Not met granddaughter yet

Oh jojo I have just had a similar conversation about my latest GS who was born nearly 4 weeks ago - despite being up there to look after number 1 while DD went into hospital, I came home the next day without getting to see him as daytime visiting was restricted to partners and had to wait for 3 days to be "asked up". Modern parents do make more of a thing about the "bonding" than I think we did, we just got on with it and in the absence of fathers who had gone back to work, we were grateful for what ever help we could get! My darling SIL is quite a hands on dad and had his 2 weeks' paternity leave but at least my offer of help was accepted to get DD through his first day back at work!! I think men can feel very left out if there are too many women around and they don't realise that we will hoover/ cook/ shop / do anything to help, we don't just want to muscle in on baby-cuddling or expect to be entertained! The other Grans make me laugh though, they have years of wisdom!! I think, being serious, that becoming a parent is such a big thing, new parents are very sensitive particularly to their own parents and possibly worried that they might be seen not to be doing things "properly". They also just want to gaze adoringly at their new baby. As for fb - that is their generation isn't it? Makes me mad.
Congratulations on becoming a member of the best club in the world .

Have patience Jojo. Breastfeeding is hard work in the beginning and the new MUMs spend a lot of time half undressed, hair a mess and trying to satisfy a new baby and worrying if everything is going right. My daughter is a midwife and she advises: the first week only new Mum and new Dad and HER mother.

Step back and go when invited and don't take so much stuff. A new born doesn't need presents - open a bank account. There will be days when they are Soooo thankful to have you take baby off their hands for an hour or two.

I can understand the feelings on both sides of this story. It's difficult to please everyone in this situation. After waiting all through the PG for the day you meet it's hard to wait still further, but it will be worth the life time of love

I didn't see my GS until he was 6wks. As he was born in Germany (SIL in the army). This was the earliest we could arrange the trip. However we had seen him via webcam. Is this possible for you??

I felt really sorry for my brother this year. His son only lives 20miles away. But because his son's mother remarried when sons were 12 and 14, and son only contacts my brother when he wants something, he had to wait 5mths to be intoduced to his GD and then it was in a shopping centre, babys mum didn't come and gave the dad a time limit for how long he could be away !!!!!!

jojoI can well imagine how you're feeling...giddy with excitement and wanting to hold your wee grandchild for the very first time. It's so very difficult to have to stand to one side and wait for an 'invitation' when all you want to do is burst through the door, laden with gifts, and hug the baby. That time will come. You will have the special introduction to the newest member of the family. You will be able to ooh and ahh and smile until your jaws ache. Very soon, the reality of being new parents will prompt such requests as - would you take baby for a walk [we're dog tired] - could you help with this, that and the other [we can't find the time] and you'll enjoy every moment of being the marvellous grandparents you long to be. We've all been there. You and your husband have so much to look forward to. Many congratulations

Paternity leave puts a different slant on things. When I had my children DH did not take any time off work, I even had the second one on a saturday so as not to complicate things. My MIL was my angel, if she had not visited every day I would never have managed. A tiny toddler and having a 9 pound baby at home was a lot to cope with at Christmas.

I feel sad for you but it will all come right - it's such a fine line we tread at times. Perhaps she wants to establish breast-feeding and, as most of us know, that's not always easy.

As a new mum I thought I should know it all but I knew NOTHING and felt quite embarrassed by my ignorance.

Much as I think it a bit hard on you not to be allowed a brief visit I can't help wishing I'd had such a considerate MIL as you jojo Your putting them first is sure to win you lots of brownie points in the future.

Why don't you and DH open a bottle of wine and enjoy the flowers yourself - a week will pass soon

jojo, please dont get upset about this. Everyone has different ways and although your feelings are very strong at the moment dont let them spoil the many many years of wonderfuly happy times you will have.
My own daughter had her second baby a couple of months ago and we got to see her for a half an hour or so because we had been looking after big brother and had taken him back when we had got the 'all clear'. We did not see them again for at least a fortnight but exchanged daily phone calls full of chatter and baby gurglings in the background. I was just happy all sounded well and we took our cue from them.

I am so glad I did because a month or so later she was talking about how she had coped with the first week or so after the birth and said how glad she was that she had been able to settle in quietly with the new baby with just her son and husband around. Her words were along the lines that although all had gone pretty well she had felt a bit like an injured animal (stiches, all and sundry poking around down below etc etc) and withdrawing to the privacy of her own home and just relaxing had been very important to her.

I am sure once things have settled down you will soon get the chance to meet your new granddaughter and also enter into a whole new wonderful relationship with your son and his wife.

Yes well quite. But there you go. Neither can I, but ours not to reason why...

I think there is a bit of a difference between not rushing in to help and not being allowed to see the baby though..... I can't quite see how a short visit gets in the way of "bonding". Having said that I didn't see my youngest DGD for four months as they live abroad - it was all the more special when we did meet.

