Survey reveals over a quarter of relationships are sexless

sex and relationships

We reveal the truth about sex, and a lack of it, in relationships. See the full results of our survey below.

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What is your relationship status?
	Total
Married or in a civil partnership	72%
Co-habiting	21%
In a relationship - not co-habiting	7%
Single	0%
Divorced/separated	0%
Widowed	0%
Other	0%

How long have you been in your relationship?
	Total
Under 1 year	3%
At least 1 year but less than 3 years	6%
At least 3 years but less than 5 years	8%
At least 5 years but less than 7 years	8%
At least 7 years but less than 10 years	14%
At least 10 years but less than 20 years	38%
20 years or more	24%

How would you define sex (or what does the word sex mean to you)? Please tick all that apply.
	Total
Penetration	91%
Other forms of physical intimacy	55%
Cuddling	6%
Feeling connected in other ways	7%

Which of the below most closely describes how you feel about the amount of sex with your partner in your relationship?
	Total
Net: would like more	52%
Net: would like less	6%
I would like a lot more	11%
I would like a bit more	42%
I am completely happy with the amount	39%
I would like a bit less	4%
I would like a lot less	2%
Other	3%

Which of the below most closely describes how satisfied you are with the quality of sex with your partner in your relationship?
	Total
Net: satisfied	75%
Net: dissatisfied	15%
Very satisfied	38%
Somewhat satisfied	38%
Neither satisfied nor dissatisfied	10%
Somewhat dissatisfied	10%
Very dissatisfied	5%

Which of the below most closely describes how your partner feels about the amount of sex in your relationship?
	Total
Net: they would like more	68%
Net: they would like less	1%
They would like a lot more	29%
They would like a bit more	40%
They are completely happy with the amount	21%
They would like a bit less	1%
They would like a lot less	0%
I don't know	9%
Other	1%

Which of the below most closely describes how satisfied your partner is with the quality of sex in your relationship?
	Total
Net: satisfied	72%
Net: dissatisfied	11%
Very satisfied	38%
Somewhat satisfied	35%
Neither satisfied nor dissatisfied	4%
Somewhat dissatisfied	7%
Very dissatisfied	3%
I don't know	13%

If you're having less sex than either you or your partner would like, why would you say that this is? Please tick all that apply.
	Total
I'm too tired	56%
Young children in the way	44%
My partner is too tired	35%
I feel self-conscious of my body	30%
Different bedtimes	27%
It's just not a priority for me	26%
I've lost my libido since having children	24%
Physical or mental health issues	21%
I am too stressed	17%
Lack of intimacy in the relationship	17%
My partner is too stressed	13%
Sex is painful or physically uncomfortable for me	13%
I've lost my libido for other reasons	13%
I'd rather read a good book	10%
I'm just too busy	10%
I've lost my libido since the menopause	9%
It's not a priority for my partner	9%
Technology	8%
My partner has lost their libido for other reasons	8%
Physical changes after the onset of a long-term condition	7%
My partner is just too busy	7%
I don't find my partner attractive any more	5%
My partner feels self-conscious about their body	4%
My partner has lost their libido since having children	3%
My partner doesn't find me attractive any more	3%
Sex is painful or physically uncomfortable for my partner	1%
Other	10%

Which of the following statements comes closest to reflecting your experience when it comes to talking about sex - the quality of sex and/or the amount you have - with your current partner?
	Total
Net: talk about it frequently or occasionally	64%
We talk about it frequently	17%
We talk about it occasionally	47%
We talk about it very rarely	25%
We never talk about it	10%
Other	1%

Have you ever argued with your partner about the amount of sex that you have in your relationship?
	Total
Yes	38%
No	62%

How many times would you estimate that you've had sex in the last week?
	Total
I haven't	48%
Once	27%
Twice	13%
Three times	7%
Four times	3%
Five times	1%
More than five times	1%

And approximately how many times would you estimate that you've had sex in the last year?
	Total
I haven't	8%
Less than 10 times	20%
10-15 times	11%
15-20 times	10%
20-30 times	9%
30-50 times	13%
50-100 times	16%
100-200 times	10%
More than 200 times	3%

Have you ever been in a relationship where lack of sex played a part in the ending of the relationship?
	Total
Yes	17%
No	83%

How likely are you to openly and honestly discuss the amount of sex you have in your relationship with the following groups of people...
	Total
Friends
Net: likely	44%
Net: unlikely	46%
Very likely	15%
Somewhat likely	29%
Neither likely nor unlikely	10%
Somewhat unlikely	20%
Very unlikely	27%

Older family members (e.g. parent, aunt)
Net: likely	5%
Net: unlikely	91%
Very likely	1%
Somewhat likely	4%
Neither likely nor unlikely	4%
Somewhat unlikely	11%
Very unlikely	79%

Family members of around the same age (e.g. sister, cousin)
Net: likely	18%
Net: unlikely	71%
Very likely	5%
Somewhat likely	13%
Neither likely nor unlikely	10%
Somewhat unlikely	18%
Very unlikely	53%

Anonymously online, on sites like Mumsnet/Gransnet
Net: likely	44%
Net: unlikely	36%
Very likely	11%
Somewhat likely	33%
Neither likely nor unlikely	20%
Somewhat unlikely	18%
Very unlikely	17%

Counsellor/ sex therapist
Net: likely	31%
Net: unlikely	48%
Very likely	10%
Somewhat likely	21%
Neither likely nor unlikely	21%
Somewhat unlikely	13%
Very unlikely	35%

Please state the extent that you agree or disagree with the below statements
	Total
I get the impression I'm having less sex than everyone else
Net: agree	47%
Net: disagree	27%
Strongly agree	20%
Somewhat agree	26%
Neither agree nor disagree	26%
Somewhat disagree	20%
Strongly disagree	7%

There's a gap between how the frequency of sex in relationships is portrayed in the media and reality
Net: agree	77%
Net: disagree	2%
Strongly agree	33%
Somewhat agree	44%
Neither agree nor disagree	21%
Somewhat disagree	1%
Strongly disagree	1%

Talking to friends and family about the amount of sex you're having is taboo
Net: agree	45%
Net: disagree	29%
Strongly agree	13%
Somewhat agree	32%
Neither agree nor disagree	25%
Somewhat disagree	22%
Strongly disagree	7%

I think people feel comfortable talking to friends and family about the amount of sex in their relationships
Net: agree	19%
Net: disagree	57%
Strongly agree	3%
Somewhat agree	16%
Neither agree nor disagree	24%
Somewhat disagree	39%
Strongly disagree	18%

Do you think that you have more, less or about the same amount of sex in your relationship as people of a similar age?
	Total
I think I have more	11%
I think I have about the same	31%
I think I have less	47%
I don't know	11%

If you or your partner have ever felt like you're not having enough sex in your relationship, have you ever thought about going or gone for counselling or sex therapy to address this?
	Total
Yes - we have gone	3%
Yes - we have thought about it	11%
No	86%

How important or unimportant is it to you to feel emotionally connected to your partner while having sex?
	Total
Net: important	96%
Net: not important	4%
Very important	69%
Somewhat important	27%
Not very important	3%
Not at all important	1%

Survey of 2,005 Mumsnet and Gransnet users who are in a relationship between 18th April and 11th May 2018.

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