too. It's a difficult one but it is your holiday and holidays cost a lot, so spending it with someone you are not keen on is simply not worth it.

Just
Say
No.

or if you need to pad it out
No. That doesn't work for me.

Do not say sorry.
Do not parly.
Stick to your script.
Repeat as necessary.

Pleasebenice - I have been to visit my brother and family in South America - they were there on a work exchange.
You are brave to travel alone or are you on an organised tour?
Regardless, you will enjoy it - such a beautiful country, but scary too. Everyone carries guns ….

MT62

Tell her you have chronic sleep issues, and that on second thoughts you would much rather sleep on your own in your own room.
It’s hard enough sharing a room with a good friend, never mind someone you hardly know.

Exactly. No way would I share a room with anyone but immediate family. I’d tell her I don’t sleep well and am up and down half the night, putting the light on and making cups of tea. (True for me anyway!)

nanna8

Tell her you snore loudly and book a single room!

I do snore loudly and worry so much about it that I hardly sleep and am like a zombie the next day when I have shared a room!
Single room is best.

I don't even share a room with OH! He has snoring issues and needs the loo umpteenth times in the night. I've shared with my daughter a couple of times but she grinds her teeth and I snore a little. I think on our next trip we will have separate rooms.

Friends and I have 1/2 night breaks away and I’ve always insisted on a room each even for that short time! The only person I’ve ever shared a room with is my husband and that has had its challenges on occasion…

a paint fight in my bathroom (Grammaretto)

The mind boggles! 🫟

I don't think that travelling in South America is advisable if this lady has serious health issues .
It's your dream trip and if you have to worry about her - it really could turn into a nightmare .
I have several friends with whom I wouldnt consider going on a weekend away with let alone South America.
If it came to it -I'd have to say no .
Before she makes lots of plans to come with you - nip it in the bud by telling her that it would too much for her .
One of my friends ruined a trip to North Africa .
I had two weeks of her neuroses and dilemmas and I felt frazzled and fed up with her.

If you invent some excuse like "I snore, I keep the light on, I insist on a single room", you're giving her a perfect excuse to respond "Oh great, so do I. Lets both have single rooms".

Just tell her the truth , you're travelling alone because

"This is something I've dreamed/ saved/ planned for years, a solo long-distance trip all by myself with no travel companions. No distractions or demands from anyone at all, nobody to answer to, just me. ".

If she comes back with reasons to take a friend , it would suit her perfectly and could she just....

" I am going alone so that I don't have to negotiate or compromise or explain anything to anybody else."

Thanks all. I think I just needed confirmation to do the right thing for us both.

There are no circumstances under which I would ever share a room with anyone except, perhaps, one of my little grandchildren. I want to sleep without hearing someone else breathing (and worse), and I want to use the bathroom without any other adult around.

Good advice here but I do see your dilemma.
I host travellers through an online platform called Help exchange.
I often have single people and ask them why they choose to go alone.
Often it's because they need to be independent and not compromise on their plans.
Other times it's so they're not tempted to chat in their own language.

Some do come as couples but they are just that, couples. I once hosted 2 German friends who had a big fall out after a paint fight in my bathroom which still has the scars😉

This is a ‘hook on’ to your planned trip, your friend
will be a legiron and you will abandon her in Rio.

friendlygingercat

I would say something like:

This is a trip Ive planned for many years Jane and its very important for me to travel solo. I have my own schedule that I intend to follow and am really not perpared to compromise. This is nothing personal but I really dont want anyone with me. This is my final decision.

I will always recall one disasterous holiday where a friend and I were joined by two of her friends. I was the only one who spoke fluent French and found myself acting as the unpaid tour guide, doing all the organising, translating and so on. While I was off having some "me" time one of the group was foolish enough to leave her bag (with all her money, passpost etc) at a cafe and they expected me to sort everything out for them. Needless to say I left them to their own devices. We all travelled back on the train on separate seats.

