grand daughter buying a car

Like some of us here, I too have raised issues on these forums and gotten some very good advice from many of you.

Mawbroom raises a very valid concern. Posters need to respond and to provide updates until activity stops altogether. Many people seem to forget or ignore this simple common courtesy.

It's the least we can all do to acknowledge someone's valued feedback, to show our appreciation and to give our fellow 'Gransnetters' some closure.

Simple rules of reciprocity and caring often remain 'unwritten' but they should be no less binding.

Not sure what you are talking about Willa? Are you saying there is a time when (someone) decides a post is not worth responding to? Maybe? or maybe not? Who knows when it is looked at plus who decides a post is 'closed'? Surely when people post and its not responded to they will work it out for themselves? Not up to anybody else really is it?

Bluegal....

I never said posts are not worth responding to. You are misinterpreting my post. Every post deserves a response!

Only the person who posts can know if or when their issue has come to a resolution (or not).

Shouldn't they at least let the rest of us know what's going on or do you prefer to be ignored?

Perhaps budds8 could give some feedback. Nothing from her for a while!

Mawbroon
A Tumbleweed moment:
From the motif in western movies where the wind blows tumbleweeds through the scene, usually to establish that the place is desolate or empty.

Or - A deafening silence.

No Willa...not at all but its not up to you or MawBroon to decide when to kill a conversation. Why is MawBroon raising eyebrows at the last posters? What has it got to do with her t.b.h. If she feels the poster has left and is either not genuine...why bother reading anymore? Then you come on and (seemingly) back her up... why? that's what I don't understand.

Don't get me wrong I read a lot of Mawbroon's posts and wholeheartedly agree with her on lots of things but I am fearful she is somehow nominating herself as the gransnet police ha ha..... "OK this is going nowhere so nobody else post or I will raise eyebrows" that type of thing....

Of COURSE she could be correct - nobody suggesting otherwise but new posters will post as they deem fit and don't expect anyone else to intervene in a negative way (other than OP that is). It will become obvious to all if the OP has left/refuses to answer etc but honestly...sometimes the comments of others to posts can actually HELP other people in similar situations ...so imo...shouldn't be discouraged. x

MawBroon can post what she likes as long as it is not against guidelines.

And doesn't mention the 't' word.

No Willa...not at all but its not up to you or MawBroon to decide when to kill a conversation.
and it has obviously not killed the conversation.

Just saying

buds I haven't responded but am wondering if your DH has money worries? Or has always had problems with your family and this brought it to a head?

It is your house too.

There was another thread similar to this a while ago, perhaps the responses on there could be helpful to you, if you can find it.

Thank you jalima frankly I had no idea what that tumbleweed post was about I know I buy it to use on the drive, but couldn’t see the relevance. , I wondered if it was in the right place or some obscure code, hence the which, if bluegal cares to check the emojis list stands for [Confused ] because I was frankly [ confused ] not to say [ nonplussed ] and even [bewildered]
Thread police? What a load of bo**ocks. As for the suggestion that I was attempting to kill any conversation dead I take extreme exception at such a stupid notion. Were I so minded I should merely say FFS. I suppose it is too much to hope that Bluegal might apologise for getting the wrong end of the stick and proceeding to beat Willa and me about the head with it. (that stands for [ hmm ]by the way.
In the meantime, have we heard back from OP?
What do you think?

Not got the wrong end of stick MaBroon but why are YOU (I mean you in particular) so worried about not having heard from the OP? Surely that is the OP perogative or otherwise. That is what I don't understand. Why do you think you need to even comment on it? Why are you still looking at this thread even? Not beating anyone over the head about anything...but your closing comments asking IF we have heard back from OP says it all. For some reason you feel she must reply? Why? and whether its courtesy or not, what has that to do with you exactly? That's all I am saying. Oh and yes I do apologise for not knowing what the confused icon was but maybe you could have put it in a post for all of us to know what you meant?

By the way Mawbroon...I am not falling out with you about anything. I love some of your posts so much but this ...I don't understand

Thank you all for your posts and advice. Sorry to not replying earlier but have been a bit unwell. I am seeing gd tomorrow for lunch so that is nice. One reason I went guarantor was that gd had been married for 8 months and her dh went off with someone else and she was having a hard time. Just wanted to give her something nice in her life.

Should say I never thought to discuss this with my dh as we both have some money of our own and he spends his as he likes too.

