Gransnet forums


How to have a harmonious Christmas Q&A

(64 Posts)
CariGransnet (GNHQ) Mon 28-Nov-16 11:53:59

While the adverts will have you believe everyone else's Christmas is harmonious and joyful with not a burnt turkey in sight, we all know that the reality can quite often be miscommunications, hurt feelings and at worst family breakdowns. So how can you avoid any unnecessary drama? If you've got a particular situation brewing that you'd like advice on, do post it on this Q&A.

The knowledgeable folk at Relate have offered to answer your queries. Add them here before midday on Monday 12 December

Jalima Mon 28-Nov-16 15:30:47

I could stay off GN for a couple of weeks.

Oh - that's not what you mean wink

Izabella Mon 28-Nov-16 16:56:09

We shall resolve ours by staying at home and leaving them to it. We shall no doubt hear about the shenanigans in due course.

vampirequeen Mon 28-Nov-16 17:37:21

Don't expect it to be perfect. The things you see on the adverts aren't real.

Bobbysgirl19 Mon 28-Nov-16 17:49:29

I really think these adverts of a perfect Xmas have a lot to answer for, real life isn't at all like that. Too much hype, and brainwashing going on. My advice to myself this year is to chill and lower my expectations.

MiniMouse Mon 28-Nov-16 18:29:34

Ahem Cari - site? Or sight?!!

J52 Mon 28-Nov-16 18:53:12

I never buy the Christmas editions of magazines. Every year the headlines are 'your best Christmas yet' or some such nonsense!

All they do, is make people feel inadequate.

whitewave Mon 28-Nov-16 19:03:27

When is all said and done, it is only a roast. We often have a roast chicken with say a steamed type of pudding, so this is really like Christmas without the decorations. This year there will be 6 of us so not unmanageable, just a relaxed and pleasant day, with son, dil, her mum and my mum.

Boxing Day is the dogs Christmas Day with a long walk and family -3 dogs- and then back to ours with present exchange with daughter and sil and grandsons, and a buffet and perhaps board games or a film. Nothing elaborate or ambitious just a cool time!!

Candlefran Mon 28-Nov-16 19:08:22

Well spotted MiniMouse! 😁


Jalima Mon 28-Nov-16 20:07:24

I think Cari meant the turkey that they are going to cook on the GN site for all of us, so far they have only given us roast chicken roastchicken

Jalima Mon 28-Nov-16 20:08:11

How to have a harmonious Christmas

Don't let the Grannies loose on the sherry.

MiniMouse Mon 28-Nov-16 20:58:06

No sherry? shock What are we going to put in the trifle?

thatbags Tue 29-Nov-16 07:52:52

Are people really silly enough to try and live up to the 'standards' of glossy magazines and TV ads? If they are, what the fuck do they expect except disappointment?

Of they are, they need help to build some feistiness, which roughly translates as "farting at fashion fads".

Christinefrance Tue 29-Nov-16 07:57:07

I agree too much hype and an expectation that families will all put aside their problems for a while. Not going to happen, we are living in a stressful age and it takes its toll. Like Izabella we are having Christmas at home and leaving the families to it. Parcel of new books, bottle of Baileys and whatever takes our fancy to eat, bliss.

Anya Tue 29-Nov-16 08:08:27

Why do people go mad at Christmas? It is, as whitewave said, after all only a roast dinner. OK I might glaze my carrots and parsnips, and add bits to the sprouts, but that's about it.

I always do the Christmas dinner and this year it's 8 adults and four children. But my DiL keeps coming up with over-complicated ways of doing the vegetables, or the roast or the gravy or whatever hmm and weird and wonderful different suggestions for starters and puddings.

So this year I've given her the treat of providing starters and puddings! Guess what? Apparently it's prawn cocktail and shop-bought Christmas pud grin

That'll learn her! wink

thatbags Tue 29-Nov-16 09:52:02

Well done, anya! wink

I live with a pair of socially awkward toads (not an insult and they are aware of their toadiness), one of whom thinks turkey is the worst meat ever and the other of whom has issues even with chicken meat, so turkey doesn't stand a chance.

I never have any idea what we'll be eating on xmas day until I do the weekly grocery shopping during the week preceding. Nor do I especially care. A nice meal is perfectly okay.

Candlefran Tue 29-Nov-16 10:13:31

I should have thought by our age we would know exactly what kind of Christmas suits us and our families. Will these people from Relate be so much more sensible/knowledgeable than we are? Have they lived as long as had the lifetime experience that we have?

Candlefran Tue 29-Nov-16 10:14:32


Candlefran Tue 29-Nov-16 10:15:35

"knowledgeable folk at Relate" indeed! Cobblers.

Jalima Tue 29-Nov-16 10:22:00

I could sit in between the DGD so there are no cries of 'she pushed me', 'well she touched me first'

That might help.
Then again, they could be best friends for the whole Christmas holidays - who knows!

CariGransnet (GNHQ) Tue 29-Nov-16 10:30:51


Ahem Cari - site? Or sight?!!

Oh the shame - and me a pedant!! This is what happens when you cut and paste without having time to read it through. Not guilty - but def guilty of not spotting!!

Anya Tue 29-Nov-16 10:32:46

Forgot to add, adults eat in one room and the 4 grandchildren have a small tsble to themselves in another.

That way they could squabble to their hearts content - but oddly enough they don't! (No audience/parents?) and we get to eat out meal in a civilised manner without all the 'Daphne you must try one sprout' or 'No, Augustus, you can't have just eat the sausages' (the names have been changed to protect the guilty).

Works for us wink

Anya Tue 29-Nov-16 10:34:47

Excuse typos. I'm guilty of not spotting before posting too Cari hmm

pipparj Tue 29-Nov-16 10:56:38

hello to all. I have my daughter in law's mother coming for christmas with us this year. this is the first year that she's come to us, because previously my son and daighter in law would alternate christmas and boxing days between us and them. in february though, she was widowed. I do feel so very sorry for her, and of course she is still suffering quite badly.

I'm dreadfully anxious of bringing up anything that might upset her, but it seems wrong to let the day pass without mentioning her husband. my question for the counsellors is, do you think a toast to him at some point of the day would be appropriate? It's silly, but I'm afraid of making her cry! it's their first christmas without him, so I'm sure they'll cry - I just never know the right things to say, i've never been very good at that (not for lack of trying)

Jalima Tue 29-Nov-16 11:08:24

She will probably cry but in fact be glad that everyone remembers him fondly. Could your son make the toast to his FIL instead of you doing it?

We usually have a toast to absent friends and family which covers those overseas and those dear departed.

Relate may have a different answer!!