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AIBU

Am I unreasonable?

(65 Posts)
mrsmopp Tue 26-Jul-16 08:13:49

We bought a little static caravan for our retirement and absolutely love our little bolt hole. We use it a lot. How do we handle requests from people we know, ex colleagues etc who ask if they can 'borrow' it? They say, 'ooh, can we be awfully cheeky and ask if we can have it next weekend?' If we said yes to everyone who asks we would never get to use it ourselves. One couple gave us a box of chocolates! But I feel really mean about refusing. There are relatives we haven't heard from in years suddenly getting in touch and asking for use of it. I don't want to get into the business of charging people as that's not why we bought it, but I do want to say please don't ask. If you want a week in a caravan then please hire one. Am I being unreasonable and how can I say no without upsetting anyone?

elleks Tue 26-Jul-16 19:06:30

Didn't I see on this site that someone lent her Spanish apartment to a relative, then later went on holiday and found strangers in it?

clarke4179 Tue 26-Jul-16 19:23:18

To be honest I get annoyed with anyone who expects something for nothing. I used to be an accountant and loads of people expected me to do their taxes free of charge in my own time. Now that I'm retired they think I'll be grateful for something to do !! I get out of it by saying that I don't keep up to date with legislation. If there are people who you are happy to loan the caravan to then tell them you will charge them mates rates

Cosafina Tue 26-Jul-16 21:54:01

I have a bolt hole and I allow nobody to stay there - I've preempted it by, whenever the subject comes up, pointing out that a) it's too small and there's nowhere to lock away all my personal belongings (including knickers and such like) and that b) I don't even allow my daughter to go and stay there.
This is my response as soon as they ask if I let it out - and even if they don't ask. I sometimes say it's like an extension of my body, to try and drive home how personal to me this place is.
And it's all true - I'm not lying about a word of it! (Although I did let my daughter stay once - but never again wink

ajanela Tue 26-Jul-16 22:14:17

Something we find difficult to learn. If some one asks you a question they must expect a yes or no answer. You have the right to say no without any explanation.

I had a friend who I gave long explanation and excuses about why I didn't want to do things then I noticed she just said No when asked favours or to do things she didn't want to do. It wasn't rude she just didn't want to do it and why should she.

So when they ask a quiet non aggressive No. Sorry No would be la lie as you are not sorry. Maybe No we don't do that, is the truth and maybe a bit better than just No

NotTooOld Tue 26-Jul-16 22:29:13

When we owned a small property abroad we didn't let anyone stay there. It was ours, we kept it in immaculate condition, we had personal stuff there and DH would have worried too much about security had we let anyone borrow it. It was horrid to say 'no', especially to family, but that's what we did.

Sheilasue Wed 27-Jul-16 07:30:36

We have family who own a second home in Suffolk when they bought it they said we can stay there whenever we want to they spend weekends there and longer holidays. We go in August and have a short break its a lovely cottage and we can take our cat as they have animals themselves. We love going but would not have the cheek to keep asking to use the cottage.

felice Wed 27-Jul-16 11:24:00

We had a problem when we first moved to Portugal, suddenly neighbours and 'friends' who we hardly knew were contacting us to come and visit.
We accepted a couple of good neighbours and they were very unhappy that we were not able to take them out and about everyday, we were working, not on holiday.
One couple were quite offended when we refused to lend them our car.
From then on it was close family only.
Although I must say a few friends did book their holiday to the area and we had good catch ups when we had time

felice Wed 27-Jul-16 11:31:31

This just triggered a memory, when we had the first couple staying on their first day DS1 came home from a long run to find them sitting at the kitchen table waiting for there lunch to be served.
He showed them the fridge and utensils etc and explained where the local cafes were and went to collect his little sister from school.
They complained later that he had not made their lunch, that was a long two weeks.

Rosina Wed 27-Jul-16 21:34:29

'No' is a very powerful word. If you can't be that 'short' with people just say 'it's not convenient' - if they press for why simply keep saying 'It's not convenient' until they give up. Don't put 'sorry' into the responses -why should you? It is yours to enjoy, and as another has said, other people don't always treat your things as you do, or even as they do their own things - as I have learned to my bitter cost over the years with lending items that come back dirty, broken, or not at all.

cazzajen Mon 22-Aug-16 21:25:55

I understand, of course, why you wouldn't want to let it out and of course you must say no but I also understand what it's like to be so hard up you haven't been able to afford a holiday in years, two sides I suppose.

bikergran Mon 22-Aug-16 21:53:53

Deff no! as you say they are charging around £700 for a week, so if you did! want to let it out then tell them that is the going rate smile.
We bought a touring van once , and yes we had an odd "friend" asking could they borrow it (tow it to their destination etc) we just said no sorry we don't lend it out and that was that.

mrsmopp Tue 23-Aug-16 11:19:12

Cazzagen, nobody who has asked for it has been in that position; if a close family member was, then it would be different.

Christinefrance Wed 24-Aug-16 09:13:40

I agree with Chris, just say sorry we don't rent our caravan but here is the number of the site office if want to try them.
Don't feel uncomfortable about it at all, it's your caravan to do with what you will.

Marmight Wed 24-Aug-16 09:50:57

Just say 'Sorry, no' in the politest possible way!

We had a small holiday cottage in the Highlands for some years and only let our close family use it, apart from the time DH's secretary and 3 friends used it for a golfing holiday. They managed to flood the kitchen from the bathroom on Day 1, which involved having a very expensive plumber out on a Sunday for no reason (they had let the shower water drip over the bath onto the floor but we didn't know that from 150 miles away). Also managed to break a treasured plate which my late Mum had made and replaced it with some ghastly local pottery which wasn't the point......

Definitely refuse - it's yours for your own enjoyment.