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Not met granddaughter yet

(58 Posts)
jojo Fri 09-Dec-11 06:22:19

Our first grandchild was born 2 days ago & we thought we would meet her yesterday, but son & DIL have indicated they want a week to bond on their own & get into a routine. We are so upset as had rushed around yesterday buying cards,presents, flowers & hubby had made one of his special cottage pies to take round for them. I knew they didn't want lots of visitors straight after the birth but didn't dream this meant grandparents too. I had also saved lots of holiday time at work to help DIL but it doesn't seem I will be needed. (DIL's mum lives a long way away & cannot get to visit often, she has been told to visit after Christmas).
I didn't want to interfere but just pop in for an hour or so now & again to make them a meal, put some washing on or be on hand so DIL could have a relaxing bath or a couple of hours sleep. I don't understand as DIL had included me a lot during pregnancy by inviting me to ante natal classes my son couldn't attend & always encouraging me to feel bump when there was movement.
Also upset as we heard about birth by text rather than a call & also discovered they had announced it on FB many hours before bothering to phone the great grandma & great grandpa who were amongst the last to know!
I am yearning to meet the baby but I'm trying not to be upset & to focus on the wonderful years ahead we will have. Any advice from experienced grannies? (Please go easy on me - first post!)

Mamie Fri 09-Dec-11 06:53:51

It is hard, but I would just give it a bit of time. I would let them know that you understand and will be there whenever they need you. I am pretty sure that once reality sets in they will forget all the bonding stuff and be grateful for all the help they can get. Congratulations and good luck!

nannym Fri 09-Dec-11 07:00:30

I echo that. A text to your son saying something along the lines of hoping all is going well and that baby is doing well and asking if they need any shopping perhaps?

Butternut Fri 09-Dec-11 07:45:11


Your grandchild is well, your daughter-in-law and son are well, and you have many years ahead to enjoy and delight in your grandchild. A few days now makes v. little difference. Let them bond as a family, there will be plenty of time for you soon.

Carol Fri 09-Dec-11 07:56:33

As nannym has said, make an offer to help in some way, which will remind them you are there. Perhaps say 'so looking forward to meeting new grandaughter.' And as Mamie says, when reality sets in they will be yelling for you to come running. New parents start off with all sorts of ideas about how to perfect the bonding process, and they go straight out of the window within days. Often, the ideas are one of the couple's and the other goes along with them so they can be supportive. The reality of lost sleep and extreme fatigue soon alters those plans. I do hope you get to enjoy your new grandaughter very soon thanks

shysal Fri 09-Dec-11 08:04:23

I feel for you jojo. It is understandable that you feel hurt. I hope you will soon get to see your new granddaughter. I expect your son and daughter-in-law have tunnel vision at the moment, concentrating on the rather scary task of caring for a new baby. Once they start to relax I am sure they will be anxious to show her off. You have years of fun ahead of you, but I know how difficult it will be to have patience!
Do you know the name yet? Keep us posted, it will help to let out your feelings on here. thanks

kittylester Fri 09-Dec-11 08:13:13

That is sad jojo. It would have been lovely to see the baby soon after birth and to exclaim that she looks like someone on OUR side of the family (or is that just me?) but please don't take it to heart. As everyone else says, they will be so glad of your presence before too long and, also as others have said, you have years ahead of you to get to know the little person. Do tell us what she is called. thanks

Libradi Fri 09-Dec-11 08:37:30

Oh jojo having just become a granny again myself I feel so sorry that you've not been able to visit and see your DGD. I'm sure they will soon want to show her off and include you in their little family.

As far as texts and fb are concerned I'm afraid it's what they all do now and the quickest way of letting people know their news.
Sending you ((huggs)) and hope that you get to meet your DGD very soon.

jogginggirl Fri 09-Dec-11 08:41:09

Don't worry jojo - I don't think the desire to 'bond' is that unusual. It happened with our first g/c - my son's daughter. We respected that this was a huge event in their lives also but the phone call came within days - when we met our g/d for the first time it was so emotional that I could understand their need to take just a little time before they invited the world in........
My d/d, on the other hand - couldn't get us to the hospital fast enough after she had given birth........everybody's different..........and new mums can be very vulnerable can't they........?
As many have already said, your help will be invaluable before long, all that ironing, vacuuming etc., will give you plenty of time for cuddles with the little one......Enjoy it when your time comes thanks x

Faye Fri 09-Dec-11 08:42:38

Congratulations jojo on the birth of your new grandchild. I can imagine it is hard to be waiting to be allowed to see the baby. I hope it all works out well and the time flies by for you. xx thanks

Grannylin Fri 09-Dec-11 09:08:01

Baby is lovely news for everyone.jogginggirl says it all. Its a very hormonal time for all the women in the family,best to take your lead from the new Mum and get it right from the start.You'll be a fantastic gran!wink

harrigran Fri 09-Dec-11 09:13:31

Congratulations jojo, I was in the same position with first DGD, she was 48 hours before I saw her. I was told the same story no help needed we are able to manage. No they couldn't and I ended up helping every day for a week. During the pregnancy I asked repeatedly " have you enough cot linen, clothes etc etc?" and of course they didn't, I was at Mamas and Papas waiting for them to open on a monday morning after the birth and also seeking out sleepsuits because the baby was swamped in the first size.
I know it is difficult jojo but bite your tongue and enjoy the time you do have with baby thanks smile

