Cross wife

I think all men have 'selected deafness' don't they?

nan I read bits out to DH sometimes but it is OK if he wasn't going to read it anyway?

Many , many years ago my Dh and me were on hoilday and staying in a very nice hotel. Bed time came and I slipped into the bathroom to change into something 'more comfortable' it was a floaty see threw negligee that cost me an arm and a leg, bet this will get him hot under the collar I thought I came out of the bathroom and walked in front of him and what did he say
'Mind out the way love I am trying to get the football results on this crappy hotel TV '
I turned around and took my 'sensible' nightdress out of the case and went and changed!
I thought to myself ( to quote Margo from the good life) 'thats the last time I play the harlot for you'

Annika,

Ha ha,.. brilliant - I am going to try that on my other half to see if he is paying attention !

Go MAX I'm sure we can all beat them at their own game if we just engage brain!

Mine never notices what I wear anyway, so I doubt it would work for me!

Not just Mr hp then.

'Mental walkabout' is a very apt phrase butternut, but I just have to wait for Mr hp to return.

Butter

Oh dear after all the posts about DHs I feel guilty saying that sometimes I get totally fed up with mr.g asking do I want a or sit down "I'll wash the dishes" it has carried on since I worked full time and arrived home later than he did,sometimes I do not want a as soon as I have put my key in the lock and many times I would like to gaze out of the window whilst washing the dishes.

DH went on a fishing trip yesterday, leaving at 8am and coming home at 7.30pm. He walked straight through the kitchen without noticing I'd redecorated it. When I pointed this out he apologised and said it was in his blind spot. He's partially sighted but.....the WHOLE KITCHEN?? . I told him it was a good job he has a friend with him when he goes fishing or he might not spot the RIVER.

merlotgran

merlotgran The excuses they give....!

Glamma this is why men just don't understand us

I sympathise with the ignoring bit. However my Dh (very li,kely Aspergers) usually talks non stop. Butting in to anything I start to say going off at tangents and totally failing to listen to or comprehend any point I am trying to make. Conversation is such hard work I try to avoid it. Peace and quiet is at a premium here. Yours Exhausted!

Going off at tangents and failing to understand what I am saying I can relate to. I can explain something carefully but half an hour later DH doesn't remember what I've said and angrily insists I didn't say it. I too get exhausted and I've thought of mild aspergers but sometimes I wonder if it's a deliberate wind-up.

I get that too, petallus - but I think he really has forgotten, which is a bit worrying!

petallus, that really does sound like my younger DS. Oh dear! he is turning into and Old Git and he isn't 40 until January!

It is such a relief to hear that other women have similar problems with the men in their life, really it is. Makes me think that maybe I am not being odd and unreasonable after all

Well thank you this post invited some comment so thank you ladies. As one of you said it can be soul shrivelling. It is a bone of contention and above all I feel it is the little kindnesses and courtesies that bind a relationship together and this coupled with general social inertia on his part has lead us to leading very separate social lives which should be a wake up call that all is not well as we do virtually nothing together. In the past I have turned the TV off ( resulted in huff) ripped the paper up (being childish) talked to the wall, (mild amusement), played loud music and sang in the kitchen (annoyance) and had rational discussions (which resulted in him getting the message but then he doesn't keep it up). He is so bound by the comfort of his daily routines (he is retired and I still work full time). He has his good points such as keeping the housework up together but that doesn't feed the soul.

SJP

sjp you haven't married my ex by any chance have you,I used to think it was me...the coldness extended to the bedroom and I became convinced it was me who was fat ugly with nothing to say and worthless...example we had had lunch out one day I suggested a "little nap" before the children came out of school,in all seriousness he replied "oh we have a nice lunch don't spoil it" was deadly serious for years couldn't understand why I felt down and depressed he was such a quiet mild man and I loud and noisy and fun loving people thought he was lovely,but they didn't see his cold streak we were married for 26 years he turned his back on me once too often....I walked....

Quite right Nellie. that cold, selfish nature which is kept hidden from all except the spouse is so hard to deal wiith. People feel sorry for them when you have finally had enough, not knowing what you have endured for too long.

Hey Nellie I think I was married to his aggressive brother. You could be describing my ex apart from the mildness. I once, very nervously because I wasn't supposed to want/desire/talk about sex, suggested we get some condoms. He looked me up and down then simply asked, "Why?"

I don't think men always forget what we've told them. My theory is that mostly they can't be bothered to try to remember because they know we'll tell them again!

But that's a gentle comment; I do feel for those of you who've been treated coldly and been unappreciated - you deserve better.

vampire we were lucky to be able to move on.Have seen you write that your new life is now happy,my ex wasn't violent far from it but the words stay longer than the bruises don't theyxxxxxx.....here's to having courage and strength to say I deserve betterxxxxxxx

Sometimes when I talk to DH I metaphorically have hands on hips like good ol' Flo Capp in the comic strip, it makes me feel better. Here's one of my strategies - when you want something/go somewhere/make a point - tell him about it for the first time but say you told him about it last week when he wasn't listening. That usually makes mine try harder . For a while anyway!