daughters lack of confidence in us

A friend told me to practice saying with a direct smile and eyes wide open"we've done everything you asked"best to say it to the mirror first.

For me it's mostly the other way around - I fretted about doing things right and sticking to the grandchildren's routine when they were small, and then yesterday when I visited my daughter and found her in the garage putting things in the tumble dryer and asked her where the 22 month old was, I was told she's in her high chair in the kitchen - and discovered her NOT strapped in!! Call me old fashioned, but if I had left her like that and something had happened there would have been hell to pay! And I would have deserved it! There is a happy medium!

I can remember all too clearly the first day we had precious GD in our care, we live 200 miles away so she was 4 before this happened.

We took her to the beach at Filey - a mix of sand and stone. We were walking along the concrete path to the Brig, when it became seaweedy and slimy. I immediately started to say 'I think its time to turn back now the path is getting slippy', (I was worried for myself as well as her) when she went base over apex and grazed her knee and had a nasty scrape down her leg. We returned her to her parents cringing and apologetic, as they are, at times, a bit over fussy (or seem so to us), but they were very relaxed about it and we were allowed to have her again the next day. We headed inland then to somewhere less hazardous!

I have looked after my two grandsons from a few weeks old for the weekend etc. never have they arrived with any instructions/ advice etc. whatsoever. Yesterday we took charge of the dog for a few days he arrived with a page of A4 instructions.

I can see how frustrating it must be to be given a list of instructions but then I don't actually assume that just because I managed to bring my sons up to adulthood without any disasters, it makes me an unquestioned expert!

Also, guidelines about caring for babies and children have changed in many ways - as is always, historically, the case - and I find it much easier to just agree with any recommendations about my DGDs.

Only I remember how irksome it was to be constantly told by my former MIL that I was "doing things all wrong" when I fed on demand and refused to attempt to potty train a 6 month old baby. My own mother was great. She provided advice if requested but otherwise kept schtum. I'm sure I did things differently to her but she never forgot that my babies were MINE. So I've always taken the same approach with my DGDs.

I don't get a list of instructions but sometimes I do quietly laugh to myself when my DDIL and DS worry whether my eldest DGD will be "naughty" in my care. Trust me, I brought up the King of Tantrums (my other son) and I find being a grandmother an absolute breeze in comparison!

I'm happy to get any instructions as I don't see my DGD very often (because of distance) and she is a little person with habits and preferences that I may not know about.