And "fair dos" to the dads who feel like they don't want to be pushed into a back seat role at this stage, which can happen if mums rush in to help.
Beats the hell out of the down the pub(or worse) and won't change a nappy brigade doesn't it.
Of course the down side is that dads don't have a clue about new babies or breastfeeding...

hi 37 years ago my husband asked if we could not have my mother for the first week after the baby was born. She was very sniffy about being asked to wait but I thought he wasn't being unreasonable. My mum forgave me , came for the second week of Becky's life and all was well.

I think this notion (need a week to bond) is in fashion at the moment. Maybe to do with the fact that paternity leave now exists. Tough for grandparents, but there are times when it is very tough. Our "grownup" children have some growing up to do... which they do in their own ways and at their own pace - and suddenly, just when we were getting complacent, dammit, we find that we have some more growing up to do ourselves. So unfair!
Count your blessings if they have a healthy baby and mum. It does not always work out like that.

jojo The other grans have pretty much said it all. However, I couldn't help smiling at the suggestion of needing a week to get into a routine. Bless. Anyway, all good wishes and welcome to grannydom.

Congratulations jojo and I empathise....I had to wait two weeks to visit my son and DiL and my new GD and it is very hard. Not my 1st GC (4th) but my DS's 1st baby. You need to be guided by what your DS and DiL have requested, at least you know they're not making different rules for you and the other GP's. My DS also communicates via text, email and FB but that is what they do now. I don't think it will be long before they'll be begging you to take over for an hour or two so sit tight

Congratulations jojo dont be too disappointed I think their call for help will be any time now! As your DIL included you during her pregnancy she will soon be requesting your help and advice. Your time with your GD is just about to begin enjoy all the lovely cuddles you will get.

Whole different ball game when it comes to second child. I moved in the day of admission to hospital and stayed a week. First child needed to be cared for and taken to nursery, fed, bathed and put to bed otherwise father couldn't be at hospital. If we could just put an old head on young shoulders

So sorry for you jojo, but if you take a long view, a week is a short time in a child's life even though it may seem like an eternity to you. I'm sure they will come to welcome your support, especially when Dad's paternity leave runs out.

....and don't forget - things said on one day will not necessarily apply the next. Especially on those couple of days when milk is starting to flow, hormones changing rapidly, and nothing suits the new mum who can be in floods of tears and not wanting to be seen as not coping. Whatever is said around that time is not always meant a day or so after.....

Congratulations jojo! Can you picture in your mind this little group: mum, dad and little, tiny baby? The overwhelming emotions they'll be feeling, they may not want to share just now....? However, the real world will kick in very soon! Nappies to be bought (the right ones, not the ones that your son will get from the wrong shop...tiny vests with just the right neck, because none of those were given before the wee one was born...!) Hold on to your hat - any minute now...! As harrigran said, "Bite your tongue"! Enjoy every minute - many cuddles are on their way!

Oh dear, you're obviously very disappointed and we can all understand that. (((hug)))
I think that as you have already bought flowers there would be no reason not to phone and say that you won't come in, but ask if it's okay to drop the flowers off. A first baby can be overwhelming for the parents and as you've obviously been included in the pregnancy I don't think there's any agenda other than they want to absorb this major event together before sharing it. Grannydom is wonderful and we look forward to hearing how the first meeting goes.

Hahaha harrigran that so reminds me of my family. The constant refrain of 'yes, mum, we DO have enough sheets for the moses basket' was soon muffled when the twin babies were sick, wee'd and poo'd all over the place several times in the space of a couple of hours and they found themselves folding up cot sheets until nana arrived with new supplies. You'll look back and smile 'jojo' and resist the temptation to say 'I told you so!' They won't be able to get you round there quick enough. Enjoy your new grandaughter - I'm sure you will see her very soon

Congratulations jojo, I was in the same position with first DGD, she was 48 hours before I saw her. I was told the same story no help needed we are able to manage. No they couldn't and I ended up helping every day for a week. During the pregnancy I asked repeatedly " have you enough cot linen, clothes etc etc?" and of course they didn't, I was at Mamas and Papas waiting for them to open on a monday morning after the birth and also seeking out sleepsuits because the baby was swamped in the first size.
I know it is difficult jojo but bite your tongue and enjoy the time you do have with baby

Baby is lovely news for everyone.jogginggirl says it all. Its a very hormonal time for all the women in the family,best to take your lead from the new Mum and get it right from the start.You'll be a fantastic gran!

Congratulations jojo on the birth of your new grandchild. I can imagine it is hard to be waiting to be allowed to see the baby. I hope it all works out well and the time flies by for you. xx

Don't worry jojo - I don't think the desire to 'bond' is that unusual. It happened with our first g/c - my son's daughter. We respected that this was a huge event in their lives also but the phone call came within days - when we met our g/d for the first time it was so emotional that I could understand their need to take just a little time before they invited the world in........
My d/d, on the other hand - couldn't get us to the hospital fast enough after she had given birth........everybody's different..........and new mums can be very vulnerable can't they........?
As many have already said, your help will be invaluable before long, all that ironing, vacuuming etc., will give you plenty of time for cuddles with the little one......Enjoy it when your time comes x