Son in law travelling while my daughter is expecting baby

to be honest I didn't want anyone under my feet when I was pregnant ,and I never told my mother when I went into labour ..just in case.We had several miscarriages and she'd just have got herself stressed .I went to work knowing I was in labour to finish a job I was doing and asked my sister to collect my case from home ,went to hospital had baby late aftrenoon and then told folk.Was back at work 8 days later ,with baby in tow .I hate people fussing around me so I'd rather just get on with things myself.From the outside it might have looked as if my OH was uncaring/unsupportive but that wasn't the case.So dont judge people all do things differently.

My mother died around the time of my 21st birthday and when I had my daughter a couple of years later I would have given anything to have had my mum there. Just saying.

Oh Ginny42

Well done Dorothy for apologising, and putting your daughter first. I'm sure you will continue to offer the whole family your continued support over the coming weeks/months.
Do take this time to work out what assistance you feel your daughter actually needs (and, of course, what you are comfortable giving) then, when the time is right you can explain how you hope you can all move forward

Thanks again to everyone for the supportive and kind messages. I am in a bit of a state today after daughter had scan yesterday which confirmed the diagnosis.
As suspected, her complications mean she has a 40% increased chance of premature labor, and a risk of massive hamemorage if she doesn't get to a hospital within 20 minutes if she a) bleeds or b) goes into labor.
She's scheduled for a C section in 3 weeks, but I'm terrified this could be too late.
We all live 40 minutes from the hospital and, as her husband is away next week, she will be alone. The Royal College of Obstetricians advice is that she should be in close proximity to the hospital and in constant presence of a companion. We have suggested she move for a few weeks to a hotel near the hospital (which they can afford) but she won't have it. We have begged her to come stay with us while her husband's away but so far she says no.

Meanwhile at least now the doctors have told her she must rest and not do heavy work, so she has stopped insisting she can do all the heavy lifting/shopping (her husband does none of it and is happy to watch her carry gas bottles etc). We will of course do this for her (as always when it is necessary) but it is not always possible as we are not always there to intervene.
My daughter's life is at risk, there is no doubt about this, it is not only the baby. I am at my wit's end, so sorry if not very coherent.

An ambulance will be the best course of action if anything happens. They'll get her there super fast.

MissA but an ambulance will have to get to this rural location before zooming back to hospital and what would they do with the Toddler she already has? I am surprised that the hospital will not take her in early so that she is on the spot if anything untoward happens.

If money is no object why not hire a midwife to live in for a few weeks?

I would have thought the hospital would keep her in, too. I don't know, but I suppose if the pregnant lady doesn't want to do anything to lessen the risk then there is little anyone can do. I would have thought she would like to have all bases covered.

Goodness how worrying and stressful for you and your daughter. I agree your son in law sounds thoughtless but ultimately how much support he gives is down to your daughter. I think I would be encouraging her to stay with you at least until the baby is born.

ifshe has a high risk pregnancy they should have kept her in hospital.Maybe she refused to stay in? If she has a toddler she may not have wanted to leave him/her at home without her .Ask her ifthey suggested it and if they did try to explain why it would be for the best..for all concerned

Dorothy, please try to persuade her to stay nearer the hospital. My daughter collapsed with blood loss on the first day of her very late maternity leave - her elective c section for 7 days later instantly became a distant dream. Most of the blood turned out to be the baby's and he had 2 blood transfusions as soon as he was born. She was blue lighted to hospital in an ambulance and had an emergency c section under general anaesthetic but as we all know at our age there is not enough time to think straight or have second thoughts once the emergency has started.

Could you stay with her while her husband is away? She does seem to be taking unnecessary risks, even putting the baby's life at risk, by being so fiercely independent.
Does she see your concern for her as implied criticism of her husband? Been there myself, yet all my parents were doing was trying to help me.

Beau -a little of post here but you make a very good point about the current approach to mat leave, which seems to be to work till a week before your due date. Your daughter's experience was even more frightening than ours - but similar in that a planned c section became urgent and happened 4 days after mat leave started. No time to rest or prepare yourself physically and emotionally for the arrival of your baby.

Incidentally, I'm not criticising young women here, who seem to be working to the nth hour to maximise time with their baby for the remaining mat leave. What about their need to rest and prepare>