Diabetes and help from partner

I would throw them in the bin if I saw them in the fridge. Horrible I know but if he can't consider you in this way then maybe that would remind him.

Personally, if you don't have children to consider, and even if you do perhaps - I'd leave him. His behaviour would be telling me loud and clear that he did not love me, nor want to support me through dealing with a disease which can significantly lower your life expectancy if not properly managed. It wasn't just "thoughtless" of him to actually ask that you come and look at all the treats he'd bought today - it was borderline sadistic. And to say "I thought you'd like a treat" when he knows you're battling to keep to a sensible diet for a diabetic was cruel too. Frankly, I think he's got a really mean streak, and doesn't give a sh*t about your welfare and happiness.

sounds either stupid or passive-aggressive. probably just utterly thoughtless. Since it was proved and reported in New Scientist that we will eat what is in sight I have learnt to keep my temptations in the cupboard...and I'm not diabetic just can easily put on weight. I leave fruit and veg in view...so you are right. It is not too much to ask if he wants to help you. keep on at him....

I have an allergy to chocolate and have had for past 35 years but I never stopped my children or husband eating it. Never stop my grandchildren from eating it now, in fact I always buy chocs ready for when they visit and I always buy chocolate cake for special family occasions. You just have to have willpower.

When OH was diagnosed as pre-diabetic, I asked the organiser if I could go on the DESMOND course with him as he wouldn't have told me more than a sentence about it and, let's face it, I do the cooking. We did really well with the new diet and the nurse told him the diabetes was in remission. What a mistake. He now feels justified in having cake, ice cream etc.
I think part of the problem Sunflower2 might be that your partner can't resist sweet things either and only feels justified if you have them too. Provide proper containers, just for him, biscuit and chocolate tin, cake box etc and tell him to put them straight in there. It's up to you to keep out then!

I would tell him to leave. He is not a caring man.

Extremely inconsiderate of him. Just picked them up put them in the bin outside and keep on doing that until he gets the message. If the temptation is too great just think of them as a gun or a knife that could kill you.

Some pretty drastic recommendations! Why don’t you put everything in a bag and hide it! Even better throw it away!

That was not fair to do that on you. Don't make him his healthy dinner and set him his lemon tart down instead. He'll be bouncing of the walls come bedtime.

Frankly? I'd be furious and very hurt. How incredibly selfish of him to behave like this. I've lived with my man for almost 30 years and only shock and awe tactics would work on him if he'd got to that stage. So:
First, I'd ask him if he was trying to kill me and who was he hoping to replace me with because that could only be the reason why he was trying to destroy my health... That suggestion would be to shock him into listening.
Second, then I'd tell him that every time I see one of his sweet treats brazenly openly in front of me in the fridge or cupboard it'll go straight in the bin. And I mean it and I would do it - zero tolerance policy on this.
Third, if he ever flaunts his special treats in front of me again they will go straight in the bin as soon as his back is turned.
You have to work out what will get his attention and do it. This is either malicious behaviour designed to upset you or pure laziness because he doesn't really care about your health and feelings. So, I'd take it very seriously indeed. If it's the first I'd leave - I've no time for that kind of nastiness, if it's the second then he needs to rethink his priorities if he wants our relationship to continue. If it was my man it would probably be down to pure laziness. Either way, really unacceptable and you have my sympathy.

My son was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes when he was 6 (he is 30 now) I have three children and once he was diagnosed we had a rule - if he cant have it, no one can - the other kids had no issue with this and my son's diabetes was managed really well. Until he got older and discovered alcohol - but thats a whole other story.

Oh - I have to say it sounds like he was deliberately taunting you with all that stuff! Not very nice at all. He's either being deliberately horrible to you or he's totally dense and insensitive. Sorry. Chuck all his sweet stuff out in the bin.

Gods. I remember my own diabetes diagnosis, and the huge struggle I had giving up carby treats. My heart goes out to you - and I would consider his actions cruel in the extreme; grounds for divorce.

What a selfish so and so - get rid!!

I am wondering if these 'treats' are actually for him too. Or at the least it makes him feel better for indulging. A bit like alcoholics, they always try to force another drink on others to make themselves feel better. I can't imagine doing the same to someone who is actively trying to improve their health. You might agree a small bar of dark chocolate or something once a week and leave it at that. You are not being unreasonable at all, I would simply ignore him the next time he tries to show you the stash from the supermarket, just don't go there. Concentrate on having those foods snacks that you enjoy that are actually beneficial for your health.

Just throw out what you can see without discussion. If he asks just say i put them where i cannot see them, in the bin. Soon he will learn to hide it . Learning from experience.

