Managing a narcissist subordinate

I had huge problems in the NHS with one manager who certainly fitted the ‘narcissist’ type. She eventually annoyed senior management and was asked to leave.

Fully appreciate that some people prefer the term ‘bloody nuisance’ but ‘bloody nuisance’ (BN) can cover a multitude of sins, possibly causing problems in many, many ways - eg different people being consistently late, bullying, potentially violent, incompetent, rude. ‘Narcissism’ is one aspect of the whole BN scenario! ?

we have one of these people in our team and giving them responsibility by asking them to train new team members worked initially but then the monster behaviour grew . This person is retiring soon and unfortunately the whole team has started a countdown. As I have a leisure interest in common with this person I'm often left to deal with them.We think that from the way this person is , there may be some Aspergers in the mix - sorry to label but this is how the person appears . No suggestions I'm afraid just maybe kill with kindness ?

If you are the team manager where are your skills? Always a person like that wherever one works. Seen it schools all my life, they are a pain but hey ho.....

Cor blimey....sounds just like someone I had the displeasure to work with. She was clinical staff and I was not so I considered the different angles and realised, if push came to shove, I'd be the one to go....so I resigned.
I wholeheartedly agree with Jaycee5. If she is causing issues with your team she will wherever she goes and she needs to realise her behaviour is unacceptable.
I also believe in Karma and that, whatever she is putting others through, will bite her in the a***.
Thank you for sharing.

As a former boss used to say to me "this is when management hurts".

Has she been diagnosed as a narcissist? This mental health term is bandied around a lot these days, but without an official diagnosis from an expert in the field of psychiatry or psychology, it is difficult to judge from your OP. Have you diagnosed her yourself as you say she has 'Text book narcissism'?

I think going on another course to learn how to deal with difficult, manipulative staff members could be a good idea. You do not want to put your own job at risk so best to avoid confrontation with her, but you also need to keep the rest of your team on-side, working together and also with her, so they need your help in learning how to deal with her behaviour.

You sound as if you are dealing with her successfully in the workplace, so don't let this spill over into your private life and worry you.

and, there's always one!

However, as often happens to these vile people, he was promoted
Interesting, minniemouse, as I worked with someone like this. This person would have tantrums if told to do something she didn't want to do, and unfortunately some other kind soul would usually give in and volunteer.
She was promoted too - but as DH says 'some people are promoted out of harm's way'.

Prior to retiring 5 years ago I worked in an organisation where there were a whole host of difficult people! My line manager, our administrator and a veritable cast of awkwards in some of the projects I managed. I did do training on managing difficult people and tried to deal with them as professionally as possible, but it did get to me. Gradually over 10 years I developed anxiety, high blood pressure and IBS. So whatever you do look after yourself. My situation was worse because my manager was part of the problem. Talk it through with a senior you trust, make a strategy and try your best to ensure you don't take the stress home with you.

I could have easily written this post myself, I have had a terrible trouble with the same type of person at work that I am managing.

mabon1 your comment is true, but if you have to directly deal with this manipulative personality day in and out it helps to have a strategy, and outlets are a must...

I like the idea of making things that you say about being for their benefit. It may be feeding their ego a bit, but it is a great strategy for getting what you want out of them, also ask them for their ideas, and put them on the case (as it was their idea).

The problem is that these people are slippery fish, and do what they like, and will always find an answer to every thing. Challenge them and you may as well have ripped off a limb...so gentle approach required. I have learned after having a complaint against me, luckily, this person is well known for her behaviour and was smoothed over. They don't follow rules, because rules are not made for them, they are far too superior, if tackled a story is always on the tip of the tongue.

I have chosen to feel sorry for this person as the need to boost the ego and have false friendships is greater than the need to live their true honest life. They must be very insecure.

Could you encourage her to apply for promotion and move on to another team?

Emm14 you have my every sympathy. Having been in your shoes it is hell. I suspect you are already doing everything possible and I wish I could pass on a great tip, but in my experience the narcissistic employee is concerned above all else with themselves and their own dramas. Appealing to their better nature, or to team spirit, or even reasonableness has little effect. The more they soak up your time in trying to manage them the better they like it. They probably know they are causing you and the team hell and simply dont care, or indeed enjoy it. They want the oxygen of any attention, even negative. I think when dealing with them documentation is everything. A written record of any discussions, shared (and therefore endorsed) with them is vital. Keep all e-mails. Do what is reasonable 'by the book' and try to wipe them from your mind outside of work to stay sane. They want the lions share of attention, so give them as little as is possible within the bounds of good management and try not to react to them. I was not without sympathy for the person concerned when I was in your shoes, they were deeply unhappy, but unfortunately mostly I found it was a be tough to be kind scenario. They were in the grip of something that probably needed about five years of therapy to sort out and when our employers offered to pay for that they refused point blank because of course they believed everyone was at fault except them.