Well you're still maintaining a friendship with your relatives, and I guess DH can stay home and fester. His loss, your nice day out.

Goodness... A step back and deep breath please! My post was to remind (OPs only) to acknowledge the generous advice of others by responding (at some point in their thread) out of consideration. For some reason my words seem to have had the opposite effect even though they were written in good faith and no offense intended.

PS... I concurred with Mawbrooms comments because I too take issue with (OP) posters who pour their hearts out, and after everyone rushes in to help, and we never hear again.

if there is anyone else going through a similar rough patch maybe the advice given here will help them. I must admit I now a bit confused about just how bad things are with Budd

Glad to see that budds8 has responded and things are ok ish! I too get frustrated when updates don’t happen and agree with willa45 and MawBroon that it is a courtesy we can expect (and usually get) although I appreciate that people’s circumstances can differ!

I know what you mean, but on the other hand, I feel as if it's like saying "Well you asked our advice, now the due payment is that you give up your privacy and time and tell us how it all works out" which while satisfying to our curiosity is somehow not in the spirit of supporting and comforting. Also, a lot of people by the time they have felt desperate enough to reveal a problem here, are possibly not in an emotional place that allows them to think about the needs of the other thread participants.

ReadyMeals, good post.

Well if I may venture my head above the parapet, there are as always two, if not more sides to this.
First, OPs often ask for advice or help on very complicated or difficult issues without a lot of information. Why we should feel able to trust complete strangers with something so personal is another matter, but it can happen that the OP subsequently adds further information which can cast a different aspect on the original problem.
So members ask questions, make suggestions and, frequently make judgements based on what they have read.
Some go to considerable length, often giving the benefit of personal or professional experience so it can be reassuring to know that OP has read that.
At the end of the day, nobody is forced to do anything, but there are times when it seems that the OPs have moved on, may not want further discussion of their issue or indeed that there has been a resolution of the problem.
If the latter, then there is no point in further consideration of the issue by members joining in later.
It can be a way if saying “Thank you for your input/problem solved/gone away/going to do my own thing whatever “ but the bottom line is that he or she may not want us going on and on about it.
Is that unreasonable?
There is of course the other sort of OP (not this one) where something quite contentious or shocking (or even banal) is posted and then we hear no more which can leave one wondering was this just to stimulate discussion? Just a bit of fun? (The onesie/plimsoll/school uniform/GD not allowed to go to the loo in school/ type of thread)
Just expressing opinion, not worried, Bluegal merely an observation.

Invite your family round, inform him when they're coming and tell him to leave and return when their gone if he doesn't wish to see them.
Sounds like a bully and probably wouldn't do or say anything if the family arrived all together on mass.
I would also make a point of telling him when you went to visit them and if he objected say well your not happy about them coming here.

Glad you ve come back Budd and hope you are feeling better
Three years is too long I m glad your meeting your granddaughter for lunch I m glad you could help her BUT enough is enough please tell your husband he no longer has any need to dictate who can or can’t come to your shared home and that your family are welcome whenever they or you want ( whether they would want to come is a different matter) and if he doesn’t like it he can buxxer off

^ReadyMeals*
"Well you asked our advice, now the due payment is that you give up your privacy and time and tell us how it all works out" which while satisfying to our curiosity is somehow not in the spirit of supporting and comforting.
I don't think that is what posters are expecting - but perhaps they are wondering why, when someone starts a thread with a thorny problem and asks for advice, they often do disappear without even an acknowledgement or a thank you for the advice and help from other posters - some of who may have written about their own personal experience in the belief that it could help the OP.

There are some threads which are started which are obviously rather 'odd' but it is disconcerting to read an OP where someone may sound quite distressed with an unusual problem then is never heard from again.

It does make one wonder.

Anyway, budds has responded and told us she wasn't well - I hope you're feeling better now and that you had a lovely day with your GD.

ps did you invite her back for a afterwards? I do hope so!
If not, I hope you invite the whole family round soon to your house.

Also, a lot of people by the time they have felt desperate enough to reveal a problem here, are possibly not in an emotional place that allows them to think about the needs of the other thread participants.
Yes, I can understand that pov too - but it is not the needs of the other thread participants - rather that they hope they will hear that things have improved, moved on, for the OP.

Nothing wrong with hoping, but it was turning into a bit of a diatribe which must have felt rather uncomfortable for the OP to read when she returned.