Thank you for your kind comments. Our ds had a rare chromosome disorder with profound and multiple problems, made worse by epilepsy which came at age 7. He died in his sleep, aged 18, (sudden death in epilepsy) but his health and quality of life had got progressively worse since adolescence. He lived at home with us, me, dh and ds2, and was much loved. We know he is now at peace, no more suffering, and we didn't get to the point we were unable to care for him, for which we are so thankful.
While there is always an underlying sadness, we have adjusted, though very slowly at first, to living as three. It did give us more time to focus on each other - good at times, other times a bit much ;-) Ds1 always with us in spirit, but wonderful to appreciate and enjoy ds2 more as he grows. He's only 21.
Anya, So sorry to hear you lost a grandson, very sad. You must feel so protective of your son. That mother's instinct never changes it seems to me.