worried about safety re: DH and grandchildren

I feel sad for you too welshmist

You can't change what has happened but you can stop it being a problem in future. Never leave the child in the care of your husband, get a high chair or a playpen you can stick him in when you go out of the room and reins when you go out. Although my husband is probably more of a worrywart than I am when it comes to out DGC, I don't always want him to have to stop what he is doing every time I want to use the loo, make a cuppa or whatever. It is much easier to be able to make sure they are safe rather than worrying about their safety. You can still enjoy having your GC but just put safety procedures into place. The care of children, the forethought you need comes easier to you because you've done it all before, your DH hasn't had that learning curve.

I bought reins myself because I like to know I can grab a child in an emergency DH thinks they are not necessary but to be honest I cannot run that fast anymore. DH gets fed up with toys in the room I think a playpen would be the last straw for him. GS goes mad in the travel cot we have and not been able to use for the last year he hates it so much.

Don't even talk about tablets. I have bought a large medibox with a combination lock because OH takes a raft of drugs that would be fatal for little ones. But....even then I have to watch out very carefully as OH takes the day's plastic box of drugs from the medibox and brings it into the living room to take - I do not like him doing that as his hands shake badly (he has PD) and if he were to drop one it could land in the folds of the sofa etc. and he would not know as he would think he had taken it when he did not see it in the day's box; and he forgets what he has taken.

So.....I nag and nag at him, even when there are no children here as a tablet could sit unnoticed ready to be picked up. It is a huge bone of contention with us as I refuse to compromise over it. I insist he takes them in the kitchen over the working surface so that he will see and hear any pill that falls.

I know I sound appallingly controlling, but he is a sick man and it is a difficult balance between respecting his self-esteem and not having a dreadful mishap with a GC.

When we are caring for a little one I am constantly vigilant and behave as if I am on my own - it is the only way - not because he does not care, but because of his PD. He loves his GC with all his heart and would be appalled if anything happened to them.

I have to say though that he is very happy with our house full of boxes of children's books, push chair, toys etc. and he is a very happy man indeed when the GC are here.

He said today Friday was his day the beginning of the weekend so he would prefer to go and play FGS he is retired, Monday - Sunday every day is play day

Going to bed now as you can imagine v. tired. But wanted to thank you all for your input. God bless xx

Ok I'm not a grandparent so obviously there are things I just don't understand, but what I seem to be reading is that the OP (and possibly others) are so determined to care for their grandchildren that they will go on having them even though they know, through experience, that the children are at risk. Even hair-raising near misses aren't enough.
So it doesn't matter that the child is at risk as long as the grandparents get to have time with them? It's concealed from the parents because if they knew what was happening they'd take steps to make sure their child was safe? For God' sake someone tell me I've got this wrong.

Nothing is concealed from our children - they trust me.

But you've assessed and covered the risk. Not just hoping it'll be alright.....

welshmist, you don't have to put up with his sh**, you really don't.

adopt that as your mantra, repeat as needed, I. Do. Not. Have. To.Put. Up. With. This. Sh**.

You can buy a cooker guard and then you can go through your home and make it as safe as possible. Looks like you're going to have to be the eyes and ears. You can do an online accident prevention and home safety course too. At least you're spotting things early so you can do all the preventative stuff. Well done you for being so on the ball. x

I would definitely let the parents know and let them decided if they want to leave the child with you people anymore. Dil may need the help but she and ds may decide it is worth finding someone else or paying for a childminder. It doesn't have to mean you don't see gc anymore, just that you and dh don't have him on your own.

If she and ds are ok with it, as long as you keep gs with you, then, yes, that is what you need to do. I'm glad you're ready to do it. But can you really keep him with you every minute? I doubt it. So I would opt for that playpen or one of those fence things to put him behind for a few minutes if necessary. He may complain, but he'll be safe and it doesn't have to be for long. Just my opinion.

Playpen (akthough he is a bit too old for that at 2, unless introduced to one when he was a baby)

Reins

A stairgate (or more than one) to put across the kitchen door - this is what DS and DIL did to keep crawling babies and toddlers OUTof the kitchen when anyone was cooking, even making tea or coffee.
If I was cooking DH woukd watch the DGC in another room, now they are old enough to understand they must keep away from hot stoves.

You must have eyes in the back of your head with toddlers and you can't trust your DH to be safety conscious so it is all down to you.

We bought plug safety covers, safety catches for cupboards etc as well.

Then discovered that DGD2 could open the front door so had to put the chain on when she was little.

I don't think my OH is fully aware of the ability of small children to get into danger. He does not even seem to think about the danger of carrying mugs of hot tea about.
Is it more particularly men?
I think I am better attuned than OH to these potential dangers although no one is foolproof here.
My OH tends to wander off on ideas of his own, he does not have much understanding of the comprehension levels of small children.

Yet these men manage to hold down jobs, the world is run by white men yet we have to supervise them around children.

Could the playpen be for the husband?

It does seem that some men do not want to be bothered with child care when they are retired so opt out of responsibility. It is impossible to keep an eye on both of them 24/7 as there are lavatory visits,unexpected callers all sorts of things to distract you. I would talk to your family about the problem and see if you can care for your grandchild in their home and your husband stays at your house. You would find it so hard to come to terms with things if an accident occurred as a result of his carelessness. Sometimes we have to make tough decisions and this is one if those times in my opinion.
Wonder how older fathers cope especially those of 60 and over.

I like the idea of the husband in the playpen . From what you have said he is a liability around small children . What is to stop him nipping out to the car / garden and leaving the front door open ? I would have to tell the parents regardless of the consequences .

And the grandchild might find it even harder to come to terms with his life long scald injury or disability from being knocked down in the road. Am I the only one who's more worried about this little boy than the prospect of gran losing "her time" with him?

Only you know welshmist if his behaviour is typical or if it's getting worse, and if it's getting to a worrying point. I think you should consider if he's showing early signs of a dementia.

I understand exactly what you're saying Jayanna, and you're absolutely right. If you were the parent of this small child and knew what was happening, you would be very dubious about leaving him in this situation.

What is with the "white men" *LSP??
Did anyone other than you bring race into the equation?
Some men are a natural klutz and basic safety precautions around small children (which was drummed into us as young mothers in our day ) clearly needs to be revisited.

Maw, if a man is incompetent at any given household task then many, many excuses are trotted out for him. These men have had jobs, drive cars, play golfs and manage to demonstrate competence in every area of their life, apart from tasks that are set aside for women.