Gransnet forums


Christmas work ‘do’

(44 Posts)
Enidd Tue 26-Sep-23 18:18:38

It’s at a pub I’m not particularly keen of and I don’t really want to go. I do like one or two colleagues but I’m not keen on the others, also the Manageress doesn’t like me.
If I decide to go they’ll be a £20 deposit which I can’t afford to lose.
Should I just say I’m not free that night and be done?
Feeling a bit dishonest but not keen on going.

Ailidh Tue 26-Sep-23 18:22:45

My fairly recently required technique is to say, "Thank you but I'm not able to go".

There are no stories to remember about why I'm not going, and no one has ever been rude enough to ask why.

Ailidh Tue 26-Sep-23 18:22:59


FindingNemo15 Tue 26-Sep-23 18:29:39

Nowadays I never go anywhere that I am not keen on and cannot see the point of spending time with people who I only tolerate and probably only tolerate me at the best of times.

denbylover Tue 26-Sep-23 18:30:40

Yes, be up front, Ailidh’s phrased it beautifully, ‘thank you I’m not able to go’….perfect! I no longer attend events I’d otherwise dread, life’s too short!

MayBee70 Tue 26-Sep-23 21:36:21

I used to dread them! I was always worried that nobody would want to sit next to me and, if I did sit next to someone they’d be thinking ‘ oh no, not her’. At least our bosses used to pay for us. If you don’t want to go don’t go!

Enidd Wed 27-Sep-23 17:13:58

No I can’t see the point either. I’ve told them I’m not free then and left it at that.

Imarocker Wed 27-Sep-23 18:23:36

I’m so relieved I no longer have to attend work Christmas parties.

rafichagran Wed 27-Sep-23 18:39:53

I never attended the Christmas Parties nor offered a excuse why I did not want to go. I went to the Christmas lunch as it was arranged during the working day and not the evening.

lixy Wed 27-Sep-23 18:44:45

As with others above, Ailidh's phrase deals with it beautifully. If there's a follow up why? I just smile and shrug and say 'One of those things, sorry'
No guilt at all about not going to something I'd rather not as far as work/volunteering is concerned.

HeavenLeigh Fri 29-Sep-23 12:16:34

If I didn’t want to go I just wouldn’t. Life is far too short to endure something you have no interest in.

inishowen Fri 29-Sep-23 12:27:24

I always hated work Christmas parties. I no longer work but wish I'd been upfront and said no thank you, I'm not going to be there.

Sueki44 Fri 29-Sep-23 12:30:36

“ One of the delights known to age, and beyond the grasp of youth, is that of Not Going”
JB Priestly.

This is so true!

biglouis Fri 29-Sep-23 12:40:14

There are some wonderful generic phrases (widely used on mumsnet) for politely declining unwanted invitations, favours and so on. Usually prefaced by "Thank you for asking me but ..."

That doesnt work for me
Sorry Im not free
Busy with family stuff
Not really my thing
Not hosting at this time

Followed by another good generic phrase to close the conversation "So Ill leave it with you then, bye"

SueDoku Fri 29-Sep-23 13:06:38

You could always use Peter Cook's immortal line, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm watching television that night" 😄

pinkjj27 Fri 29-Sep-23 13:15:14

My Zumba group are all very nice, but most of them are very loud and they drink a lot. I have been invited the Christmas party that I know wont me my type of fun. I just said thank you, I will not be attending, but have fun. One other girl just said not my thing. I think people feel more comfortable if you say cannot go, if then sit there on the evening looking unhappy. Never say you are not free, as I did that once and they kept moving the date so I would be free and could go .

Theexwife Fri 29-Sep-23 13:52:22

After several times saying that I am not a sociable person I rarely get invited now.

Years ago I would have made an excuse, no transport or wrong date but people would often come up with a solution so found it easier to be honest.

maddyone Fri 29-Sep-23 13:59:04

I didn’t go to a few of the Christmas do’s when I was teaching. A lot of them drank quite a bit and I didn’t, and they chose places where a big price bought the food and all you could drink. So I stopped going. I used to go before when we just went to a nice restaurant. I didn’t miss going, just glad I didn’t pay out a lot of money for others to drink excessively.

ginny Fri 29-Sep-23 14:01:28

I agree just say you won’t be going. No one else’s business why .
These days I am not antisocial just selectively social.

grandtanteJE65 Fri 29-Sep-23 14:03:54

One of the inummerable blessings of retirement is not having to go to office dos!

Allow regret to show plainly on your face and in your voice, when you say that the date of the office do coincides with a prior engagement, and that you hope they will all enjoy themselves.

Remember to have a suitable account to give of your delightful evening with an old school-friend when you go back to work after Christmas.

Or if your powers of invention are not up to the task, say it had to be put off, due to your friend coming down with the flu!

Dickens Fri 29-Sep-23 15:01:37

Just politely say "that's a kind invitation, thank you. I won't be able to attend, but I hope you all enjoy the evening".

Who's going to argue with that?

And if someone has the nerve to ask "why" just look at them meaningfully and say, equally politely, "because I'm going to be doing something else on that night".

... which is the truth. You will be doing something else - even if it's only sitting with your feet up in front of the TV. grin

Tilly8 Fri 29-Sep-23 15:33:09

One of the benefits of retirement (and there are many as you know) is never having to go to another Christmas works do - especially my husband's. I dreaded them every year. I'm not a confident, sociable person and everyone else seemed younger, better dressed and over excited. Thank goodness those days are over!!

AGAA4 Fri 29-Sep-23 16:01:52

I gave up going to work parties a long time ago. I didn't enjoy them so it was pointless. The last one I went to the people who got ato the buffet first took most of the food and came away with plates piled high. When I got to the front there was only a forlorn sausage roll and a few crisps left. There were still quite a few people waiting for food behind me so I was fed up and hungry!

NotSpaghetti Fri 29-Sep-23 16:09:59

I did one and then forever after said straight out "No. Thanks for asking though, they really aren't my thing"

People I liked (in my office) tried to persuade me for a couple of years but I'd just say "no thank you!".. and laugh a bit. Subsequent years they would say (when they asked me again) "we'd like you there but know you don't want to come" and I'd say something like "well no, but I hope you have fun!"

If you say it straight off nobody cares. They just want numbers.

Sarahr Fri 29-Sep-23 16:26:30

Just say you can't go, but hope everyone has a great time.