pipparj
hello to all. I have my daughter in law's mother coming for christmas with us this year. this is the first year that she's come to us, because previously my son and daighter in law would alternate christmas and boxing days between us and them. in february though, she was widowed. I do feel so very sorry for her, and of course she is still suffering quite badly.
I'm dreadfully anxious of bringing up anything that might upset her, but it seems wrong to let the day pass without mentioning her husband. my question for the counsellors is, do you think a toast to him at some point of the day would be appropriate? It's silly, but I'm afraid of making her cry! it's their first christmas without him, so I'm sure they'll cry - I just never know the right things to say, i've never been very good at that (not for lack of trying)
I think a toast to your daughter’s in law’s mother’s husband, who has recently died, is a lovely and very important thing to do. I understand the sensitivity about not upsetting her further, but it will hugely comforting for her to know that he is in everyone else’s thoughts, as well as her own. Losing someone we love is so hard, and this can be made even more difficult when everyone around us thinks it is better to avoid the subject. Raise a glass, give either her or her daughter the opportunity to say a few words about her husband or father, and then don’t feel bad about carrying on with the day. The fact that he has been made welcome in spirit will give them both comfort and solace.