When is a favour not a favour.

Thank you Glorianny. I’m shocked the negativity on here and how some people have totally missed the point. Your idea is perfect and just what I need. I’m just never quick enough to come up with the right words at the right time. He also a bit of a ‘bodger’ and I don’t want to pay for a bodged job. But I do give him too much and realise that I am far to good at doing him a favour. I definitely need to negotiate favours in return.

Perhaps the next time he comments on your use of trades, you could say "I don't believe in getting friends to do work on my house. It could make our friendship difficult if something wasn't done correctly and I value your friendship too much to jeopardize it"

as we shouldn't give to receive I wold continue to pay a tradesman to do my jobs and not employ neighbour at all

lemsip

as we shouldn't give to receive I wold continue to pay a tradesman to do my jobs and not employ neighbour at all

Yes, we shouldn't expect anything in return for a favour.

I would employ someone else, but perhaps find a couple of needy families who might really appreciate the food.
You could still give your neighbour some food without keeping him fed so well.

Grandmabatty

Perhaps the next time he comments on your use of trades, you could say "I don't believe in getting friends to do work on my house. It could make our friendship difficult if something wasn't done correctly and I value your friendship too much to jeopardize it"

That too, Grandmabatty

It would mean there wouldn't be a fall-out.

To answer OP’s original question-
I don’t think a favour is a favour if it is done with the expectation of something in return.
OK it’s nice when that happens but what happened to “give but not to count the cost” ?

Lord Jesus, teach me to be generous. Teach me to serve as you deserve, To give and not to count the cost, To fight and not to heed the wounds, To labor and not to seek to rest, To give of myself and not ask for a reward, Except the reward of knowing that I am doing your will.

Jesus would not have lasted long in business. Those of you who commented that the OP got the food for free have not taken account of her time, effort, wear and tear on the vehicle and petrol money to go and collect the supplies. All these elements have a cost. Nothing is really free.

I know of no rule which dictates that a "volunteer" cannot get something back for their efforts. Thos of you who were on about the tax office get a bloody life.

On the other hand you could be up front. tell him how you feel and re-negotiate the relationship.

Remind NDN about all the free food you have provided, such that you have saved him a lot of expense. Thereby putting disposable income in his pocket.

#1 You can continue in this way with him repaying you by doing the occasional small domestic job gratis

#2 You can move to a system where you distribute the food elsewhere and pay him for his services as a tradesperson.

Simples.

I do get tired of the obsession with only giving anything to anyone who is not on their knees - whether it’s a free tv licence, food on its sell-by date or items that people want to clear out. I see ads on my local FB page saying ‘X free to good home. I would like it to go to someone who really needs it, so please message me’. They may as well ask people to beg for whatever it is, and you just know that if it gets passed on again there will be comments about ingratitude and so on.

As has been pointed out, Olio is a recycling scheme - not a charity, and there is no shame in getting food from it. As long as the Lady Bountiful attitude prevails, people will be embarrassed to use charity shops, Freecycle and all the other initiatives that are in place to cut out waste, in case of comments about taking from the needy. That will have a negative impact on the environment and there is no saying that ‘the needy’ will get any more than they do now. At the risk of being accused of politicising the thread, I think that we should have higher taxes so there is no need for the poor to have to ask for crumbs, and everyone should try to pass on or recycle what they can, whether they’need to’ or not.

Re the neighbour, I agree that he should be doing little things like clearing you gutters for nothing - not because you expect it of him, but because he expects it of himself.

If you have far more than you can pass on see if theres a soup kitchen local to you who would use things near or on use by dates daily .
I know theres one in Glasgow that feeds not just homeless bt people who are struggling ,they do have perishables available for folk to take away.
I noticed yesterday they have a shop near to Central Station where there will be fresh and frozen food available for collection on Christmas eve so people can fill their freezers for use over Christmas .
I'm fairly sure there will be something similar in other areas .
That might be better than giving food to someone who clearly doesn't appreciate it

Olio is a brilliant scheme to cut down on food waste. Everyone should have a look at their website/ app before criticising. I regularly give stuff away on Olio that wouldn’t be accepted by foodbanks. Bags of flour, fresh produce from the garden, a couple of surplus frying pans, fancy gift box of loose tea I was never going to use, leftover salads from a party and so on. Volunteers collect bread and pastries from the likes of Tesco and advertise them on the app, anyone can pick them up, it’s all local. Well done OP for volunteering. It’s best to give without expectation of a reciprocal gift, so I’d just continue to employ the best tradesperson for the jobs described and say no thanks to the neighbour. If he requests stuff from the app then he’s entitled to come and collect it.

Biglouis "Those of you who were on about the tax office get a bloody life."

That was me.

In a past life I was a volunteer in a health-related charity, started decades earlier by patients of that disease. There were paid workers, plus a lot of things done by volunteers, one of whom had no transport and sometimes found getting there difficulty getting to the venue, so the organisation paid for an occasional taxi. Then his mobility deteriorated and he needed the taxi more often and eventually every time, while at the same time his help was need more often due to various circumstances. The next audit of the finances was interesting. The auditors seized on the regularly recurring taxi fares, and said it would be classed as employing an extra member of staff, and as him receiving the equivalent of a wage - so it had to stop.

biglouis

On the other hand you could be up front. tell him how you feel and re-negotiate the relationship.

