Christmas work ‘do’

I’d be honest and say I didn’t want to go. If you don’t like the venue or even colleagues why stress and spend your hard earned cash on it. I think these sorts of do are a bit out of touch now. My old company just gave us a day off for Christmas shopping which was appreciated by many and if the guys wanted to go for a drink anyone could go. No pressure.

I dreaded them too, and made every excuse, usually then getting talked into going each year. I wish I had had Ailidh's wonderful response at the tip of my tongue. I found the problem was that, apart from work, there was so little in common with many colleagues. The ones I did get on well with I have met often since retiring, but the Christmas 'do' was always such a strain.

In my time I have attended quite a few work Xmas do's and some of them have been great but some not so much fun! I really think you don't have to go. Just say you don't really like social events or invent an excuse but don't force yourself to go to something you might hate.

I have no problem in saying No to that kind of office do, I am polite but just say I am unable to go. If there are just a couple of people that you would like to have a meal with but dont like or want to go with the whole office, I have said in the past, I wonder if you would be free to have a meal with just us 3/4 or whatever in the middle of January? We have done it a few times and we worked out where we wanted to go, paid a deposit in advance and it worked well. The restaurants were pleased to have the business, it wasnt overcrowded and you were not stuck with a boring menu! In actual fact I did have a very good "excuse" reason. As I am a singer, I would be in several concerts over that very short time and of course that meant many rehearsals too so I used to end up swearing I would never let myself get booked in for so many concerts again next year., but then people knew what I did and understood and accepted that I wasnt free. Given the circumstances at present I think I would also be prepared to be clear and say with the cost of living etc I am concentrating on the family this year. Truthful and inoffensive I would have thought and you will probably find that other people would also be glad that you have said that and would join in and agree to forgo the "do" !

I think that one of the benefits of being older or "the boss" is that you can decline politely without giving offence. People may, in fact, be quite relieved that you cant go!

I can remember inviting my boss to an all female night out to celebrate my 17th birthday and the fact that I had passed my first professional exam. He politely declined on the grounds that it "Sounded like a ladies night out". He was quite a bit older than the rest of us so we all understood. Another time I asked the head of department to a night out which included drinks and a club. She also declined politely on the grounds that she was "not into the pub scene." I think they appreciated the courtesy of being asked. I was brought up to believe that it was very rude to invite everyone in the group or office save one or two people.

No doubt some troll will pop up at this point and say I am being ageist. However in those days there was a perceived social distance between the more senior and younger staff members and people tended to respect that,

In one of my academic postings we had a meeting in a pub or club with business people every few months. It was part of the job to attend and "show your face". I used to quietly slope off after about 9 pm on the grounds that I lived on an infrequent bus route. Of course I caught a taxi but the others didnt know that. Standing at bus stops in Manchester city center at night is not a fun thing to do.

Can I offer to replace you! So fed up of TV night after night. Used to love the Christmas parties in the City. I stayed fairly sober and loved watching the goings on and new affairs.

Now I'm retired my "Christmas do" is a meal out with 3 friends I've known for over 60 years. A nice meal, lots of talk, and we meet for lunch so there's no driving home in the dark. This is a party I really look forward to.

It's quite liberating isn't it when you eventually pluck up the courage to say 'no'?! Oh yes! If I'd realised how liberating it was to simply firmly decline I'd have done it years earlier!

Rosie51

Dickens

In my final place of employment - in Norway - every year our managers / owners of the company arranged for all the staff and their partners (plus children) to have a weekend away up in the mountains in a hotel - all expenses paid, including the pre-dinner-drinks on tab.

If it all got a bit too much we could escape to our rooms, or go for walks - at night there were brightly lit ski and walking trails.

These were Christmas office 'parties' I always enjoyed!

www.geilo.com/sites/cb_geilo/files/styles/slide_large/http/images.citybreak.com/5035937.jpeg?h=790e157f&itok=9DVSz_-7

Now that's a Christmas work do I'd have happily attended! How lucky were you? My works 'parties' usually involved a meal of a cuisine I'm not fond of and never normally eat, and some people drinking far too much as the bill was equally shared! Eventually I found the courage to say it wasn't my thing.

Yes - I remember those Christmas work parties, too - previously. And watching some drink far too much, for the same reason.

It's quite liberating isn't it when you eventually pluck up the courage to say 'no'?! Especially when you're routinely asked out of courtesy, without the expectation that you'll agree.

The company in Norway was quite small and the 'culture' was very family-oriented (we would socialise outside of work), but I was always grateful for those weekends, though the long drive up to Geilo on snowy and icy roads was a tad nerve-wracking.