Caragran, yours is just the typical response who has no idea of the psychological or physical effects of pre-diabetes or diabetes. You can't eat chocolate which you don't seem to have a problem with. Diabetics can't eat a lot of carbohydrates which covers such a vast range of things. Research is starting to show that the current thinking of the healthy plate is not the way to go with Diabetes so a lot of the nice carbs like Pasta, Chips, fruit, etc are going to be very limited if you want to better manage your glucose levels. Oh, and cut out alchohol too because that's not good for diabetics. Sunflower2 exercises self control and is asking for help to manage something which will kill her if she falters. I can exercise self control if I am not being reminded 24/7 what I am missing. I resist the urge of tv adverts, manage to stop buying the stuff in the supermarket and manage to resist when I am offered stuff from well meaning friends. However, in my own home living with someone who is supposed to love and care for me, it seems like as small ask to place the KitKats being the healthy yogurts!
I don't think it is unreasonable to ask somebody not to keep their "treats" in full view so you are always being reminded about what you can't have. My late sister had Cystic Fibrosis and couldn't eat chocolate, milk products, etc. We would never have taunted her with chocolate out of sensitivity to her feelings.

Mine is slightly different to yours. It's my husband who has diabetes, not me. But it's also him who keeps putting the chocolates etc in the trolley, even tho I keep asking him not to. I' very rarely eat chocolate etc. As I'm trying to not put on too much weight. We've had many, many arguments about this. As I keep telling him it affects me as well as him. So sunflower2 I say resist the temptation,and keep speaking to your husband about how you feel about it.

I think there’s something quite complicated going on here vis a vis your DH and food - is he perhaps a bit overweight himself and doesn’t want you to be in control of what you eat? I’m a chocoholic and would be really really annoyed if a partner (‘luckily’ I’m a widow) kept thrusting temptation under my nose.
Next time he leaves tempting but forbidden stuff lying around why don’t you put them in a bag and deposit them at your nearest food bank? He’ll soon learn to remember how to keep his goodies out of sight!
It’s really not a lot to ask of him. As you say, if you were an alcoholic would he flaunt alcohol in front of you? I do actually know of a husband who used to do just that and they’re now divorced!

I absolutely agree with every word from 'poshpaws'. He sounds extremely selfish and uncaring.....Ugh

I'm not diabetic, but I cant eat any kind of treats for various medical conditions. But I don't like people to eat in front of me, or for that matter discuss eating or cooking. It makes me sick.

I treat myself with other things. First it was collections, knitting and crocheting yarns. Now it's books. And I can honestly say I LOVE to read, now that I've found my genre.

I was an overweight kid, but I've become thinner now and find it easier to buy clothing. I guess I didn't have to change others so much, but myself

I have to wonder if he is in total ignorance of what having diabetes actually means!
Yes, he might see you checking your blood sugar and doing injections as and when needed (if you do) - do you go off to the bathroom or into another room to do it?
He might think he is being kind and caring by sharing his treats with you, but as you know the struggle that you will have if you take advantage of his "kindness"
Next time you go to see your GP or diabetic nurse, ask either if he can be present in the consultation or if they have any leaflets and information that you can give to him. Contact Diabetes UK as well and I am sure that they will have items they can send you.
Maybe he is just in denial? Men often like to ignore illnesses that affect their partner.
Next time he puts chocolate etc in the fridge,or somewhere you can see it, move it somewhere else so he has to ask you why and where it is. Keep hammering on and he may get the message!

This is dangerous and thoughtless - diabetes is a killer. I would thank him and throw them in the bin. You must not eat these things. good luck

In my book, it is your partner who is being unreasonable and unkind.

My husband is an alcoholic who has taken the decision and done the hard work involved to stop drinking.

To me this quite naturally means that we never have alcohol in any form, down to chocolates with alcoholic flavouring in the house.

It also means that I never drink myself, although DH says it would not worry him to see me with a glass of wine or a beer on the odd occasion.

It would worry me, as I would be afraid I was making it more difficult for him to resist temptation.

You have said that your partner does not need to give up sweets and cakes on our account, which is kind of you.

To me it sounds as if your partner still hasn't really got the point of diabetes and what coping with it entails.

I suggest you clear a kitchen cupboard, which you insist he puts any treats he buys into. Go the whole hog and fit it with a couple of metal rings, one on the door and one on the frame and a padlock that goes through them then insist that he keeps his stuff in that cupboard and locks it.

If he still insists on showing you what he has bought tell him that he is being unkind and unhelpful and making it even harder for you to obey your doctor's orders.

I hope you can get him to realise that he needs to help and support you in this.

Insist he reads this thread - it might just help.

Do you think you might be giving him mixed messages if you occasionally enjoy little treats? He might not understand that you need to avoid temptation! You could treat him like you are training a naughty dog. A firm NO and lots of praise when he gets it right! (I've been watching Dogs behaving very badly!)