Carol Fri 09-Dec-11 09:21:01

Hahaha harrigran that so reminds me of my family. The constant refrain of 'yes, mum, we DO have enough sheets for the moses basket' was soon muffled when the twin babies were sick, wee'd and poo'd all over the place several times in the space of a couple of hours and they found themselves folding up cot sheets until nana arrived with new supplies. You'll look back and smile 'jojo' and resist the temptation to say 'I told you so!' They won't be able to get you round there quick enough. Enjoy your new grandaughter - I'm sure you will see her very soon thanks

grannyactivist Fri 09-Dec-11 09:21:35

Oh dear, you're obviously very disappointed and we can all understand that. (((hug)))
I think that as you have already bought flowers there would be no reason not to phone and say that you won't come in, but ask if it's okay to drop the flowers off. A first baby can be overwhelming for the parents and as you've obviously been included in the pregnancy I don't think there's any agenda other than they want to absorb this major event together before sharing it. Grannydom is wonderful and we look forward to hearing how the first meeting goes. smile

greenmossgiel Fri 09-Dec-11 09:32:20

Congratulations jojo! Can you picture in your mind this little group: mum, dad and little, tiny baby? The overwhelming emotions they'll be feeling, they may not want to share just now....? However, the real world will kick in very soon! Nappies to be bought (the right ones, not the ones that your son will get from the wrong shop...tiny vests with just the right neck, because none of those were given before the wee one was born...!) Hold on to your hat - any minute now...! As harrigran said, "Bite your tongue"! Enjoy every minute - many cuddles are on their way! smilethanks

Carol Fri 09-Dec-11 09:38:23

....and don't forget - things said on one day will not necessarily apply the next. Especially on those couple of days when milk is starting to flow, hormones changing rapidly, and nothing suits the new mum who can be in floods of tears and not wanting to be seen as not coping. Whatever is said around that time is not always meant a day or so after.....

Annobel Fri 09-Dec-11 09:49:44

So sorry for you jojo, but if you take a long view, a week is a short time in a child's life even though it may seem like an eternity to you. I'm sure they will come to welcome your support, especially when Dad's paternity leave runs out.

harrigran Fri 09-Dec-11 09:55:33

Whole different ball game when it comes to second child. I moved in the day of admission to hospital and stayed a week. First child needed to be cared for and taken to nursery, fed, bathed and put to bed otherwise father couldn't be at hospital. If we could just put an old head on young shoulders smile

glassortwo Fri 09-Dec-11 10:20:29

Congratulations jojo dont be too disappointed I think their call for help will be any time now! As your DIL included you during her pregnancy she will soon be requesting your help and advice. Your time with your GD is just about to begin smile enjoy all the lovely cuddles you will get. thanks thanks

lucid Fri 09-Dec-11 10:41:09

Congratulations jojo and I empathise....I had to wait two weeks to visit my son and DiL and my new GD and it is very hard. Not my 1st GC (4th) but my DS's 1st baby. You need to be guided by what your DS and DiL have requested, at least you know they're not making different rules for you and the other GP's. My DS also communicates via text, email and FB but that is what they do now. I don't think it will be long before they'll be begging you to take over for an hour or two so sit tight thanks

absentgrana Fri 09-Dec-11 11:32:57

jojo The other grans have pretty much said it all. However, I couldn't help smiling at the suggestion of needing a week to get into a routine. Bless. Anyway, all good wishes and welcome to grannydom.

JessM Fri 09-Dec-11 11:56:18

I think this notion (need a week to bond) is in fashion at the moment. Maybe to do with the fact that paternity leave now exists. Tough for grandparents, but there are times when it is very tough. Our "grownup" children have some growing up to do... which they do in their own ways and at their own pace - and suddenly, just when we were getting complacent, dammit, we find that we have some more growing up to do ourselves. So unfair!
Count your blessings if they have a healthy baby and mum. It does not always work out like that.

pattie Fri 09-Dec-11 15:15:14

hi 37 years ago my husband asked if we could not have my mother for the first week after the baby was born. She was very sniffy about being asked to wait but I thought he wasn't being unreasonable. My mum forgave me , came for the second week of Becky's life and all was well.

JessM Fri 09-Dec-11 15:48:49

And "fair dos" to the dads who feel like they don't want to be pushed into a back seat role at this stage, which can happen if mums rush in to help.
Beats the hell out of the down the pub(or worse) and won't change a nappy brigade doesn't it.
Of course the down side is that dads don't have a clue about new babies or breastfeeding...

Mamie Fri 09-Dec-11 16:01:19

I think there is a bit of a difference between not rushing in to help and not being allowed to see the baby though..... I can't quite see how a short visit gets in the way of "bonding". Having said that I didn't see my youngest DGD for four months as they live abroad - it was all the more special when we did meet.