One of the facts of life is that as you go through it, in all circumstances, you have to deal with really awkward and difficult people, who you cannot cut out of your life and whom you have to deal with. At work it may be your boss, a colleague or subordinate, it can be an awkward customer 'help' person at the end of the phone. a receptionist or workman, or medical professional.

The only thing to do is take a deep breathe and refuse to let them 'get' at you. For my sins I seem to be reasonable good at it. Mainly, I think because when I worked I frequently had to get people over whom I had no authority to do work for me to tight time tables. Many a cosy chat have I had with people who inwardly I wanted to strangle, because I had to get a job done and getting them on my side was the only way to do it.

The one technique I would suggest, is keep a beady eye on her for anything she does that could make it possible to put her on a disciplinary procedure. I did that once with a manager who had it in for me. I didn't push it, but just the start of the procedure, made him treat me with a lot more circumspection.

Otherwise, on days when she is driving you mad, go somewhere quiet (the loo?) st down and take a few slow deep breaths and slowly let the tension drip out of you. Then have a cup of tea/coffee while somewhere quiet and you drink it slowly. It generally worked for me.

I don't know how things work in other countries or how the workplace has evolved in the last fifteen years, but having worked for a large company for many years (HR), I can share the following:

Most large corporations have policies in place for what was called Performance Management (PM). PM not only measures how your employees perform their job responsibilities but also things like compatibility with the job environment, the company culture and their workplace behaviors.

The capstone of Performance Management is to conduct well documented, regular Performance Reviews. Most companies do these twice a year for every employee. Results are measured with discreet scores based on metrics. Objective metrics are things like how effectively deadlines have been met, how well (pre established goals and objectives) were achieved and the results of team oriented surveys (360 degree surveys) that rely on personal assessments by a particular employee's subordinates, peers and managers

All supervisors and managers receive Performance Review training. They learn how to be objective in their assessments and how to record and document metrics in order to protect the company from legal liability.

Raises and promotions are rewarded based on overall ratings. Employees that score poorly are placed on Performance Improvement Programs or PIPs. A PIP can include job training/counseling and can last three to six months; in some cases longer, depending on scope. If little or no improvement is shown, employee can be transferred to a more suitable position (i.,e. Requiring minimal interaction with others or a less demanding job). In many cases employees have to be terminated so a big part of Performance Management is to minimize legal repercussions.

The cornerstones of a successful Performance Management program is for Managers/Supervisors to treat all their employees equally, ethically, humanely and above all with the utmost respect. Managers must also document and maintain reliable (objective) records to support employment decisions. Sound record keeping is important for Manager/Supervisor to protect themselves and their employer (the company) from any legal liability.

I totally agree with you Luckygirl so many labels so many people willing to diagnose at the drop of a hat.

Watch your own back. I worked with someone like this and she lied and lied about everything. Because she was so charming and plausible everyone believed her and she spread very harmful and malicious gossip about some unsuspecting individuals. She certainly undermined me with colleagues and management.

There is no cure for Narcissism so I suggest you ‘manage’ her into some promoted place out of harm’s way. The situation will not get better until she is gone.

I want to add that dealing with difficult employees is a slippery slope and fraught with many pitfalls.It's the reason why employers must have sound policies and keep careful records (performance records, statements, impartial witnesses, dates, times, places, circumstances etc.).

Employment decisions must be amply justified so they can be upheld. Problem employees should be offered (well documented) counseling, occupational safety training, job reassignment etc. Employer can then demonstrate that all steps were taken to help a problem employee succeed. If following that, there's still no improvement, decision to terminate may follow. Employer is bound to demonstrate good faith and 'due diligence' so decision to terminate can be protected.

Why go to all that trouble? Because subjective observations such as 'not well liked', 'irresponsible', 'unfriendly' or 'not a team player' won't hold up in court. Similarly a label (i.e. narcissist), won't do either unless in this case, a valid diagnosis from an accredited mental health professional can be procured. Even then, company would have to demonstrate how someone's narcissist behavior affected a particular workplace, adversely enough to merit termination (discrimination, demotion etc.).

When a disgruntled ex employee decides to sue and wins it's because Company policies are lacking or someone didn't exercise due diligence in their record keeping. Class action lawsuits over wrongful terminations have cost employers millions in liability awards.