Nasty/ignorant colleague

you not your

Or, as I said (more or less) to my daughters: Be moral, be humanist*, take no shit.

*by humanist I mean not anti-human, of which there are too many ppl nowadays.

I find it really hard to take the kill them with kindness approach though I wish I could....Having been in this situation with a colleague when I was younger I watched and when I seen her in an area by herself I confronted her and politely asked her to stop being so nasty and sarcastic to me and if it continued I was taking a grievance out....It resulted in her apologising to me the next day....We never got on at all but at least she stopped bullying me...Best calling a bully out I say...

But it doesn't sound as though this coleague is a bully. she just doesn't chat to the poster - and the poster doesn't chat to her. I wonder whether this is the OP's first job, and she is used to people knowong everyone, and having them always chatting to her. Now that she is out in the world of work she has met someone who isn't starting up a friendship at one, but is perhaps waiting for her - maybe the other person has met with a brush-off in the past.
Or maybe not.

I think you can tell from uour own instinct that someone is snubbing and being rude to you on purpose...People like this know what nature of people to do this to..The fact that the colleagues friend is ignoring CoffeeFirst as well seems doesn't seem fair...What does it cost to say good morning to someone...Ignorance to another person for no reason is awful

Next time it's just the two of you in the Kitchen smile at her and just say something about the weather or something similarly mundane. If she doesn't answer at least you've shown her you don't have a problem with her. The ball is in her court. If she continues to make no effort to be at least pleasant she's just showing herself to be very ignorant.

Bullying comes in all sorts of different forms.

NotSpaghetti

germanshepherdsmum - this was quite close to my situation too. And I was older than my colleague who was afraid I would be judging her.

I've had this too. A new colleague who was actually older than me but had been a mature student joined our team. She never really talked to me and contradicted me whenever she could in meetings. I put it down to her feeling insecure among more qualified people.
If I was making a coffee I asked her if she wanted one. I also took a tin of biscuits in to share when I found out when her birthday was.
We were never friends but we became cordial with each other.
Try not to think it is your fault it is insecurity on her part.

#NotSpaghetti I have always been quite reserved around people I don't know and some people thought I was a bit standoffish, which I wasn't. As I've grown older and, hopefully, wiser I now take people as I find them. I would take the advice given and say a cheery good morning and have a bit of a chat/comment about the weather/the day ahead whatever and give her a chance. If she rebuffs you at least you know you've tried. I've learned that not all people like me and I don't really like most people, have always been a bit of a loner, but I will pass the time of day and pleasantries. However, after trying all the aforementioned suggestions I've now taken the attitude that if you want to speak to me I'm happy to join in a conversation but if you don't I will wait until the other person wants to engage with me. I try to go with the flow and if you want to speak I'll speak and if you don't I won't. If it all gets to much and is creeping into the realms of bullying there is always HR. Hope you find a solution.

Just catch her next time you go into the kitchen and ask her outright.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to have done to upset you and make you feel the need to not speak to me or even be in the same room as me, would you mind enlightening me please?".

DeeJaysMum

Just catch her next time you go into the kitchen and ask her outright.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to have done to upset you and make you feel the need to not speak to me or even be in the same room as me, would you mind enlightening me please?".

That would sound very confrontational and if there is an issue the other person could easily say, 'Get Lost' or much worse.

And if there wasn't an isuue before, there will be now.

Yes, very confrontational. I certainly wouldn’t do that.

I was going to suggest the same as Fleur .Put your brightest smile on ..fake it if you have to ?

Are you sure your own lack of confidence (mentioned in your OP) is not clouding your judgment. She may be shy and unsure how to start a conversation with someone who has never spoken to her.

Years ago someone who became a very good friend said she thought I hated her when we first met. I’d just forgotten my glasses and couldn’t see her very well.

This has sent me back to my high school days . I was about 15 & very shy & quiet myself .When I was walking between classes or at lunch time I noticed a younger 13 yr old girl kept giving me dirty looks . I had no idea why & mentioned it to my two friends who then noticed she looked at me every time . Weeks later the girl went to one of my friends & asked what she had done to offend me & she didn’t want any trouble . I was amazed & went back to her & said I had no problem with her & told her I thought she was the one with the problem . It just showed me how my shyness can look to other people & has made me more aware of smiling at people even if I don’t talk .

I had a colleague who sat right beside me at work. She had long periods of being very pleasant to me then suddenly blanking me for no apparent reason. She would just say "Good morning". "Goodnight" If I spoke to her I'd get short replies or she'd look at me as if I'd 2 heads. I don't know why to this day. I didn't ask her about it. Hard to explain. But if I'd asked her it would have made it a huge drama, (I'd seen her do this with another colleague). I decided just to act normally & get on with my job as it was her problem not mine. To be honest, she was a cold, cow to me. Would speak over me to the others at our desks, excluding me from the conversation. Must have made her feel powerful in some way? The problem was solved by C19! Working from home ?

OP I hope it gets sorted as I truly know how it feels.

I has a similar experience at work years ago, one of the girls was quite shy but she always chatted to the others until one weekend,when we worked together, we were nurses working on the District and had to drive around together, this was a good opportunity to talk, it was a break through as we did get to know one another, and things were fine after that.

Show them a little kindness/friendliness and see how it goes.
Good luck anyway.

Sometimes other people can trigger things from our past relationships. Perhaps you remind the person of someone who treated her badly, it may be an unconscious thing that's she's unaware of herself. Probably nothing to do with you, just a thing like a similar dress or gesture might have triggered a bad memory from the past. She probable hasn't even thought about it consciously, although you think she's trying not to let it show. Hopefully she'll discover the real you one day. I instantly disliked a cousins girlfriend, but I decided to get to know her better and realised I'd misread her anxiety for aloofness. Get on fine now.

I’ve encountered unexpected/undeserved dislike in workplaces and elsewhere. By nature I’m very open and friendly, so it’s always a shock if I realise someone doesn’t like me. I do tend to ask myself what I’ve done wrong. But I’ve come to realise that everyone isn’t going to like me, I’m obviously just not everyone’s cup of tea. If someone obviously doesn’t want to talk to me, I don’t try to make them!

Have you talked to anyone at work, Eg line manager, about how unhappy this is making you? I agree with the pp who mentioned bullying, ostracising someone is a form of bullying, whatever the reason (if there is one).

It would be good to hear from the OP.

Rise above it, be the bigger person..........treat her like you would expect to be treated and how you treat everyone else in the team.

I'm a fan of the 'charm offensive'. I used to wonder what I had done to make a colleague act coldly towards me, and on realising that I had done nothing and that she was just a rude person, I decided to hand the 'problem' over to her, by giving her a nice smile and brightly wishing her a good morning/afternoon etc whenever I had the chance. It made me feel good because outwardly I was being my usual self, while wickedly enjoying that having to acknowledge my greeting (albeit coldly!) was annoying her immensely!

You seem to have a very low opinion of your colleague Maybe you are giving off vibes Maybe she is shy maybe older women intimidate her.