Banned from having contact with grandchildren

Caleo

Violet Sky wrote:

"What we need to be teaching children is that some views are not acceptable"

Yes, I agree. However what we don't want to teach them is that because Granny is silly we ought to be cruel to he.

Just like protests, family fall outs don't happen for no reason.

We all need to respect the feelings and boundiaries of others if we want to spendtime with them.

No one is entitled to others time I'm afraid and calling them cruel isn't going to make them feel warm and fuzzy

I suspect matters came to a head with the BLM protests. She is of course free to expand on what she has said and to tell us we’re barking up the wrong tree.

It’s just a sad situation, yet another family estranged.

Wow!
what happened to accepting differences between people?

No wonder we still have wars.......if a bunch of mature women can't get along what hope is there for the planet?
Fact is we don't all see things the same way.

My Nan was racist and as an adult I pulled her up on this.
Her response was heartfelt.
She felt direspected and pushed out of her community for a start.

I didn't agree with her, but I did learn that she had a valid point of view for herself. She had to move to be happier but so what?

I really didn't like the way some PP's assume that their opinions are the right ones and everyone else is wrong. I personally detest the Tories and the idiots who vote them in.

With my Nan I learnt that I can still love someone even with different views.
She never affected me or the way I think but she did help me understand a POV different to my own.

Isn't there a saying by someone like Socrates ? that the pain of an ungrateful child is sharper than a serpents tooth!

My daughter and I disagree on so many issues that I can't believe I brought her up!

Violet Sky, in my family I was a girl with very clever big brothers who teased me . When I was a nurse if a patient teased me I knew she trusted me enough to do so. When I was a mother my sons tease me for some of my ideas and make me laugh and more often than not I come round to their way of thinking. Because we are all good hearted people and some ideas are better than other ideas.

I think the young parents ought to lighten up for everyones' sake.

It does seem harsh but sadly if they don’t agree to you seeing the grandchildren not a lot you can do about it

Pink Quartz quoted:
" the pain of an ungrateful child is sharper than a serpents tooth!"

It's Biblical. I suspect it originated at a time and place when family honour was deemed be very important.

Well said pinkquarz.

Caleo the young parents ought to lighten up for everyones' sake.

Good that you're allowed the opinion others should lighten up - other side: parents raise their children as they see fit. Apparently this daughter doing just that, raising children following her thoughts on important matters.

Norah, even if in doing so you are cruel to silly old Granny?

Whether lightening up is appropriate depends on what the issue is. If racist views have been expressed it would not be appropriate to lighten up.

Yes, I agree. However the parents are well placed to tell their children that Granny has a bad idea sometimes and we love her even although she is sometimes silly.

Caleo

Yes, I agree. However the parents are well placed to tell their children that Granny has a bad idea sometimes and we love her even although she is sometimes silly.

Fine. You do you, be silly as you wish.

I'll be decidedly "not silly" on matters important to all people.

Germanshepherdsmum

Whether lightening up is appropriate depends on what the issue is. If racist views have been expressed it would not be appropriate to lighten up.

I agree with you. My mother was a racist bigot and managed to get snide little remarks into just about everything she said. I think her views were so entrenched that she wasn't even aware of them.

I didn't ever ban my children from seeing her, although they didn't really like seeing her, especially as the got older. I tried very hard not to make any negative comments about her. However, I never let her be on her own with them, which I'm sure she felt was cruel.

GSM, if racist views are said explicitly and forcefully then I agree the young parents should not make a joke of it and should tell her not to offend in that way. For instance if Jenrev has said the n word the parents should be shocked and let the children know they are shocked.

From how she writes I doubt if Jenrev is either explicit or forceful. For instance, I bet most racists know the n word is illegal. I think that to exclude her from their family is intemperate, unless she is unable to learn from the young parents and exclusion is their last resort. A joking relationship would depend on Jenrev's ability to see the other's point of view.
I am glad of this opportunity to moderate what I wrote.

Germanshepherdsmum

Whether lightening up is appropriate depends on what the issue is. If racist views have been expressed it would not be appropriate to lighten up.

Exactly. I am, like most on here, assuming that the fall out was due to what the DD & SiL consider to be racist views (BLM, slavery statue protests etc), so it would be rather hard for me to just try and agree to disagree with someone who holds these views. I have friends with very different politics to mine, but they have their reasons for voting as they do, as do I, but racism, or the inability to even understand why people should be so upset by these views, would be a no no for me

Nice to be in agreement HPQ. 😊

Caleo

Violet Sky, in my family I was a girl with very clever big brothers who teased me . When I was a nurse if a patient teased me I knew she trusted me enough to do so. When I was a mother my sons tease me for some of my ideas and make me laugh and more often than not I come round to their way of thinking. Because we are all good hearted people and some ideas are better than other ideas.

I think the young parents ought to lighten up for everyones' sake.

Sorry bit I don't know how this applies here

We are talking about protected rights

Besides, childhood isn't a proving ground for being able to handle teasing, there are always boundaries

Well said pinkquartz.
I also think Caleo has expressed moderate and sensible views.
At the end of the day we don’t really know what was said or how it was said. We don’t know the personalities involved, but it seems to me a large number of posters have made a fair few assumptions about the OP and what happened. I’m glad some posters are not on a jury if I was accused of something. The facts are we don’t actually know and until or unless we do, we should be more moderate in what we say. I know that’s hard for some people though.

Caleo

Yes, I agree. However the parents are well placed to tell their children that Granny has a bad idea sometimes and we love her even although she is sometimes silly.

Views that are detrimental to an entire demographic aren't "silly" they are dangerous

This is why we have rules about hate speech, they lead to violence.

Have you not followed any of BLM? These sorts of views are literally a massive problem in society..

VS I believe Caleo was trying to use child speak, words that children easily understand. We always told our children that certain things are against the law, and explained in child speak, the possible consequences. However this depends on the child’s age and cognitive ability. And most parents don’t want to basically criminalise granny!

Caleo

Pink Quartz quoted:
" the pain of an ungrateful child is sharper than a serpents tooth!"

It's Biblical. I suspect it originated at a time and place when family honour was deemed be very important.

It’s actually from King Lear by Shakespear. I used to think it was the Bible until someone on GN put me right.

You are correct Avolon.It’s from King Lear.

maddyone I don't really approve of "child speak". It leads adults to believing that children aren't capable of understanding them and saying things in their presence that they shouldn't

Children need more credit than that

Germanshepherdsmum

Nice to be in agreement HPQ. 😊

It is GSM, I try to tackle the ball, and not the player, I hate to see personal spats breaking out on GN and derailing the thread.