To want to see my daughter and granddaughter

Otw10413,
That is great news, as already has been said, easy does it, the past is just that,the past, it is now and the future that is important. The rebuilding of a meaningful relationship between you has started.
As you say this situation needs to be out there for others to understand and I for one hope I am doing just that.
I look forward to hearing more news from you.
I have had contact in the last month with 4 other grandparents who are beginning their own steady journey of being reunited.

Thank you all for all the good wishes; the e-mailed photo was completely out of the blue; I say that but it's so strange because they ( missing loved ones) are in your thoughts all of the time and then when they materialise it is so hard to believe! I heard your wise advice mishap and my dear daughter is sharing her life with me via e-mail. Her change of heart was as unpredictable as her enacting the exile . I am managing the hope quietly with my husband begging me not to expect us to return to the happy state we had before instead , he says I should aim for a gentle and slow reconciliation . You lot are a fantastic support but somehow this tragedy of the lost generation of grandparents needs airing ; thanks but hope for all of you who have not yet had a positive development .

Lovely to hear it's l turning out well.

Did your daughter quite suddenly, out of the blue, start sending you the photos or did you have to contact her? You don't have to say of course,but it would be interesting to have some feedback on the advice given.

Again, glad things are getting better.

I've just read through this thread, felt so sad for those grandparents denied contact and irritated at the odd crass remark - but what good news for you otw, I hope the future continues to look bright

Such good news. This is your moment to "play it cool" and not, as you rightly say, go overboard with all the questions you must be truly dying to ask. Just keep the love flowing gently (not to drown them) and one day she will be ready to talk about it. I will think of you.

Lovely to hear that you are heading in the right direction, otw. Good luck for future contacts.

Patience and understanding has paid off!!!!! Well done you, I am so very pleased. Small steps but in the best of directions. xxxx

Happy for you, otw

Lovely news, otw. I'm so pleased for you. I hope things continue to get better. This is looking optimistic

Dear All,
I have spent the last three days, holding my breath as I received a stream of photos of my beautiful grand-daughter - and now I've received pictures of by beloved daughter's new home . Finally she began e-mailing , and I hardly need to tell you how much of a difference it makes to a life . I can't say where it will lead but I'm not putting any question to her that she could say no to so I'm hopeful that we can keep the channels open for communication as and when she feels she can . This website is such a support but I do feel this 21st century pain needs exposure . There isn't a church society to explain the wrongs in life ; we need to publicise these silent tragedies !
I send more support to you all out there who hear nothing from those you love , and wish you titanium strength to deal with the helplessness it brings .

To all of you good folk ,so many kind people , I thank you. I look at the faces of strangers now and realise again and again that there is no 'normal' family , instead there are human families . You , here, who are suffering like me, have taken time to support me I have nothing positive to report except I haven't cried for 36 hours but have sighed at the pain shared by so many of us and have felt less alone , thank you . My husband is a wise man who keeps telling me that I and you out there, have to be strong and fit for that day when we can reconnect with those we love .
I wish you all peace in your heads and hearts .

I'm certainly glad, jingl!

Thank you Greatnan.

There are no words to adequately describe it, and the only place for comfort is sharing it with others in the same situation - people who truly understand. Thank you for being there to listen.

Nanban, exactly. It doesn't work that way, because we don't know if there is going to be an end to it. If we knew that by a certain time it would all be alright, then we could get through it day by day. It's not like falling out with a good friend - it's losing part of yourself.

Estrangement for a day, not knowing when/if it will end is an unbearable, devastating feeling and that is how it is for so many, sometimes for months, sometimes for years, sometimes for ever and as the days pass it gets worse because added in is all the life you've missed and are missing. Get on with life, put it on one side, live with hope, one day it will get better - nope none of that works.

I am sure we are all glad that your life is far from rotten, jingle.

Stansgran - have you missed all the posts where people who have suffered estrangement (through no fault of their own) have been able to become reconciled with their children? Please don't read our stories if they upset you - that is not our intention.

I really feel for you...as I am to be going through a horrible situation myself ,it being my partners girlfriend holding back my granddaughter ..
.I wasn't even allowed to see her on her birthday the pain is awful and like yourself I have shed a lot of tears and not been able to sleep for thinking about the whole thing wondering what I have done to deserve such awful treatment...
the pain is unbearable but after months of this I have decided to accept the situation for what it is right now and I pray to god that it will get better...
because if I don't try and toughen up it will destroy me ...
I would say we should never give up trying or hope that things will change and get better...just keep being loving kind and caring and hopefully your daughter will see that she needs you in her life...it's awful especially when you have done nothing wrong I feel the same way as you....stay strong
And one last piece of advice for J08 please try and think before you type as you come across as insensitive ...or is that what you want ?

Sadly it's true that bad things happen to good people.

Otw I sympathise and do understand that this sort of thing can happen without the cut-off parent being to blame.

Over 10 years' ago towards the end of my marriage, my older son then in his early-20s had a major falling-out with his father, this resulted in my son not speaking to his father and ME for over three months. It was truly awful - he wouldn't reply to my phone calls or texts or messages sent via intermediaries.

I suppose I was guilty by association in his eyes - I don't know.

It's all in the past now, thank goodness. But I still feel very uneasy when I think about it, after all this time. How those who've been cut-off for years with no contact from the son/daughter, and any grandchildren, cope with it all I don't know.

I wish them all well.

Tegan how lovely that things turned around for you - goes to show that nice things do happen to nice people after all.

Nice things happen to rotten people, and bad things happen to nice people - but when they are brave enough to air it here - or anywhere else for that matter - it doesn't seem kind or clever, or life enhancing, to add to the negativity - easy yes, inclined to make people shut up or go away, yes that too.

There are lots of problems and sad things aired and I'm guessing that when there is nothing positive to report, the correspondents stay a bit quiet instead of banging on about it. I hope the happy endings don't report back but do happen!

So are you a bad person to whom good things happen j08? I have a bad habit of pointing out to my nearest and dearest how much worse things could be so I read these threads with interest. Some posters appear with a problem and then vanish. I would love to know if anyone posts when their family upset is over.Gillybob telling hr parents about her holiday,or Mishap driving to France. I t isn't as if I haven't enough to worry about anyway.

As someone that was estranged from my daughter and grandchildren last year for several months I can only sympathise with Otw. I said and did nothing to warrant what what happened; I had the closest relationship with my daughter and made a point of never interfering with either her marriage or the way she raised the children. It was a bolt out of the blue, the only upside being that I now understand a] how easily something like this can happen and b] how painfull it is when it does happen. Can I just say how unreasonable it is for someone to assume that the fault must be with the OP in some way, especially if they haven't found themselves in that situation . And thanks to Nanban for offering words of comfort.