I havnt been to South America but have travelled solo to some challenging places like Iran and Syria. Its very important to me to have my own schedule - or not, depending on how I feel that day. And I would never share a room.

I remember this - a warning indeed!

Unfortunately friend of friend left a bag with her passport, cash and travel cheques (1970s) on the floor under the table and it was gone when they returned. Long frustrating trip to local police for report (We could have done with your help we don’t speak French) and by the time the translator arrived it was too late to go to the British Embassy for a replacement passport. When I got back to the hotel late evening I was confronted by three hostile companions who made out how it was my fault for “abandoning” them. Next morning there was more bickering because I would not accompany them to the British Embassy to apply for the replacement passport. “We don’t speak French” “Well be prepared for lots of waiting around, form filling and queuing. But Ive got some good news for you. They speak English in the British Embassy so you don’t need me to babysit you
We sat on separate seats on the train back to Calais

My very good friend, with whom I'd travelled before, asked me to join her on a longer, further trip.
I just got a feeling that it might not work out, and declined in a very honest and friendly way, saying it was too far for me.
My good friend went with someone else and she died whilst there.
I felt terrible in one way, but relieved I didn't have to cope with arranging the repatriation of her body.
I was invited to speak at her funeral about what a brave and intrepid lady she was.

There is no way on this earth that I would share a room with someone.

Three weeks is far too long to be with someone you don't know very well. Just say that you hope she doesn't mind, but you have planned a trip on your own.

friendlygingercat has a good response but it's blunt and if you are someone more easily persuaded she will say she is "up for it" or "won't be any bother" or (horror of horrors) will just quietly "tag along" with your choices!!!

Beware or be tough!

Be brave and tell her you had always planned to do this trip alone, I think your daughters are correct!
Three weeks on a long haul holiday with someone you dont know very well and sharing a room, recipe for disaster - in my opinion! Your proposed travelling companion has health issues too! Red flags most definitely waving. I think you have already made your mind up , just do it as gently as possible.
She will get over it!!!
God luck.

If you are looking to book on a tour or with a larger group - for example a Kuoni trip - I'd say she won't necessarily impinge too much - unless she is clingy (but you will know this).

I would not share a room.
No no.
Just say you don't fancy a room share.
I don't think you need to justify this or she will try to persuade you.

Say "I feel I really don't want to share"
If she asks why then say "I feel that I'm better on my own"... or "I feel sharing isn't really for me" or "I feel I need my own space" ...
Anything you feel can not be denied.

If you are a solo traveller I'd do the same "I feel..."

Best to be honest about feeling - you don't need to say why - or even understand it!

Have a great trip.

I would say something like:

This is a trip Ive planned for many years Jane and its very important for me to travel solo. I have my own schedule that I intend to follow and am really not perpared to compromise. This is nothing personal but I really dont want anyone with me. This is my final decision.

I will always recall one disasterous holiday where a friend and I were joined by two of her friends. I was the only one who spoke fluent French and found myself acting as the unpaid tour guide, doing all the organising, translating and so on. While I was off having some "me" time one of the group was foolish enough to leave her bag (with all her money, passpost etc) at a cafe and they expected me to sort everything out for them. Needless to say I left them to their own devices. We all travelled back on the train on separate seats.

I havnt been to South America but have travelled solo to some challenging places like Iran and Syria. Its very important to me to have my own schedule - or not, depending on how I feel that day. And I would never share a room.

I would make a list of all the places and activities you intend to visit and do, show her and see if she's still up for it explaining if needed with health issues it may not work for her

Just be honest and tell her you need your own room. I never ever share a room anyone bar the DH. I snore, I don’t sleep well and I have tummy issues, I did share a room with a close friend a couple of years ago at Ragdale, despite me telling her several times I’m a nightmare and she got zero sleep and it ruined her trip! I felt so so guilty despite telling her several times it was not a good idea! X