Remind NDN about all the free food you have provided, such that you have saved him a lot of expense. Thereby putting disposable income in his pocket.

#1 You can continue in this way with him repaying you by doing the occasional small domestic job gratis

#2 You can move to a system where you distribute the food elsewhere and pay him for his services as a tradesperson.

Simples.

That would mean the OP was using free food as an instrument of trading. Not at all sure about that.

I have being talking about this with a friend & my daughter recently ... sad as it seems ....you can be too kind & people take advantage ... ignor what he says about doing things cheaper ... also give him much less food ... tell him it has to be distributed fairly , which it does ... he is certainly taking advantage ... also he may beable to afford food which he is taking from desperate people ... charging for jobs ? How many more does he do that with ? He may have good money coming in who knows ... just give him half what he needs/wants ... do you give him an assortment or does he tell you what he wants ... people do take advantage of others kindness

Beautful, have you read the thread? . It has been pointed out more than once that the food is not intended for 'desperate people' - Olio is about reducing waste, and is not a charity. The food is not means-tested. The OP is not giving away food from a soup kitchen, she is saving her neighbour on the effort and fuel it would cost him to go and get it himself, which he (as with absolutely everyone) is entitled to do.

MissAdventure

I think I would just rather give away the food to others, and pay him for anything he does.

That puts it on a more business like footing.

Tjis is my feeling too, MissA

biglouis - I am assuming you haven't done a lot of volunteering or you would know how rewarding it usually is.
Volunteering brings many rewards - some would say it is its "own reward"

As to business. Both my mother and father had their own businesses. My parents were regular volunteers and my father, through his businesses was one of the most generous people I have known.
Some things did cost money but he chose to do them anyway and being a businessman is surely about being a person too.

I am grateful that I was brought up in a "businesses" family that cared for the community in which we were based.

Don't assume that businesses has no give and take, no building of friendly and kind relationships. No thoughtful holding-out-of-hands to those less fortunate. It is not all about money... you are allowed to have a heart too you know.

And frankly most people prefer to do businesses with people they feel warm to and are are fair and friendly. I certainly feel this way.
Some businesses I have boycotted over the years for their attitude... I don't think I'm the only one who has chosen to buy from/eat at/ do businesses with one place over another - simply because of the people there.

I think Jesus would have done just fine, actually.

Am I out of step here? If I do some one a favour it is because I wanted to, not because I can get something back. I try not to ask for favours but love receiving ones given freely with no strings attached. If someone asks I will do my best for them but have learned to say no if necessary. No can be a difficult word to say but it can save a friendship.

biglouis

Jesus would not have lasted long in business. Those of you who commented that the OP got the food for free have not taken account of her time, effort, wear and tear on the vehicle and petrol money to go and collect the supplies. All these elements have a cost. Nothing is really free.

I know of no rule which dictates that a "volunteer" cannot get something back for their efforts. Thos of you who were on about the tax office get a bloody life.

I do understand that supplies have to be collected from supermarkets, but not everyone who volunteers for such organisations does the collecting.
Here some volunteers man/woman the hub and people come to collect the food although some volunteers will distribute it to those people who cannot get to the hub.

In this case the man lives next door to Grannygrumps1 and has benefited enormously from her kindness.

I'd give him a lot less (not cut him off completely) and find others to carry out the work so there is no obligation on either side.
If he wants more free food, perhaps he'd like to volunteer too. It sounds as if he's fit enough with spare time.

No need to fall out with him, if he says he could have done the job for less just smile. "Oh, right" is non-committal! How does he know what you paid anyway?

I hope you can find more needy people who will appreciate the food, Grannygrumps1.

I think Jesus would have done just fine, actually

"Gentle Jesus, meek and mild" is something made up by Charles Wesley.

Jesus was a rebel leader, full of fire and energy but with kindness for those in need.

Callistemon21, not sure if that was for me or biglouis

I was really only responding to the idea that Jesus would automatically be a failure in business - not to anything else about him. I do think he would have been fair however - and not "grasping".
Sorry if that wasn't clear.

Jesus would not have lasted long in business

I was responding to Biglouis, NotSpaghetti
Apologies!

Yes, I agree, he would have been fair but no pushover.
He didn't like money changers!

I would never employ someone I casually know, or neighbour, to do a job. It makes it very difficult if the jobs not done properly. So stick to your guns. As others have said, tell him that because times are particularly hard, strict rules are now in place so you are unable to continue to give him food. He's taking advantage of your good nature.

I do not like the sound of this man. If I were you I would find another good cause to give food to. I am concerned that he is pushing his way into your life. Please be careful and put some defences up unless you want him to start bullying you. If you have fresh food to give away which the food bank may not want could you eg contact the local vicar or similar who may know of families in real need.
I wouldn’t let him do any jobs for me either he sounds like a very controlling person. Keep safe.