Gransnet forums

Work/volunteering

Bullying at work

(48 Posts)
Thistle2016 Wed 04-Jan-23 20:43:40

I am the older member of my co-workers and there is a co-worker who seems to be focused on me for no apparent reason. After returning to work after Christmas shut -down it has been brought to my attention that this co-worker has created and printed and distributed to other co-workers a bingo list of phrases and words that I use. I feel targeted by this co-worker for no other reason than their personal amusement but do not know how to resolve this matter. I should add that this has impacted on me greatly and I feel targeted and have considered not returning to work for fear of being scrutinized. Any suggestions please

Daisymae Thu 05-Jan-23 18:52:30

Make a note of any incidents, dates, times who was present. Or make a note of any other action that you can recall. Record what was said or any other details. Record how it made you feel. The response is likely to be 'its was only a joke'. But you decided if it's a joke or not, if it's at your expense it's not a joke, it's not funny it is bullying/harassment/intimidation. I hope you have taken this to your manager. You could always ask a colleague to support you in the meeting.

Poppyjo Thu 05-Jan-23 19:00:06

Sorry to sound ignorant but what is a Bingo List? I have never heard this expression before.

Thistle2016 Thu 05-Jan-23 20:06:23

Thank you all for your support, I will let you know the outcome when I speak to my manager on Monday

Aveline Mon 09-Jan-23 21:26:09

How did you get on? I hope your manager was supportive.

Thistle2016 Tue 10-Jan-23 06:16:13

Thank you everyone
Yesterday I arranged a meeting with my manager who was more than supportive and is going to deal with the issue.

Thistle2016 Tue 10-Jan-23 06:19:34

Hi Poppyjo a bing list is a list of phrases, words or comments I make. Each colleague has a copy and ticks off when they hear me say something from the list and then when they have ticked everything they shout bing.

Aveline Tue 10-Jan-23 09:11:30

Glad to hear your manager is in the case. Will be interesting to see how that goes. Will you be OK with your fellow workers? I mean how comfortable will it be?

Daisymae Tue 10-Jan-23 09:41:05

Thistle2016

Thank you everyone
Yesterday I arranged a meeting with my manager who was more than supportive and is going to deal with the issue.

That's good news. I would make notes of the meeting while it's still fresh in your mind. Especially dates, time, action etc. Hopefully you will have a follow up to keep informed of progress. Well done.

Caleo Fri 13-Jan-23 23:38:07

Thistle, I am glad to hear that you are being supported.

crazyH Fri 13-Jan-23 23:42:58

Thistle So glad to hear that you are having support from your Manager

biglouis Fri 03-Feb-23 11:08:13

Bullying in the workplace does not have to be overt like threats, name calling or playing tricks on people (as in the OP). Sometimes it can be very subtle so that the victim feels foolish complaining because people will laugh it off as banter. Ot HR people will interpret it as "different styles of interaction".

Bullying can also include:-

Failure to pass on relevent information
Excluding someone from meetings/events
Blaming the other person
Nit picking their work
Constant interrupting
Disparaging personal remarks

And so on.

Merlin333 Wed 01-Mar-23 07:23:57

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

MawtheMerrier Wed 01-Mar-23 07:59:32

Reported

Marydoll Wed 01-Mar-23 08:06:52

Merlin is persistent, isn't he?

biglouis Sun 05-Mar-23 10:05:12

Best to remember that your workmates are not your friends. You did not choose them but you have to collaborate with them to do the job. The tactic is to be polite and civil but dont get too involved and stick to professional conversation. Grey rock is a wonderful technique.

Your probably right.
Thats interesting.
You have a point there.
Must get on.

And so on.

Anayare Tue 21-Mar-23 21:20:54

It's very uncomfortable. Sometimes confronting these individuals who are toxic and have nothing else to do. My neighbor is the same but I have confronted her and now when I come out to take my dogs to the yard, she goes inside. You must be ashy person. I am too and we make excellent targets. But sometimes we need to out our foot down. Observe this person and next time she starts with you, tell her/him about his/ her flaw in front of people. No one is perfect. I'm sure you'll find something wrong with her. Tell her when she displays notes, " HEY, YOU CHOSE THE Wrong CAREER, YOU SHOULD BE AT THE SUN TIMES!! A taste of her own medicine. Do it as a joke sarcastically. Good luck!! Best wishes.

Hithere Tue 21-Mar-23 23:50:58

I agree with going to hr

ElaineI Wed 22-Mar-23 00:01:30

What happened Thistle? You are absolutely right to report it! Can't believe adults would actually go along with this. It's horrible! So sorry this has happened to you flowers

lemsip Wed 22-Mar-23 00:01:31

there are so few discussion threads that old ones are being dredged up when the op has long since left.

faye17 Wed 22-Mar-23 09:13:13

The biggest problem with bullying is the collusion that seems to always accompany it.
Have the other workers no backbone or decency to call the bully out on this cowardly and despicable behaviour?

I am so sorry for the isolation you must experience in this situation OP
It is untenable.

Your employer once informed must know that until it is stopped AND publicly penalised he is not providing you with a safe place to work.

I say publicly as the colluders need to be made aware that their behaviour will not be tolerated either.

While this is all deeply unpleasant and unfair for you to have to go through I urge you to stay strong; these people are weak with unsatisfactory/unhappy lives - they see something in you that makes them feel their own deficits and react by ridiculing the very thing they secretly admire but believe they can't have.

They are to be pitied.

Let us know how things proceed and look after yourself. flowers

faye17 Wed 22-Mar-23 09:20:22

Today 00:01lemsip

'there are so few discussion threads that old ones are being dredged up when the op has long since left.'

I'm just noting the date of OP's last post now Lemsip and you're correct- she probably isn't reading this thread anymore.

However bullying is such a huge problem most people will take the opportunity to decry it.

faye17 Wed 22-Mar-23 10:03:42

I've noticed some covert bullying here on GN to the extent that some posters are either ignored or cowed into silence by mass unbridled criticism and derision.

I've also noticed very little comment on this by other posters.

The few brave comments that are made are isolated too.

It's very interesting to me that the voices so loudly heard on these other popular threads are deafening silent on a thread such as this - out of date though it may be.

Very often on popular threads the prevailing opinion is repeated & supported ad nauseum with little or no proper discussion entered into with varying opinions.

Its boring.

No surprise posters are turning to the games threads in droves.

Does anyone else find this?

Or is it just me?