Banned from having contact with grandchildren

I've never said I agree with your mother VS; I don't know her.

Sometimes it really is Smileless and the grandparent is just too self involved to see it

Germanshepherdsmum

Thanks for saying you detest me, as a Tory voter, and that I’m an idiot PinkQuartz. Nice.

Not a nice thing to post PQ Take no notice GSM idiots come in all shapes,sizes and political persuasion.
The biggest idiots are intolerant people who see no other views other than their own, they dont listen so dont learn anything.

Yes VS sometimes, but not always.

Smileless2012

I've never said I agree with your mother VS; I don't know her.

I do sadly

Assumptions, sorry. Yes, opinion, views, can differ, and can agree to disagree. But if it goes beyond and to extremes, and supports violence or fascism and/or other extreme ideas- then there is a 'fine line'. As said, put yourself in Franco's Spain, or Nazy Germany... at what stage does an opinion becomes so much more.

In relation to this thread Fleur there's nothing to suggest that extreme views have been expressed.

Yet, OP blames the protest... the protest that doesn't occur without the oppression

Where does the blame actually fall?

That's right.. with the oppression

Where does the OP blame the protest? She said violent protest is sad and unnecessary not that protesting per se is wrong and to be blamed.

Smileless2012

In relation to this thread Fleur there's nothing to suggest that extreme views have been expressed.

Agreed- but as OP has not given any indication- we can only try to imagine. My comment is in response to comments which say 'family comes first, come ... whatever'. There is a line beyond which that does not work any longuer.

Perhaps, following the intervention from Imani at GNHQ, the OP will turn to Mumsnet for more help and empathy than she has received here (but can’t help thinking good luck with that). At least some useful links were provided.

Indeed. One of my best friends is going through this, and this is due to her daughter consulting some sort of Guru who has put ideas into her head about the past. It is very hard.

We hear more and more often about ACs expecting so much from parents, including full time free childcare, large loans, etc, etc, and turning really nasty if they don't get their way, and using grand-children's visiting rights as 'tools' to get what they want. So massive sympathy from me.

Without more information, we just do not know what is going on, and if there is indeed a solution. It is clear though, that family ties cannot hold forever in some cases.

Again Smileless tell that to the suffragettes

Fleurpepper

Indeed. One of my best friends is going through this, and this is due to her daughter consulting some sort of Guru who has put ideas into her head about the past. It is very hard.

We hear more and more often about ACs expecting so much from parents, including full time free childcare, large loans, etc, etc, and turning really nasty if they don't get their way, and using grand-children's visiting rights as 'tools' to get what they want. So massive sympathy from me.

Without more information, we just do not know what is going on, and if there is indeed a solution. It is clear though, that family ties cannot hold forever in some cases.

We also hear about grandparents who think they have the right to have "silly" views, who want to impose their own style of parenting on their children and who seem to think that grandchildren were brought into the world to make them feel good. It works both ways.

Yes, agreed.

VioletSky

maddyone I don't really approve of "child speak". It leads adults to believing that children aren't capable of understanding them and saying things in their presence that they shouldn't

Children need more credit than that

You can do as you like VS but I, as a parent and an ex primary teacher, believe children need to understand what is being said to them. Therefore the way we speak to children should be understandable by them and couched in terms that are straightforward and non controversial.
As I said previously, the majority of people do not want to criminalise granny.

In fact, most people, want to provide their children with the example of harmonious relationships within the family. This is better for the mental health of all the family and helps children to learn to develop to manage relationships in a pleasant manner.
Some grandparents on this site seem to be particularly keen to promote the exact opposite of this. Because you don’t agree with someone does not make them your enemy, it simply means you disagree. Children need to learn to manage relationships as this is what they will need to do later on in life, in the workplace for example. Teaching children that if you disagree with someone the way to manage this is to ostracise them is poor teaching in my opinion. I had some difficulties with my mother but I taught my children that despite her sometimes problematic behaviour, she was their grandmother, my mother, and still a valued member of our family despite the sometimes difficult behaviour.

maddyone

In fact, most people, want to provide their children with the example of harmonious relationships within the family. This is better for the mental health of all the family and helps children to learn to develop to manage relationships in a pleasant manner.
Some grandparents on this site seem to be particularly keen to promote the exact opposite of this. Because you don’t agree with someone does not make them your enemy, it simply means you disagree. Children need to learn to manage relationships as this is what they will need to do later on in life, in the workplace for example. Teaching children that if you disagree with someone the way to manage this is to ostracise them is poor teaching in my opinion. I had some difficulties with my mother but I taught my children that despite her sometimes problematic behaviour, she was their grandmother, my mother, and still a valued member of our family despite the sometimes difficult behaviour.

A sensible post, in my opinion. It seems to me, these days, that some people - parents or grandparents - rush to estrangement.

I agree maddyone we need to learn to manage differences.
As Sarah75 said estrangement seems be rushed into as a solution.

Many of us are also prepared to walk on eggshells and be VERY careful about certain subjects, and do almost anything to avoid any damage to our relationships, and the one we have with grand-children. We are very fortunate that the few things we disagree with come in the camp of 'agree to disagree'. However, if my ACs held views from the far right, extreme forms of racism and prejudice, we would have to express that we disagree, and take what comes.

WE had cousins in USA we really got on so well with, had holidays together and had great fun. Then Obama was elected and the vitriol and extreme racist, islamophobic stuff came out. We tried to discuss, but it was not possible. We never argued- but that was that. Not sure how we would have reacted and coped if it was that sort of stuff with ACs. Thank goodness we don't have to face this.

That's fine maddyone, that is your choice to parent as you see fit

But not much to do with saying granny is just being silly, which is the point you made with me.

Some things about another person's personality are fundamentally a no for me and my children

1. Unwholesome opinions

2. Thinking they are so special and important we must listen to them

Lol no, afraid not, you can be my mother or the king and its a nope

I don’t parent any longer VS because my children are now all grown up and two of them have children of their own. If I was talking about the subject of racism with my grandchildren, and I only would if it somehow cropped up, I would say something a.one the lines of some people think…..but we don’t think that because it’s not very kind. That would be my child speak, simple, to the point, but not placing blame.

I should have pre read
something along the lines of

We cannot protect our children from unwholesome opinions because they will encounter them at some point whatever we do. Surely it’s better to educate them that certain things are unkind.
My opinion anyway.