This is not ok

Unless you activate privacy settings on Facebook your page and friends can be seen by anyone

Like others I'm confused by this.
All I can say is that Facebook might sometimes be a helpful resource but I wouldn't touch it.
It's also a source of bitter words and hurtful family break-ups. What's printed on there can't be changed

New to gransnet not Mumsnet and thank you.

Facebook is set to private as far as I’m aware But your profile pic isn’t that’s general public and she would of found me through my other children that don’t have privacy settings as such.

Also anyone can message you on messenger it goes into the other folder.

I was astounded by her message as if everything was ok after the crap she and her son put us through.

She was in denial. Couldn’t of been her lad. It was, I caught him and by god I had to refrain myself to not kill him.

We phoned the police but because of age they couldn’t Take it further.

Yes he should of got help but it still didn’t absolve him or his mother. He was 14 not another curious 5 years old.

She’s now blocked

This shocked us and disgusted us in the same time.

I get this, I get your anger and disgust. I’d be spitting feathers and swearing like a trooper in your position. It’s opened up a worse than horrible box of memories for you and your daughter. I just hope writing it down has been cathartic (writing it down always helps me) please, please try your best to close these memories away if you can. Not easy I know. It’s awful that we have to live with with the horrors we’ve experienced in our head, that the pain of our past can come back and haunt us like this. I’m sending you a virtual (((hug))) because there’s nothing else I can do to elevate your pain. I wish there was.

We phoned the police but because of age they couldn’t take it further.
I think you need to Complain to the police big time because a boy if 14 is not absolved of rape or sexual abuse just because they are under the age of 18 younger children than this boy have got Custodial sentences for this.....

You have done the right thing in just ignoring and blocking his mum but it sounds as if you have been given bad advice in the past

I am with the OP, this woman's message suggests she has no idea of the enormity of what her son did.

Yes, it may not be her fault he behaved as he did. I can accept also that what he did was when he was a young teenager and perhaps confused or even mentally ill at the time and he now deeply regrets it.

BUT

whatever the reasons for the offence, surely anyone with even a small fingernails worth of empathy and understanding in their body would know that after an event like that, those affected by the crime are highly unlikely ever to want to see or hear of this boy or his family ever again. Most of all one expects the boy and his family would understand this.

This woman's message to the OP and daughter is crass and ignorant and possibly goes someway to explain the boys behaviour. He lives in a household with no proper understanding of the boundaries that should exist between people on social and sexual levels.

I totally agree with what morethan2 and MOnica said in their posts .

BlueBelle

*We phoned the police but because of age they couldn’t take it further.*
I think you need to Complain to the police big time because a boy if 14 is not absolved of rape or sexual abuse just because they are under the age of 18 younger children than this boy have got Custodial sentences for this.....

You have done the right thing in just ignoring and blocking his mum but it sounds as if you have been given bad advice in the past

It was 20 years ago and my daughter would of had to testify at 5 so they decided against because of my daughter not him.

She was already scared and scarred from it all. Then having to relive it at a later date. CPS decided no.

She did have counselling/therapy for awhile afterwards Which helped and we used therapy as she was growing up.