MAKING ARRANGEMENTS AND COMING UP WITH IDEAS

I know this is not very helpful but I wish I still had my husband to make plans with. It seems to me that it it usually the women who are the driving force to most things, including leisure time. My late husband primarily left it to me to sort out leisure time while he looked after the business. I was quite happy with that partnership. Look after your husband ladies because it's very lonely without them.

These "passive' socialisers in a relationship must have been that way when a couple first got together. What made you like/ love them enough to set up a life together? I know people can change & start behaving differently but if it was always you sorting out the social happenings ..what has changed?

Same here but I love it, we always go where I want to go and do what I want to do, how fabulous

Mine's the same too, but it suits me as I like to make sure the holiday will suit us as far as possible whereas I'm sure he'd think 'that will do'.
He does suggest the occasional day out.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Just the same here unfortunately.

I find myself agreeing with Bluebells first post, again.

I’m just pleased it’s not just me!

passive socialisers
No, mine wasn't but his idea of exciting holidays was borrowing a Scout tent and Cornwall in the rain, which I endured for many years. (We did progress to our own tent.)

Mine is exactly the same, he knows what he doesn’t want to do but never has any suggestions, quite happy for me to decide where we are going etc.
But he is the same with everything, I have to decide what we eat, do etc, he is also rubbish at presents do I buy my own and he wraps them, I would love a surprise but it’s how he is and as I love him I’ll just have to put up with it but venting every now and then does help

You sound exactly like me! I have long since given up that he is going to come up with anything. I also get the blame when something doesn't go right which is very exhausting but I just count to ten and think there are leaders and followers, I'm the leader he's the follower! I wouldn't like to be a follower ever so I just get on with it.

At least you get to choose where you want to go and what you want to do. I think it would be worse if you had a DH who insisted on making all the decisions and never let you choose.

Yangste1007 Wed 28-Oct-20 21:29:33
I didn't really know what to call this thread. We are in a holiday cottage on the east coast at the moment. Husband, myself and the dog. This is a bit of a rant really. If it wasn't for me we would never go on holiday. We would never do anything.
From a male perspective Yangste1007, and not wishing to provoke, we men will often leave it to the ladies in our lives, that way we know that whatever you choose to do you will be happy with.
Am I making excuses for laziness? Possibly, but I don't know you as a couple. If your husband is receptive to conversation get him to open up. Choose a convivial moment, after a meal, or curled up together with a glass of wine. Just say something like, "it would be nice if you told me what you want, where you want to go, then add, so that I could treat you.
Men go to extraordinary lengths for the quiet life, leaving it to you may be his way of saying, do whatever you want.

It could pay dividends. My wife asked me about our social life outside of our ballroom dancing. When I told her that I still had that boyhood love of steam trains she said, "well let's do it." Now I can say that we have been on so many, even The Orient Express, we have even been hauled by the famous Flying Scotsman, and she has loved every minute of it. So just try and coax him a little, you never know, you might wind at a tasting session at a Scottish distillery.

I sympathise with you all.I have been married for 58 years.
It’s not just holidays I have to make all the decisions including what my DH wants to eat lol.
I totally agree with the over 75 opinion my DH is 79 and doesn’t want to go anywhere except the golf club.We did have a few cruises which I loved my DH enjoyed them but as they mostly go from Southampton the drive from Cheshire was long and tiring, so no more cruising,I would have shared the driving but no if I get my man out of his comfy chair then he drives as cars and golf are his two pleasures.
To be honest out of all of our friends only one husband does the planning and booking all the others just say you do it dear you are much better than me at it.Do you think they might just be a lazy as someone said they are still 6 with mummy looking after them.
Having said that I wouldn’t change my DH don’t think anyone can really change another person’s character anyway.

I love organising holidays! It’s the utilities and car tax etc I hate doing...

That sounds just like my husband, and many of my friends’ husbands too ?
A friend said she does everything when going away, but as the leave the house, he always asks, “Have you remembered the passports?” It’s infuriating.

Maybe turn this on its head - at least you get to do what you want to do.

Nonogran, you are right. I have always said that men only marry to replace their mothers. I also believe they prefer the company of their male friends to their wives, in general.

Like Venus and her husband, we had a variety of things we enjoyed on holiday. He liked WW2 destinations and steam trains. I liked safari holidays and city breaks. We did them all. I used to do all the investigating of holidays, present him with two or three off the short list and ask him to choose which he preferred (that way he felt he was part of the decision). Then I used to do all the reservations, holiday, car parking etc.
Not a problem.
Then he died a couple of years ago which changed everything.
Enjoy the planning Yangtze. It’s a small part to pay for an enjoyable holiday with your husband/partner.

@grannie7 have you looked at Fred Olsen cruises? Quite a few of those go from Liverpool & they’re supposed to be pretty good. (Not now, obviously!).

Same here, he never has any thought about going out - even for a walk - if I don't suggest something it just doesn't happen. I guess I simply didn't notice this trait when we were starting out; him being born and brought up abroad may be part of it of the reason I didn't notice that stolid trait.

You are not alone with this one!! It's exactly the same in our house...... He shows no interest or enthusiasm for anything really, apart from his Bridge & Bowls!!!! I try & include him in decision making for hols/food/furnishings/outings.....nothing comes back. I give up......

Same here I organise all holidays and I like to (hopefully not in a bossy way!) Interestingly my brother organises holidays in their family.

My late husband was like this (how I miss him!). One useful ploy I found was to get my adult children to suggest to him things I wanted to do and then to suggest he books it.

My hubby was just the same. Left everything to me to decide and arrange.
Then I told him he was boring ?

Careful what you wish for, as two days later he was running round the garden naked to prove he wasn’t as boring as I thought ???