I think this is very sad.

Oncidentally, while little ones can be outspoken they can also be charmingly accepting of difference; just curious about it. My OH's wobbling hands come in for comment - but not derogatory.

Incidentally!

There are lots of different examples here and not all similar to the OP. First of all, the age is relevant. I think 4 ( when they may be coming up to school/nursery) is certainly an age at which unkind comments should be addressed. Secondly, there is whether what the child is saying is a factual observation in which case, that's slightly different and perhaps a 4 year old just needs to be nudged over time over this but then there is linking a physical fact, as in the OP to an unkind comment such as not wanting him to come to the house. That should never be ignored, it isn't OK and needs addressing although as I said gently. How will they learn otherwise? I just think of all the adults who've never learned not to be unkind about physical features - so it's just not true that a child simply grows out of it.

It is an evolutionary thing. In the first days of humans, when it was important just to survive, then anyone who looked damaged or differnt or not good breeding material was avoided.
A four year old is till reacting this way and must be told about it and her feelings accepted and then helped to get over it and when growing up she has to learn not to say such things.

When I lost my hair because of chemo I tried to be careful always to wear a scarf when my 3 year old GS was around as I thought it might upset him. One morning he unexpectedly walked into my bedroom. He looked at me and pointed and exclaimed "No Hair". He wasn't the least upset and found it rather amusing.

As others have said little ones say often what we are thinking and maybe don't like us " warts and all".

Many years ago my mother was with my four year old daughter when mum met a friend whilst out shopping. Mums friend remarked on how much my daughter looked like my mother, to which my daughter looked up and said " I don't want to look like you Nanny!" I don't think my mother ever forgave my daughter for that remark.

Not a very forgiving granny then?

Many years ago my DH had a bad back and bought one of those vibrating cushions, my DD told her whole class at school that we had bought a vibrator. Needless to say it sort of went viral. Just laugh and carry on.

Breda Laughed out loud at this, out of the mouths of babes springs to mind!!!

Well said Rigby46.Sense spoken.

One of my DGD's kept telling me I had white hair. Was I shocked? No - I have white hair. Another, who had never met her GF, my late DH, kept telling me that 'Grandad's dead isn't he?' Was I upset. Not really - he is dead. It gave us an opportunity to talk about him and look at photos and discuss... I think some people read too much into what small children say. It's easy enough to just explain that to shout in a big voice that 'that lady's got a a big fat tummy' or 'why does that man smell' is not actually appropriate. Distraction and a small amount of explanation is the way to go. Why get yer knickers in a twist?

She's four years old, that's what they're like at that age brutally honest. I'm sure your husband won't be crushed by such a remark, just laugh it off. My eight years old GD says she loves my "turkey neck" , in front of the rest of the family . It was funny and even a bit true ?

I would have a word with her Mum. She could teach her that it is not right to make such personal comments and how hurtful they are.
Years ago my dgd said, 'I'm not kissing Nana, she's got spots on her face.' I'd got rosacia and I was so upset. I went to my GP and told him this little tale and he prescribed medication to clear it up. Previously, I'd been told I had to live with it. I still take the tablets when it flares up and the result is no spots.

A little girl who lives in nearby once asked me how old I was. At the time I was 73 and told her that. "Oh, that's when you die, isn't it" she said. A few weeks later when I saw her again she looked surprised and said "you should be dead by now".

I feel your pain. My 4 year old grand daughter is expecting me to have a baby sometime soon due to the 'fat belly' she noticed I have at last visit..........out of the mouths of babes etc.

I would be very matter of fact and just say 'it's not very nice to say things that might hurt someone's feelings...and I am sure you didn't want to be nasty because you are so lovely'.

She's four! That's what kids her age say as they lack the social empathy that has to be learned. I'd have told her that everyone is different as it would be really boring if everyone looked exactly the same (and very difficult to find family and friends if they all stood together!). Point out something she's got that you don't (long hair perhaps or different coloured eyes) and say all these different things make you, you and that everyone is special for that reason

When I was a child I was visiting my gran in Glasgow and was at a large playpark near where she lived. I ran over to my gran / mum and said "why has that boy got a funny face?" (I was also about 4 at the time). The boy in question was the boy David. My mum and gran explained that he hadn't been well as a baby but that he was still a happy wee boy and seemed to love playing. I said OK and went off to play with him on the climbing frame. His "parents" were thrilled and spoke to my gran / mum saying that it was so nice they had explained it so simply to me. I don't remember the incident but have taught my own daughter that everyone is special and slightly different.

Years ago a small niece announced to an elderly neighbour that she liked her even though her face was all cracked! The old lady was very amused and repeated the comment many times. Children do notice things but at 4 I wouldn't think she is aware that it could be hurtful or rude.

We had a four yr old in Reception class slap an Inspector on the bottom, as she was bending over admiring work, and sing "Hey, Fatty Bum Bum". Luckily she had a sense of humour! ?

I went on holiday with two of my grandchildren at Easter. On seeing me in a swimsuit the 4 year old informed me that I have got some chubby bits .... thanks for that ! She's right though !

As others have said, I wouldn't take it to heart. It bothers me more when society pre judges you without knowing anything about you. DH and I cut quite dashing figures when we were younger, both tall and reasonably good looking in our prime. We had our own business and a very nice home and heads would turn when we walked into a room. Now, age, stress and illness has taken it's toll and to look at us you'd think we were a couple of vagrants . I might catch a glimpse of someone looking at us oddly, as if we are shady characters. I just think to myself they don't know anything about us, what we've done in our lives, where we've lived or what we've got. We are both passionate about our hobbies and invest in them rather than spending our money on expensive clothing or coiffures. Prejudice is a very ugly thing and if people can't look beyond the surface then it is they who have the problem.

She's probably just a bit scared because in story books bad people always look bad in some way. If your partner talks to her about his eye and lets her ask any question she wants to, she will come to terms with it. So I think in the long run it's ok to tell your partner what she said and if he is mature about it he will understand.

He could start off by saying in a kindly voice "I hear you're a bit worried about the bag under my eye, let me explain it to you then you can ask me anything you want to about it"

Jallybean, your DGD is 4. She thinks Santa is real, there are monsters under the bed and whomever can tie their own shoe laces weaves some powerful magic. Your partner has an unusual appearance and in particular if they don't know eachother verywell this surprises and confuses her. If she were fascinated by that bag and reached out to touch it would you mistake that for a tender caress and a desire to know the person better?
To me it sounds like both yourself and your DH are very insecure with regards to your partner's relationship with your son, DIL and DGD. Perhaps DGD has picked up on this?

I remember standing in a queue in a supermarket with a friend and a little girl with her mum were standing behind us. Suddenly, in a very loud voice, the little girl declared to her mum ' that lady's got sparkly bits in her hair'! My friend had white hair and mine was very dark but with a sparse sprinkling of white hair! The child's mum was so embarrassed but my friend and I just laughed and said to the mum ' well, it's true enough, and nice to be described as sparkly bits!' Children tell it as they see it with no harm intended.

I would have said 'Yes, isn't it lovely, it is silver you know', that would have made the lady happy and would not be denying what the child said. Children see what they see and you cannot gag them can you.

I once was in a supermarket queue and the lady at the cash out desk was very miserable and snappy. My 3 yr old son said 'That lady is very grumpy isn't she!' to which we got a glare which could have stopped me in my tracks, but I chose to say 'Ooo look up there, I think I saw a butterfly!' which distracted him. Maybe she was having a bad day?

JellyBeanJean perhaps you could tell her that he had a poorly eye and it is better now? Always tell a child the truth.