Dickens

In my final place of employment - in Norway - every year our managers / owners of the company arranged for all the staff and their partners (plus children) to have a weekend away up in the mountains in a hotel - all expenses paid, including the pre-dinner-drinks on tab.

If it all got a bit too much we could escape to our rooms, or go for walks - at night there were brightly lit ski and walking trails.

These were Christmas office 'parties' I always enjoyed!

www.geilo.com/sites/cb_geilo/files/styles/slide_large/http/images.citybreak.com/5035937.jpeg?h=790e157f&itok=9DVSz_-7

Now that's a Christmas work do I'd have happily attended! How lucky were you? My works 'parties' usually involved a meal of a cuisine I'm not fond of and never normally eat, and some people drinking far too much as the bill was equally shared! Eventually I found the courage to say it wasn't my thing.

Hated them too

You could say you are already eating out twice that week with family and friends... you couldn’t possibly stomach a third time

Thankfully I no longer have the problem but in the last few years of working I plucked up the courage to say no thank you to invitations I really didn't want to go to I found it quite empowering not to have to think up excuses

Don't pretend you are busy, just say it's not your thing, sorry. If you say you are busy, the problem just comes back next year.

I used to enjoy our Christmas doo’s at the hospital where I worked! Happy Days.

Harris27

My dilemma has been for a few years now, I’m fairly young at heart and get on with the girls I work with but really don’t want to be going to bottomless brunches and wild do,s. This year I’m opting out and sticking to my guns!

bottomless brunches

I had to google that

... phew, what a relief to discover what it meant - as opposed to what I thought it meant.

You really do learn something new everyday - maybe I need to get out more!

My dilemma has been for a few years now, I’m fairly young at heart and get on with the girls I work with but really don’t want to be going to bottomless brunches and wild do,s. This year I’m opting out and sticking to my guns!

In the six years when the school I worked in was more of a democracy and the staff all got along and supported each other, the Christmas Do was a joy.

It really depends on how you feel about the folk you work with.

If you don't want to go, just use the expression that has already been mentioned and approved.

In my final place of employment - in Norway - every year our managers / owners of the company arranged for all the staff and their partners (plus children) to have a weekend away up in the mountains in a hotel - all expenses paid, including the pre-dinner-drinks on tab.

If it all got a bit too much we could escape to our rooms, or go for walks - at night there were brightly lit ski and walking trails.

These were Christmas office 'parties' I always enjoyed!

www.geilo.com/sites/cb_geilo/files/styles/slide_large/http/images.citybreak.com/5035937.jpeg?h=790e157f&itok=9DVSz_-7

inishowen

I always hated work Christmas parties. I no longer work but wish I'd been upfront and said no thank you, I'm not going to be there.

Me too!
Basically shy and unable to drink very much I never felt comfortable at school staff parties. While happy enough to sit with colleagues and share a chat at break time, once the decs went up and the music started I would feel like a fish out of water.
So glad those days are gone.
My advice - just say no !

Just say you can't go, but hope everyone has a great time.

I did one and then forever after said straight out "No. Thanks for asking though, they really aren't my thing"

People I liked (in my office) tried to persuade me for a couple of years but I'd just say "no thank you!".. and laugh a bit. Subsequent years they would say (when they asked me again) "we'd like you there but know you don't want to come" and I'd say something like "well no, but I hope you have fun!"

If you say it straight off nobody cares. They just want numbers.

I gave up going to work parties a long time ago. I didn't enjoy them so it was pointless. The last one I went to the people who got ato the buffet first took most of the food and came away with plates piled high. When I got to the front there was only a forlorn sausage roll and a few crisps left. There were still quite a few people waiting for food behind me so I was fed up and hungry!

One of the benefits of retirement (and there are many as you know) is never having to go to another Christmas works do - especially my husband's. I dreaded them every year. I'm not a confident, sociable person and everyone else seemed younger, better dressed and over excited. Thank goodness those days are over!!

Just politely say "that's a kind invitation, thank you. I won't be able to attend, but I hope you all enjoy the evening".

Who's going to argue with that?

And if someone has the nerve to ask "why" just look at them meaningfully and say, equally politely, "because I'm going to be doing something else on that night".

... which is the truth. You will be doing something else - even if it's only sitting with your feet up in front of the TV.

One of the inummerable blessings of retirement is not having to go to office dos!

Allow regret to show plainly on your face and in your voice, when you say that the date of the office do coincides with a prior engagement, and that you hope they will all enjoy themselves.

Remember to have a suitable account to give of your delightful evening with an old school-friend when you go back to work after Christmas.

Or if your powers of invention are not up to the task, say it had to be put off, due to your friend coming down with the flu!