....too be a bit annoyed?

I agree ReadyMeals but some of his women friends were also my mum's good friends so I had known them for a while and they felt more like family!

PECS you might have felt that way even if you liked the new partner. I mean just on pure protocol you can't really treat or think of the place the same as if only your own parent or parents were there. When you're visiting your parents, it always feels like it could be your home (assuming a normal loving relationships with them), but once they're matched with a new partner they're not just your parents any more.

When my widowed father asked me how I would feel if his new partner moved in to his house I answered honestly. I said I would find it harder to pop in casually as I had been doing, it would cease to feel like 'home' (though I had never actually lived there) but had all our family bits in it! I would feel more like a guest. He chose not to invite her to live with him. With hindsight I feel bad about it but at the time I thought I was being truthful and fair. My dad's partner was not a bad person. I did not particularly like her and I remember asking why, of all the women he knew , he had got involved with her! A very selfish view but a human one!

Just think Flaxseed, things can only get better! Good luck with everything xx

Flaxseed

I'm sure your DP will want to support you and your DD.

All you can do is talk it through with your dp. But i would be telling him you are unhappy his dd appears to be interfering.

Good wishes from me too - damn that toxic boss!

Best wishes with your daughter Flaxseed.

for you and your DD, Flaxseed. I hope things go well for you both.

Im with Bluebelle. Speaking from experience you have a lot of talking (and listening) to do which may not end how you would like it to. But you need to do it. Or you will regret ignoring the issue some day.

Best wishes for your daughter from me too Flaxseed

Best wishes for your daughter, Flaxseed, hope she's feeling a lot better and things are sorted soon!

magrithia
It’s my DD that is in distress.

My intention always was to talk to DP, but I have had no chance to since posting, as I have been working.
This weekend is now not looking good due to my need to support DD.

Even if I do get to DP’s later I’m not sure it will be a good time to bring it up as I will be a bit too emotional!

What a good start to 2019 - not!!

Sorry Flaxseed I posted before reading your last comment. I do hope your DP's DD is OK and her problems with toxic boss can be addressed.

Instead of stewing talk to him! She is just a concerned child who has heard her dad talk about a dream of his often over the years (so it seems) and is worried he might not be able to fulfil it if he's torn by love of his partner.

Has he actually spent any amount of time in this favoured location or is it just a pipe dream? It's very different living somewhere to just visiting. My parents always said they'd return to live in Southampton, my Dad's birth place and where they met, when he retired but never did as they were so settled where my Mum still lives.

Perhaps an extended trip to this 'Shangri La' would help settle his mind? Good luck!

PS DD probably does like you but loves her Dad!

Thank you everyone.
You are all so kind.

Whilst on a night shift last night I had a call from my son in law. My vivacious, successful, lovely DD was having some kind of breakdown and I couldn’t get to her . She’s been fragile for a while due to a toxic boss.
It would take a whole new thread to explain how awful I am feeling right now.
The original reason for writing this thread seems totally insignificant today, but I know will have to be addressed once this new, more important issue is sorted.

Please forgive me if I don’t get back to you with a conclusion for a while!
I will be spending the rest of the weekend where I am needed more.

to you all

I'd steer clear of any criticism of the daughter if it were me. Probably best to go along the track of, "Her comments made me wonder what your plans are. Am I really holding you back?"
I think any talk of inheritance, reconciliation with ex-wife, etc would be jumping the gun and would possibly ruffle his feathers.

I can understand you being upset but all you can do is talk it through with him. Perhaps you could reach a compromise, of a holiday home which, if you both decided you wanted to live there, could eventually turn into a proper home? As neither of you shows any inclination to get married, perhaps his daughter thinks you're not that serious about each other and is just looking out for her dad? Of course, no-one ever understands a relationship from the outside. You know how you feel but she doesn't, necessarily. Hope it all works out for you.

Good luck today & tomorrow Flaxseed with your discussion for your future with you other half.
Do come back after all these comments and let us know what transpired?

Your DP knows you don't want to live abroad and has continued the relationship regardless.
So it's unlikely he would 'just do it' without consulting you.

His DD's motives for her comments are not important, as long as the two of you can discuss this sensibly.

Flaxseed, I can't see that you've done anything wrong to be adamant that you don't want to move abroad. At least you've been honest which is so important in a relationship.

4allweknow, it's not just the daughter's fault. Surely by discussing the subject while in a group that included the daughter, the daughter felt invited to comment? Maybe the man wanted to hear her opinion? I think it may be unfair to ascribe inheritance concerns to her, since surely by now she would have shown her hand in other ways, seeing as the couple have been an item for so long. There would have been inheritance concerns long before now, and, at least in the OP's posts, there is no evidence of attempts to separate their interests until now.

Not all adult children have got their eye on inheritance but they or their own partners very often do, his daughter has brought this up twice so don't discount the motive.
It's entirely normal for you to want to be near to you own family and I certainly would not want to compromise on that, a holiday home or renting a villa is an alternative, you should stand your ground on that. Living full time in a foreign place is entirely different to the dream, in any case there are plenty of nice places in the UK to live.

What business is it of DPs daughter what your DP thinks you do or do not want. She seems to be meddling where she has no right. As you said, speak with DP to sort matter out explaining he had to be honest with you as there may be decisions for you to consider making eg go with DP to other country or terminate relationship. The matter is between you and partner, no-one else.

I think you should try to calmly ask him straight out, without criticising his daughter.

It could be that he talks of wanting to retire abroad to her but doesn't mention it to you. People sometimes have pipe dreams but, when it comes down to it, would they do it? I have pipe dreams so I know!

I hope you get a nice answer.