FEUDING DAUGHTERS,,,,,advice please,,,

She doesn`t deserve you worrying about her Angie.........so don`t! Didn`t you and hubby go to his cousin`s after all?

Someone acting like that is being a bully. Don't let it get to you.

hi girls re read all your posts,,,your all great,,,tore the xmas decs down i was upset xmas morning also boxing day ...one girl went away for a few days not wnting to spend christmas with any of us,,,,then she walkes in boxing day with a face like next week picked up the presents walked out put them in her car and cleared off,,,,,,,i will get the cold shoulder now untill she decides to come round,,,,,,so i will stay out of the way,,,,,,,anyway i will survive so they say,,,,,hope everyone has a happy new year and a healthy one,,,,will be on here shortly,,,,,hugs,,,

If you have two friends, both of whom you would like to spend time with, but who can't stand each other, then you would arrange to see them separately.
If that applies to offspring or relatives of any kind then it makes sense to take the same approach.

Glad you've decided, angiebaby and I hope you have a lovely time at your husband's cousin's.

I don't get on with my older sister and I told my mother years ago that I was quite happy for her to spend Xmas with her if she wanted to but I was no longer prepared to do so. Strangely, my mother always chose to spend Xmas with me. It's ridiculous to think you have to spend what is supposed to be a pleasant day with people you don't like or in the middle of a feud.

Mums are (not mum's).

thanks again girls,,,,,,your all brill,,,,,

My two have always been so close, and yet so different- very much number 1 and number 2. It nearly broke my heart when their respective men split them up. For me the best thing ever, is that with one of the (horrible, nasty, feckless, fraudster.... and more) of the men left behind in Spain- the 2 sisters are now best of friends again and so supportive of each other.

Let's hope they will find a way... if not, you'll just have to continue to live your life and not let it get you down (but I know just how you feel...).

Last year, I got the same card from both of them, with 2 days in between- and thought they'd bought them together. Found out much later that they'd bought seen the same card separately, one in Surrey and one in Leics- it says 'Mum's are like buttons, they hold it all together'- I've framed them.

Have a fun day, angie. Way to go! Don't let silly squabbling kids get you down

Great you've been invited- and have a great time being looked after for a change.

With your daughters, I really would not make a big point of it- but remaine just calm and matter of fact. Enjoy. Joyeux Noël.

Yes, Angie, you and hubby go to his cousin`s and enjoy yourselves, put your feet up for a change..........that`s if they`re not too posh to let you put your feet up! My 2 sons don`t have anything much to do with one another, since their wives fell out about 18 months ago, but we don`t let it bother us, it`s up to them, they`re old enough to sort themselves out.

hi freinds......im so grateful for all your advice,,thank you each one of you,,,,as numbers says,,,bugger them...let them get on with it, yes you are all right,,,,should have christmas on our own,,,me and him,.......be great not to put all the decs up,,,i usually go mad,,,,yes you maybe right,,,they might want to have chrissy on their own, but one has a live in boyfreind,,,the other is on own with her kids, i will miss the grandkids if they dont come but hey ho,,,,its only a day isnt it, too late to get a holiday....but we have funnily enough been invited to his cousins over christmas,,,,so thats a gods send,,,,thats my answer, !we will go,,,get out the way, i wont mind, for all the girls who are having the same problems,,,i know how your feeling....i have asked both of them lets go into london together have some fun shopping.......but they have both said not going if she is going,,,,,thats since i posted this,,,,!!!!!......thought that would get them together because i always do all the paying out,,,,but no. why are kids like this,,,families, i have 2 brothers and a sister,,,,everyone seems to hate each other,,,havent had a nice family christmas since i was little,,,,,then mum and da used to fight,,,,,,,,,oh well i will look forward to being away for a change,,,,,will let everyone know what happens,,,,so all the best everyone....have the best day you can,,,healthy new year. big hug.....

sorry to hear what you are going thro. One of my daughters doesnt speak at all to me and the other is abusive - things i could not repeat. Seem to spend the days crying and then get angry cos life is too short for all this. Xmas alone is not a good prospect but it is better than being treated badly. Keep your chin up

Tegan there's nowt for you to think you've gone wrong. It is natural to feel sore and hurting at times when families behave the way they do. Perhaps they'll think someday of where they have gone wrong. Be kind to yourself you've done your best and that's all we can ask of ourselves. and hugs.

That is true mishap-you could, on occasion, see me returning from a shopping trip with either of my daughters but I am walking on eggshells because of their poor relationship with each other (they had a close but volatile relationship before their big fall out two years ago).

I don't want to take this over but would people still do their own thing even if one daughter had caused the upset and the other had gone NC in response?
I really feel for angiebaby and I would also welcome your opinions.

....and sometimes pother people's lives look all sweetness and light from the outside but they too have their problems. They do not broadcast them to the nation.

Please don't feel you have failed Tegan - we cannot control everything in our lives and sometimes we just have to go with the flow because it truly is just how life is.

Angela, do your own thing, as others have suggested, AND BUGGER `EM!!

I've just seen my neighbour arrive home with her daughter after a shopping expedition. It gives me a lump in my throat when I think of the friction in my family.Feel as though I've failed in some way but don't know how or why.

My adult daughters don't speak to each other (complete non contact).

I am of the opinion that one of them has brought this situation about through unreasonable behaviour.

It is extremely upsetting and uncomfortable for me.
If you think it is 6 of one and half a dozen of the other I agree with planning for a quiet Christmas on your own.
In my situation I worry about the one who is relatively "blame free" if you like feeling unsupported by the whole family.
I hate it-you have my sympathy

BTW the "Barcelona flit for Christmas" was my idea because I wasn't in the mood (nor had the energy) that year for being Chief Organiser of Christmas and no one else stepped up to take on the task.

angie it's a sorry situation but have you thought about it this way: if you take yourself (and husband) out of the equation, it may solve a lot of problems.

So, I agree with those who say, do your own thing. A few years ago my husband and I took ourselves off to Barcelona for Christmas and afterwards my daughter told me it was a relief in a way because she wasn't in the mood for a big family Christmas and told her brother that, and he was equally as relieved because he had been invited by his then girlfriend's parents and "didn't know how to tell you" so everyone was trying to please everyone else and with us out of the way, it all worked out and both my children got what they wanted.

We had a fabulous time in Barcelona. I'll never forget sitting on the beachfront on Christmas day watching surfers in the water! It was 15 degrees that day.

Oh families can be horrible to each other can't they angiebaby? I agree with janeainsworth. I think you should extend a warm invitation to both daughters with/without partners (their choice) but make it clear you will not tolerate fighting or bickering and that you want a peaceful enjoyable day. It is then up to them whether they choose to come or not. Mind you the first sign of trouble you will have to be true to your word and ask them to leave. Best of luck.

Maybe your daughters would prefer to spend Xmas in their own separate ways, anyway.
Just say to them that, as no-one seems to enjoy being together at Xmas, you've decided not to do that this year.
It'll be a relief for you and possibly for them also.

How upsetting for you. It is really hard, as a parent of grown up children when they behave like this and things are said that remain said, forever! (Recent personal experience) Especially at Cristmas time.

You sound like a lovely caring mum, trying to do the best for everyone. Take some time to get over their selfish behaviour and, as others have said, spend the day with DH enjoying yourselves.

Sometimes adult children seem to revert to childish behaviour at Christmas.
Hope it works out well. x